Chapter 40 – Jayler I stood mentally adrift under the shower as the cold water trickled down incessantly trying to wash away the sticky sweat off of my body. I just got home from that short vacation at the beach and I thought I’m going to be just fine and yet I still feel like I’m in a different space. It’s been quite an unexpected day and the apparent feeling of confusion and shock has been clinging onto me. I have zero to little idea on how would I describe the bizarre and almost unfamiliar feeling when I kissed Lance at that stupid beach party. It just happened in the moment and I don’t even know if I regret doing it but all I know is that I kissed him and I’m pretty much certain that a few people had seen us. I might have to admit the thought that I actually liked the kiss in all fairness, but I’m trying to convince myself that it was just a core mistake that was caused by the alcohol and maybe the sudden feeling of jealousy. I don’t even know why I was feeling jealous when there’

Chapter 42 – Jayler I guess I was being internally and subconsciously expecting for Joyce to react intrepidly violent just like my dad and I was obviously wrong about that. Even with the current knowledge that she’s dating a bisexual guy, I was admittedly enthralled to think that she would be against me kissing a guy and all. It was really sweet to think that this was the first time that I’m feeling great and thankful with a family member reacting to what I said that wasn’t even a lie. “It just happened and I don’t even know that I truly liked it until I sat and thought about it for a hot minute.” I was stripping everything out fully naked for my sister telling her how I truly felt in the moment and she’s very much attentive which was so comforting in a sense. “Do you think I’m sexually confused or is this just a what most people call a phase and that it’s going to pass sooner?” I flat out uttered the words in its rawest form and I’m actually quite surprised that I found the right do

Chapter 44 – Lance I wasn’t entirely sure if I’m going to take the initiative to go and see Jayler right at his table or if I should just wait for him to summon me. I know I should be the one to act proactively mostly because I’m the one who had a lot of questions to ask and the one who needed some sort of clarity towards this mess. My feelings are obviously hurt and I was left confused as goat on Astroturf without even having a sliver of hope that my questions would be answered in a matter of days. I was like a dough who had already risen but was left outside the oven because someone had just decided to order a pizza. Brushing all of those sad feelings aside, I feel relatively happy tonight but I guess I needed just a minute to get myself together. I need to get my shit in order and be calm as possible. Of course there’s no denying what parts of me feels. I’m also feeling a little bit mad that Jayler only showed up almost a month after ignoring me but I’m more than willing to swallo

Chapter 46 – Jayler To say that I’ve had a needle plucked out of my chest was a typical understatement of the overall moment. While, yes it’s true that I felt a needle was plucked out of my heart when I first saw Lance for the first time in three weeks, it was when Lance first decided to approach and strike a conversation with me that I felt a hundred sharp spikes has been pulled out simultaneously. The feeling was substantially alleviating in every aspect and then by the time he invited me to talk somewhere else private which was at the rooftop of the building, the hundred spikes became almost a thousand. The soothing feeling was gradual but each time we level up to a much serious banter, I feel more and more free of the confusion and the fear. There’s no denying the absolute fact that I’m feeling rather ecstatic, relieved and even understood all at the very same time. Lance and I have been talking for the last fifteen minutes and while I’m the only one who’s been doing all of the t

Chapter 48 – Jayler I woke up extremely late the very next morning and I felt overwhelmingly incredible about everything that has happened so far. I don’t feel extra heavy anymore and I have this light air around me that I seem like I’m floating in mid-air for some reason. The rain had just transformed into a rainbow overnight and I guess I’m thankful for my sister in a way for putting this thought in my head that I won’t accomplish anything if I just ignore everything and that I’m the only person who could find the solution to my own predicament. But more than that, I had to give it to myself for deciding to go see Lance last minute and to be quite honest, I wasn’t expecting anything. I wasn’t expecting that it would be solved in a snap and I even had bonus—kissing Lance. If I didn’t go out to see Lance last night, I’m most certainly sulking under the rain right now feeling rather heavy and stressed out and confused. The first thing that came to my mind was what happened last night