BROOKS It's been a little over a month since we were together. I have been having dreams about Crystal lately and it's driving me crazy because I don't normally dream and now that I am, I want what I have been dreaming about. I have to get up and go for a checkup at the VA and I don't want to go. I have one every 6 months unless I get sick. I got dressed and called my mom to let her know I was up and going to my appointment. When I got off the phone with her, I got in the car and headed out. As I was passing by Crystal's house, I saw her sitting outside on the back porch. She looked like she was sick. I slowed down and she looked up and gave me a faint smile. I asked if she was ok and she said she was waiting on her dad to take her to the doctor. I told her I was headed to my 6-month checkup and I would be back in a few hours. She said she would call me when she gets home. I blew her a kiss and headed to the VA. When I pulled up at the VA, I took a deep breath as I got out of the ca

BROOKSI don't understand why she got so upset at my relief when she said she wasn't pregnant. I mean she is 17 and I am 21, she knows we can't get caught. I know she is falling in love with me but I can't fall for her. This was all supposed to be a lay, and that was it. I don't want to be in a relationship but I care for her and I shouldn't. What is wrong with me? I have never been a relationship guy, I have always been a f*ck them and leave or become f*ck buddies. I have never cared for any of the girls before. I also have never been with anyone younger than me, maybe that's what it is. I'm like one of those mentors who care for their mentorees. No that can't be it because I can't stop thinking about her. This girl haunts my mind every minute of the day. My mom walked into the front door and I said I have a question. She asked me what it was and I said can you tell me what it means when a guy or girl is on someone's mind every waking minute of the day? My mom laughed and told me it

CRYSTALWhen I woke up, I kept telling myself it was just a nightmare and that Brooks didn't really come here last night and tell me all that. Deep down I knew it wasn't. I got up out of bed and jumped in the shower. I needed to wash my face really good and try to relieve some of the puffiness from my eyes so I could go to school and not look like I was having an allergic reaction to something. Once my puffiness had gone down, I put some makeup on to try and hide the rest of it. It worked for the majority of it, but you could tell I had been crying. I knew what to tell my dad if he noticed. I'd say I was thinking about my mom. I fixed myself some toast with butter and got my books in my bookbag and headed out the door. When I got to the bus stop force of habit kicked in and I looked that way. I saw his explorer was gone and I turned around and waited for the bus. Jonah walked up behind me and said hey. I turned and was about to say good morning when I saw he had been crying. I asked i

*** Trigger Warning*** This chapter talks about a suic*de attempt and self-harming. CRYSTALWhen Jonah left from my window, I sat back against the wall with tears rolling down my face and grabbed my bottle of anti-depressant medication, and took 4 of them at once. I closed my eyes and tried to picture my mom holding me when I was a kid but I couldn't. I kept seeing his face and hearing him in my head admit everything, hurt so much more than the night he told me. I took another pill and picked up my pocket knife and cut another line into my wrist then another. I was done with all the pain I have had to go through in my life. I didn't want to live anymore. I cut a couple more lines on my wrist and then everything went black. All of a sudden I could hear people talking but couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't speak. I felt like I was choking on something. I was choking on my own vomit. I heard someone telling me it was ok and to relax but I was freaking out. I finally opened my eyes

CRYSTAL I finally get to go home today. I have missed my comfy bed and I have actually missed school. I know I can't go back until next week but I can't wait. I need a distraction from Brooks and I know all the other crap I deal with, will take my mind off of it for a little while. I am still pissed at him and I need him to know I was taking pain meds and that's the only reason I was being nice. Now that I have the IV out and the meds have worn off I am back to wanting to cut his d*ck off for hurting me. The shrink, Dr. Gunn is coming back in, in a few minutes to talk to me again before he signs my release papers and I am going to tell him the same answers I said yesterday. I am not mentally unstable and I want out of this place. I hate hospitals. Brooks has texted me 7 times since I got up and one text last night after I fell asleep. I kind of regret calling him but I was also kind of out of it. I was sitting up in my bed when Dr. Gunn knocked on the door. I told him to come in and