I don't know for how long have I been laying here by John's bed. It might been around 8 pm because it was already dark outside. I haven't looked at my phone, maybe someone called me, maybe not. I haven't felt nor pain, hunger, nothing. I was numb. I don't care. All I can care now is that John will be ok. He has to wake up.Don't get me wrong, I have feelings for Mike. We are still together, I think. I don't know to be honest. Maybe it was stupid of me or cliché to expect maybe a nice and warm welcome from my boyfriend after all those years we haven't seen each other. Maybe I was stupid to expect he will be waiting for me at an airport or in my apartment. Maybe I was stupid to think he misses me, he wants to be with me. Maybe."Fucked up." I said angrily wipping my tears off my face. I don't know how long I've been crying. Maybe my expectations were too high.Maybe Hannah was right. I can't expect people's feeling won't get changed after I leave. It wasn't months. It was years. But wha

"Where have you been?" I asked Delia when she came into my apartment.Delia left John when he was little. I never understood how can a mother leave her own child. Abandon your own blood. What reason should be justified by doing such a horrible thing?"Jessica, it was hard..." Delia said after a few moments of silence. Hard? She looks like a model now, remembering her face when I was little, she doesn't look like someone who had a rough life! She is well dressed, her body is in perfect shape, she looks great!"Hard for who? Your husband died! You didn't even came to his funeral!" I raised my voice remembering that horrible funeral and I instantly got a quick flashback to what happened in Detroit that day. I shook those images off. I really can't go back now..."I coudn't come. Believe me, I wanted to but..." She started but her voice trailed off. I rolled my eyes in disapproval. What can be more important then your own family?"Spare me Delia." I said smirking sarcasticaly. Truth is, I

My heart almost stopped when I heard John saying my name. Doctor said he might won't remember anything yet he is here, waking up from this hell, saying my name. I'm not sure whether I would cry or smile! Not knowing how to react otherwise, I just pressed his hand tightly repeating "I'm here."I couldn't talk or say anything beside that. I just held his hand in mine like I never want to lose it again."I'm here John. I'm here..." I repeated myself again, barely audible, as I closed my eyes. Those words were just continuously repeating in my head, sounding like one of those boring ads on a TV, or those catchy songs you can't move out of your head, eventhough they are stupid. His face nor body didn't move again so I couldn't stop caressing his hand both lightly yet strongly enough for him to feel that I'm here. My hand went numb but I didn't want to let him go. Not now. I felt like this is the last time I'm holding him like this. New words was repleaced with older ones, new catchy song a

"My head..." I said barely audible after I woke up at the sound of my alarm with the most horrible headache ever. Worst hangover. My head was big as my room and my stomach was swirling inside me and burned like there's a huge bonfire in there. Even my hands and legs were numb like I ran at least 3 circles around the entire Seattle! Terrible feeling guys, terrible. I guess this is what it feels like when you're drinking at this age. "Are you dying?" Hannah entered my room, leaning on my door, smiling almost victoriously, crossing her arms on her chest. How can she look so good?! I probably look like I just been runned over for like at least four trucks!"I'm already dead." I moaned painfully. "I won't drink anymore. Ever." I said as I turned my body slowly to the left side, feeling disoriented."Jess, it's 6. We have to go." She said smiling. Right now, all I could think of is how much time do I have for throwing up and self pity."I'm going, I'm going..." I said more to myself than t

"So you are saying that Peter is here and Ann is playing the good wife?" Hannah asked me while she stucked a bunch of green salad in her mouth. I looked at her puzzled but I couldn't focus on that now."Yes. She even carressed his hair, repaired his pj's, everything." I rolled my eyes."Did you call Mike?" George asked me, looking at Hannah and the way she was eating that salad. "What is wrong with you?" He asked not waiting for me to answer him. I laughed."I'm having a surgery in half an hour, I want to be ready." Hannah said with her mouth full of food. George and I laughed. He leaned towards her and kissed her cheek. They look so cute together."I..." I started but stopped as I saw Ann passing through cafeteria canteen. Both Hannah and George looked back at her way then back to me, both rolled their eyes. I let a huge sigh and I felt my stomach twirl."Bitch." Hannah exclaimed. I couldn't help it but laugh, even George did. "Let her be." George said barely audible, shaking his he