The last two weeks have flown by in a blur or school and work, last weekend Kim stayed at her friends after going to a party at some guy from school's and I have to admit, I was worried she might meet someone else and I'd hear about it at school on Monday but thankfully there's been nothing.Even though I met her parents, did the whole looking at baby photos and tried to make a good impression on them, we still haven't discussed whether we're actually a couple and I don't want to just assume we are, but I also don't want to outright ask her like some sort of insecure fool, because the guys at work tell me that's a real turnoff for girls.They tell me I should be domineering and confident, which is all well and good but I don't actually know what I'm doing, so even if I wanted to be, I wouldn't know how. 

I wake up early wrapped around Kim and just watch her. I know it's creepy but I can't stop, I'm mesmerised by the girl by my side and I try very hard not to disturb her, because this has been the best weekend of my life and I don't want it to end. When I brush her hair back from her face, she murmurs something in her sleep, rolling over towards me and settling her head on my chest.I've never felt like this before, perfectly happy, like everything is as it should be and it's disconcerting, part of me is just waiting for something to go wrong, but closeted away in my room, I'm allowing myself to bask in the good feelings."Morning." Kim rubs her eyes, yawning as she sits up and I'm torn, loving that she's awake and I get to be with her, but also knowing the night is now officially over and at some point today,

I didn't even think twice about skipping school with Kim today and as soon as she said she didn't have a plan, I knew Steven's place would be the place to take her.Part of me wanted to impress her, which is ridiculous because it's not my place, but it was obvious from the moment we pulled up that she was in awe of the whole house.I hate that I had to drop her off to go to work, but then that part of me that's still in denial about the end date of our relationship is telling me if I work hard, save enough money, then I might be able to have a future that includes both her and my brother's. It's much colder recently, so Derek has been allowing Bob, Connor, Rich and Duncan to drink inside, as long as they don't cause any trouble and so far they've been ok, although he tells me it's only a matter of time and so

Carlton Academy must be really keen to have Kian because they offered us a tour the day after I called them. Maggie sorted us all the day off of school so we can go with them and we're all going to work on him together.The building we pull up in front of is enormous and old, built of stone with decorations like you'd see on a church and as we walk into the reception, Maggie's heels clicking on the floor echo around us."Ms Redwood, Mr Alworthy." A woman in a blue suit comes striding out of the first door, her hand outstretched in greeting and even though I've covered the majority of my tattoos, I see her eyes sweep over me and I'm confident she's not impressed with what she sees, but she keeps her false smile in place. "Welcome, it's so nice of you to come. I'm Alison Greaves, the head of Carlton. Would you like to look around first? Coach Argent is going to j

 I watch her drive away from me, struggling to keep myself from.chasing after her. What she did today for Kian just makes me love her more. I can admit that to myself now, I'm in love with her, but unfortunately, that won't change anything.Standing outside while I box away my feelings, I fix my face and go back inside, making sure no one knows what's really going on.Kian is still talking about the rugby lads he met today as if they're god's, gushing about how good each one is and how much fun it was to be around them. Mason and Lloyd are grinning at him and it's obvious they're trying their hardest not to ruin his happiness by taking the piss, especially when he mentions how good one of the boys is at ball handling.I slide into the chair that has unofficially become mine, unnoticed, or so I thought u