Lahat ng Kabanata ng Was It Worth It Taking The Risk: Kabanata 31 - Kabanata 40

If someone… will show me love, will I know what's love by the time, then? And if that happens… will I truly love? Or… I just love the idea of knowing how it is to be loved? Magulo, pero… nakakaakit. Malabo, pero gusto ko… Nakakatakot, pero paano kapag hindi pala? Paano kapag ang takot pala na ‘to ay ang katotohanang… gusto ko din namang magmahal… at mahalin.I grew up thinking that my father left me, and my mother for that he has another family, and we are just a mistake. I am a mistake. Me and my mother… is his mistake. Buong buhay ko, palagi ko iyong naririnig. Sa mga kaklase, taong na sa paligid na alam ang sitwasyon namin, at maging ang mga taong tinatawag ni Mama na pamilya — sila Tita Meredith at Tita Tanya.Lumaki ako na sinasampal nang paulit ulit ng reyalidad— wala akong tatay, at dahil ‘yon sa hindi niya kami gusto…. Hindi niya kami gusto ni Mama. Pagkakamali niya kami, at hindi minamahal ang pagkakamali.So, believing in love now seems… foreign to me. I despised it, but

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I feel like I'm stuck in a memory and it's playing in my head in a loop. Hindi ako makawala. Nilulunod ako ng mga alala na ‘yon.My mother's words I kept with me, I swore to abide, I made it my principle. Maybe… I was not really kind at all. But I can never commit such a mistake… more of a crime.I hate thieves. Tita Meredith is a thief. She accused my mother of her own doing. Ginamit niyang pantakip ang Mama ko para maging biktima siya sa paningin ng mga tao. At ang Mama ko, masama.I can never forget that. I despised that memory. And I made it my driving force… to not be like her. I would never be like her. “Why would they accuse you of stealing? Hindi ka nagnakaw, hindi ba?” Psalm drove us off to my condo.Ewan ko kung tama bang nandito siya gayong wala akong ibang nagagawa kundi ang tumunganga at paulit ulit na isipin kung ano ba talaga ang ginawa. Ano ba talagang nangyayari?It won't sink in to me. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin. Wala akong ninanakaw, kaya

My body froze and the confidence I had earlier slightly buckled. Parang gusto kong umurong at mag isip. Sumigaw at magmura. Tawagan si Alex at humingi ng tulong.But no, I can't do all of that. I cannot buckle up now. Hindi puwede. I know I should have given myself a proper and enough time to think this through, but the thought that the people here are throwing me allegations and worse accusations horrified me. Mr. Almario’s laugh echoed the whole office. The look of every eye inside screams judgment and pity. I felt… embarrassed… humiliated.I looked at Mr. Almario and made myself composed as much as I could.“I hope you don't choke on your laugh and die early, Mr. Almario.” I chuckled, voice low. “I really do…” Tinapunan ko ng tingin ang iba pang katrabaho. Some are avoiding my eye contact as if they are ashamed of judging, and some are holding it in looking so proud they're judging me. I scoffed as I got the letter on my table. It was really a show cause letter. I gripped it t

I value friendship — much more the friendship I have with Alex. We treat each other as sisters, or maybe… it was just me who assumed that. Betrayal isn't her thing— that's the only reason that's keeping me away from the idea of her… actually betraying me. It's a hard pill to swallow. The signs are clearly showing it… and I kept myself blind enough… Wala, e. Siya lang ang kaibigan na meron ako… Hindi ko naman mapipigilang masaktan, ‘di ba? I reported my lost wallet to the police. When I asked the front desk in the company, they said they had found nothing. So, maybe it was taken outside by whoever got it from the inside. And most probably… the person who got it works under the same company…. The odds are big, and it's the most probable scenario. If not, then maybe it's a stranger… ang sama lang at mas pinili niyang nakawan ang pera roon, imbes na isauli. But I also have doubts about it, because the money is from the company. My name was used for the transfer… kaya ako ang naa

Maybe… we go through things… and it's normal, because we are living. It's much more painful if you're only existing. But for some, it's better to exist than to live. And I honestly don't get it at first… because growing up with the judgment of people around me, I always seek for fun, and I always want them to see how wrong they think of me. But now… it was different. Maybe I should have only existed, and didn't wish to live free… because of the aftermath. The consequences of wanting more… means receiving less. I wanted to live a good life, and if not, I want to have, at least, a joyful one. Because, growing up, I never had this kind of freedom, because I was always doomed, and eyes were always watching me, waiting for me to fail.And now when I think that I'm slowly having it, and I have proven myself… it all suddenly crumbled down. All because I wish for more— for love.Maybe I was ambitious for things… I wanted a good life, one that could make me breath freely without having to