Lahat ng Kabanata ng A Castle of Secrets: Kabanata 21 - Kabanata 30

Elliot is merely a human without me, and a pathetic one at that. I try to have sympathy for him, but I cannot find any. It baffles me how the human brain chooses to remain stuck in any negative pivotal moment in their life. He denies her because he denies himself. How selfish is that? A creature like me can fuck through pain. Why punish myself with abstinence, feeding into that pain, when I can lose myself in someone else and grasp onto pleasure? I see that in Lilliana. Most of her kind choose to remain pure for their future mates. It is kind of sad really. Such women hold themselves to an impossible standard, holding their pleasure hostage for a man that would throw them to the side if the opportunity presented itself. But not her. She doesn’t deny herself the simple pleasures of life. Whether it be fruit stolen from a garden, or the deliciously sinful activities behind closed doors. I can smell the longing for chaos that breeds just beneath her perfect, porcelain skin.

My bow felt heavy on my back today. Cue regret for drinking so much last night. Outside of my oasis, this was a place where I could blow off steam. When it was just me and my bow, the world around me melted away. It had to be that way. If I lost focus, my target was pointless. I’d never successfully hit it. I can’t explain the feeling that washes over me every time my arrow pierces through my target. Whether it be on the board. A tree. An apple. I change size and distance to challenge myself, but it’s difficult to go unnoticed. Pulling the bow from my back and holding it out in front of me, I press the end of the arrow against the string and pull back. The tension in the bow causes my body to shudder with pleasure. Holding the bow just in front of my right shoulder, I stare down at my target around one-hundred and fifty feet ahead. My eyes hyperfocus on the haphazardly painted X on the splintered tree trunk, blurring everything else around me. Inhale. Exhale. Six. Five.

He finger fucked her against a tree... I’ve never wanted and not wanted something more in my entire existence, and he fucking exploited that. Chaos was the definition of an asshole.When I was out in the woods today in a futile attempt to escape her presence, I’d walked straight into that moment with her Beta. I could see in his eyes the way he knew he’d wear her down. He was a fucking prick, and something washed over me, jealousy maybe? But I walked into the perfect trap. And instead of pushing me away, she played along. Lilliana was full of more surprises than I could keep up with. The chase was fucking exhilarating. I haven’t hunted in forever, but I’ve never been the prey. I could smell her arousal as she chased after us. She fucking loved the idea of hunting me. My mind was so clouded by her, I didn’t put up a fight when Chaos pushed forward, tempting me. He was always fucking tempting me with shit I didn’t want, but with Lilliana, it was a game. He knew she was my seco

My chest heaved as the sound moved closer. I stared up at the paintings on the ceiling, trying to focus on anything, but my chest burned from lack of oxygen. Something grabbed my arms, pulling me up, “Lily, deep breaths.” My panicked forest locked with equally panicked ice. One. Two. Three. Four. Elliot’s eyes never left mine as I came down from the high. Five. Six. Finally, my racing heart began to level out and Elliot pulled me flush to his body, just holding me. The tears began flowing as I realized what I’d done. Another panic attack. I haven’t had one in so long. I'm usually able to stop them, but the stress of everything that happened today must have sent my mind into a frenzy. But as I was coming down, my eyes traveled the room, realizing how absolutely fucked I was. This was my sanctuary, and I’d just blown it wide open. I pulled away from Elliot, scooting backwards while holding the towel tight to my chest. “You have to go,” I whispered, frantically lo

My heart stopped beating as I locked eyes with Zach. I tried to take short, shallow breaths, but nothing satisfied the growing burn in my chest. My lungs felt as if they'd been set on fire. Slowly moving my hand down to grasp Elliots, I squeezed tight. His head snapped towards me, but I was frozen in place, unable to peel my eyes from Zach’s. He looked indifferent. Unbothered by my presence. How? How can you stare into the woman’s eyes that you assaulted and feel.... nothing. I felt everything. The terror of knowing what was going to happen to me. The weight of his body against mine. The dirty, ruined feel of my body when I finally woke up, alone, in the woods outside of that party. The dryness in my eyes from laying there, sobbing for hours. The way that every day, for years, I looked in the mirror and saw the handprints, smeared mascara, and leaves matted in my hair. The panic attacks when I relived the moment. And to top it all off, the fucking shame of him knowing my darkest d