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CHAPTER 31

Penulis: sherthenize
last update Terakhir Diperbarui: 2025-07-10 10:57:59

If someone… will show me love, will I know what's love by the time, then? And if that happens… will I truly love? Or… I just love the idea of knowing how it is to be loved?

Magulo, pero… nakakaakit. Malabo, pero gusto ko… Nakakatakot, pero paano kapag hindi pala?

Paano kapag ang takot pala na ‘to ay ang katotohanang… gusto ko din namang magmahal… at mahalin.

I grew up thinking that my father left me, and my mother for that he has another family, and we are just a mistake. I am a mistake. Me and my mother… is his mistake.

Buong buhay ko, palagi ko iyong naririnig. Sa mga kaklase, taong na sa paligid na alam ang sitwasyon namin, at maging ang mga taong tinatawag ni Mama na pamilya — sila Tita Meredith at Tita Tanya.

Lumaki ako na sinasampal nang paulit ulit ng reyalidad— wala akong tatay, at dahil ‘yon sa hindi niya kami gusto…. Hindi niya kami gusto ni Mama. Pagkakamali niya kami, at hindi minamahal ang pagkakamali.

So, believing in love now seems… foreign to me. I despised it, but
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  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 33

    Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I feel like I'm stuck in a memory and it's playing in my head in a loop. Hindi ako makawala. Nilulunod ako ng mga alala na ‘yon.My mother's words I kept with me, I swore to abide, I made it my principle. Maybe… I was not really kind at all. But I can never commit such a mistake… more of a crime.I hate thieves. Tita Meredith is a thief. She accused my mother of her own doing. Ginamit niyang pantakip ang Mama ko para maging biktima siya sa paningin ng mga tao. At ang Mama ko, masama.I can never forget that. I despised that memory. And I made it my driving force… to not be like her. I would never be like her. “Why would they accuse you of stealing? Hindi ka nagnakaw, hindi ba?” Psalm drove us off to my condo.Ewan ko kung tama bang nandito siya gayong wala akong ibang nagagawa kundi ang tumunganga at paulit ulit na isipin kung ano ba talaga ang ginawa. Ano ba talagang nangyayari?It won't sink in to me. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin. Wala akong ninanakaw, kaya

  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 32

    I didn't steal anything! Hell! Bakit ako magnanakaw! I worked my ass off to finish my degree, topped the bar and worked decently to be paid well! I won't steal! Hinding hindi ako magnanakaw!I may lack morals for some things but I would never do such a thing! My mother raised me well, and even if I have ruined views about certain things I know, it's not enough for me to commit such a crime! I would never steal… especially that I'm working in this company.I dialed and dialed Alex’s number. Gulong gulo ako. Gusto kong kausapin si Ma’am Matilda pero hindi na niya ako pinagbuksan ng opisina dahil marami pa siyang online meetings na dinadaluhan. And Mr. Almario took off early and I can't even contact him! Hindi niya ako sinasagot! No one is answering my calls and queries. And even if I don't want this to go to Alex, I have no choice.I need help. At si Alex lang ang kaya kong pagkatiwalaan. Alex is not answering her phone. I don't fucking know what to do anymore! I have already rece

  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 31

    If someone… will show me love, will I know what's love by the time, then? And if that happens… will I truly love? Or… I just love the idea of knowing how it is to be loved? Magulo, pero… nakakaakit. Malabo, pero gusto ko… Nakakatakot, pero paano kapag hindi pala? Paano kapag ang takot pala na ‘to ay ang katotohanang… gusto ko din namang magmahal… at mahalin.I grew up thinking that my father left me, and my mother for that he has another family, and we are just a mistake. I am a mistake. Me and my mother… is his mistake. Buong buhay ko, palagi ko iyong naririnig. Sa mga kaklase, taong na sa paligid na alam ang sitwasyon namin, at maging ang mga taong tinatawag ni Mama na pamilya — sila Tita Meredith at Tita Tanya.Lumaki ako na sinasampal nang paulit ulit ng reyalidad— wala akong tatay, at dahil ‘yon sa hindi niya kami gusto…. Hindi niya kami gusto ni Mama. Pagkakamali niya kami, at hindi minamahal ang pagkakamali.So, believing in love now seems… foreign to me. I despised it, but

  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 30

    Madilim, pero maganda… Masaya, pero nakakatakot. Saka ko lang naramdaman ang labis na lamig nang hanggang bewang ko na ang tubig. The night was so beautiful in my sight. The moon was placed in between the sky and the sea… it was far, yet it looked so big… scary and starry. Marahan akong bumaba pa para maka-langoy sa malalim na parte. I took my time under the water, it felt like nothing… The blur sound feels like everything. I can only have this peace when I'm drowned. It felt like a rumbled heart of mine was trying to fight. Umahon ako. Nakita ko ang paglangoy ni Psalm palapit sa akin. Hinintay ko siya. When he showed himself in front of me, soaked, he was already naked. “You didn't tell me you wanted to swim… You brought clothes, right?” He raked his wet hair back using his fingers. He looked hot. When I looked into his eyes, it showed me the reflection of the moon. Starry and beautiful. Deep and soulful.“I guess, I can just go home… naked?” I joked.“No…” umiling siya. “You ca

  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 29

    I don't know how love differ from lust. Is it because when it's love you say I love yous whenever you do it, and when it's lust… you don't? If it's lust, it would only be filled with loud moaning of names… and some dirty talks? Hindi ba nagdi-dirty talk kapag love? Paano nila iyon ginagawa? Hindi ba sila napapamura sa sarap?“What is your view about marriage?” I asked after a while. We are sitting now on the sand in front of the beach. The night is young, and the wind is blowing cold. Hindi ko alintana iyon, nasasanay na rin ako sa lamig. But Psalm put his tuxedo coat on my shoulders.He is sitting next to me, eyes are on the waves of the ocean. Psalm, to me, feels like an ocean. He's full of things I'm scared of… and yet I chose to drown myself in him. Only that, I am hard enough to continue paddling myself… to the shore. I needed to get out. I needed to save myself. “I think marriage is best to those who truly swear, and not for people who make lying as a hobby.” He chuckled. “Y

  • Was It Worth It Taking The Risk   CHAPTER 28

    I came here to attend a wedding which Psalm invited me in. At hindi ako nandito para makipag usugan ng salita sa babaeng ‘to. Marami pa akong iniisip, at hindi pa humuhupa ang kaba ko, sasali pa siya. Hindi ba pwedeng lubayan na lang ako ng katarantaduhan ng pamilya ni Tita Meredith? “What are you doing here?” I asked, voice controlled. I didn't want to start a fight even though us staying in one small space could light a fire and start a war. I didn't want to cause a disaster. But for any means, I fucking felt that we'll go far from talking. Nakakainis ang itsura ng Malariang ‘to! “I'm here to use the comfort room?” She answered as if I'm so dumb not to think about it. Ikaw ang bobo. “Oh, you travelled all the way here to use their… comfort room?” I scoffed. Her smile faded and I felt her slowly feeling irritated. Napairap ako. “What do you think about me, Talliana? A stalker of yours? Hell, no!” Tumaas ang boses niya ngayon. Napairap ako muli. I crossed my arms and looked

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