Lahat ng Kabanata ng SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE: Kabanata 71 - Kabanata 80

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB *•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*• The sun is out, the weather is bright, strangely reflecting my emotional state. Everything feels a little brighter today. The day before was a chaotic mess of yelling, silence, and emotional whiplash, but the visit to Tony's apartment is a bright spot that has followed me into today. It’s the reason I feel light today, hopeful, like I’m carrying a piece of sunlight inside me. I’m still a mess, don’t get me wrong—my life is a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing—but today feels different. Today is Thursday. Another day. Another chance. I’m headed to the library for another tutoring session with Levi, which has now been bumped to three times a week. Levi didn’t sugarcoat it when he told me why: “You’re too far behind, Caleb, and you need to catch up.” His bluntness stung, but he was wasn’t wrong. I am behind. But at least I'm doing something about it. I'm taki

CALEB After the final cheer dies on the ice. In its place, an uneasy silence descends. The players now stand in a motionless arc around Luke. The faint antiseptic tang of the first aid kit of the trainers has permeated the air. I can see the worried, hushed faces of the other players, their confident bravado from the win draining away. My own breathing feels shallow, caught in my chest. I’m standing next to another person whose heart is being torn in two. Tony is completely still. Like he’s not breathing. His hands, still gripping the railing, are shaking. His knuckles are white, and a vein in his forehead is pulsing frantically to the rhythm of his fear. His eyes, wide and terrified, are fixed on the small huddle on the ice. “Is he gonna be okay?” he whispers.Was the question directed at me or the universe? I don’t know what to say. I don’t know Luke. I don’t like Luke. But seeing Tony like this, so broken and so helpless, makes me want to wrap my arms around him and hold him

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*• CALEB *•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*••**•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*• Levi drops me off at my dorm, after insisting I call him if I need anything. Immediately he drives off, I have half a mind to go after him and tell him to take me to his apartment. The plants there probably live better than I do. When I finally drag myself inside, it’s like I’m hit with a brick of restlessness and emptiness. I’m convinced this dorm is the cause. The walls are dampened with the cold spring air. My side of the room is a complete mess so I’m camping in Luke’s bed tonight. I don’t care. I know the responsible thing to do would be to clean it, but I’m not that, I’m anything but. I don’t care to change out of my clothes, just kick of my shoes and creep under Luke’s sheets. At least they’re clean. They’re always clean anyway. Luke is a neat freak. He folds his laundry the second it’s dry, lines up his shoes neatly under the bed and makes his bed

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•Luke’s groaning again, not like a whale-dying-in-his-sleep this time. This one’s real and frustrated, reverberating off the wet bathroom walls. I lift my head from my pillow to listen. Another thud. Then a hiss, “fuck.” Definitely trying to bathe.“Luke?” I call, pushing off the bed. No response. Just the sound of water and pain and maybe Luke’s pride swirling down the drain.I knock on the toilet door once. “Everything alright in there?”Still no response. When I push the door open, everywhere is so fogged up, I almost can’t see the disaster happening. Luke’s bent by the shower, balancing on one leg, looking very uncomfortable, the other leg in the bright blue cast is wrapped in a trash bag. He’s hanging on to the sink with one hand, glaring at the wall like he has a personal beef with it. “Seriously, why won’t you just go over to Tony’s?” I say handing him a to

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•CALEB*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•I’m a breath away from losing it. I am going to lose it if Levi keeps flipping the page of his textbook from side to side. Or shifts on his seat or cleats his throat for the thousandth time. It’s silent between us which would’ve been okay if Levi weren’t making it so fucking tense and awkward.For some reason, he clears his throat. I’m not going to say anything. I’m going to say absolutely nothing. “I mean,” I finally give in, my eyes remain on my notes, “you could’ve easily texted, if you needed extra time to… finish up with your guest.”Levi goes completely still beside me. “Excuse me?”“Nothing.” I deflect. “Forget it.” I underline a phrase, already underlined.He puts his pen down. “No. Say it.”Facing him, I say “I just think it’s a little unprofessional. That’s all. You wanted clear boundaries, remember?”His jaw tightens slightly. “I didn’t realize I needed