Guilty Passion

~The story of my life moves in rhythm to chaos along with a mesmerizing harmony of your voice engraved in my soul but all of them are buried in those graves of remorse~

In your life you meet people, some become your ravage, some become your redemption but if the same person becomes both your devastation and liberation then what would you do? Well, I took the side of ravage and still regret it now.

“Ashley.” I called my sister who was sitting beside me. She hummed as I hesitantly asked, “Did… she ever confessed her love for me?” I know the reply still, I ask this question a million times to her. Every time I hear it’s answer it gives me solace as a source to keep breathing and stay alive apart from Damon and Charles.

“Yes. She loved you a lot.” Ashley breathed out, passing me a faint smile. Whenever I heard it an instant calm was given to my soul to know she held a shred of love in her heart for me- unlike me.

Upon hearing it, I bit my cheek to contain my anguish inside me, my heart felt heavy. When it gives me tranquility, the weight of these words gives me intense agony. I closed my eyes to not let the tears which are threatening to fall out and leaned back on my seat. “You have lost her in resentment. Don’t neglect them in repentance.” Ashley whispered, trying to guide me about what to do. I exhaled and nodded, “I know. I won’t make the same mistake twice.” I replied in a broken whisper. “I can’t lose them.”

“I’ll be back.” I stood up.

“Are you going to see her?” She asked. I nodded and left.

I entered her room and closed the door behind me. My heart skipped a beat in dread. I let out shallow breaths, no matter how much I tried to contain myself all my efforts were in vain. They all crumble me from inside.

Everything slipped out of my grasp and I failed to notice it. Before I knew it, I lost what I began to cherish more than my life. She may have given me reasons to live but how will I calm the storm in my heart which seeks no one but her?

I have told you that we could sort this out, but you were stubborn as always, you didn’t listen and here I am, looking at your body again with the smile you desired to espy and those lilies you always wanted me to give you. I looked at your laying body with a smile over my lips as all those not so good memories of ours flashed in my mind and drowned me in guilt more. You weren’t dead but are in eternal sleep. You left, leaving a deep scar on my heart and all I can do is to feel that tingling sensation of pain to break me apart more.

“Avery…” I called her and sat beside her, holding her hands and giving them a slight squeeze. A gentle smile crept upon my lips as I put the flowers beside her, brushing my thumb over her delicate skin as I began to say in a low tone,

 “I… know it was all my fault. Only if I accepted my fate like you none of it would happen…”. A silent tear rolled down from the corner of my eyes, heartbreak filled me up.

“But once… for once, you should have told me about the condition of your heart that my weight was.. too much for you to take… I.. I might do something. The walls of loath are no more inside me… And I have paid a great price to understand your importance in my life. To know hate brings nothing but chaos…” I said in a croaked voice. My heart is imprisoned in the crimes I have executed, all alone in misery.

“I.. have lost everything. I may have them but I don’t have you. You should have listened to me... I have lost a piece of my heart…. The sins I have committed made me your culprit and this is my punishment to lose you after having you.. How could I let this happen? You are mine… but you are not… I wanted you in my life. Whom will I tell about the.. condition of my heart now? You left me like everyone... You promised to stay and provide me solace...”

Overwhelmed by grief I couldn’t be able to produce a sound anymore other than a sob. When the unbearable reality filled me that no matter how much I will call her, how much I will confess my penitence and pain, she will never wake up. A stream of tears flowed from my eyes, reflecting my destruction I gave to myself. No sound escaped my lips after it but the tears glistened on my cheek were falling on her hand.

An Alpha was crying, bending his knees before the love he lost. But, it wasn't new, I have shredded countless tears and heartbreaks. My heart felt heavy from pain and I wanted to inflict this darkness in me so that I could understand how wrong I was and if I held my hand out, none of this would have happened. It was all my fault. I never tried to reach out to the calls of liberation, leading me to this day.

It was all my fault, my hatred led me to this day. It was all my fault and all I could do now is to cry over what little was left from the havoc I have created. Only if I reached my hand to her...

I lowered my head in shame, not being able to speak anything. The overflowing sorrow filled me up and I couldn’t be able to stay composed anymore. I grit my teeth trying to contain the sensation of mourning but to no avail, there’s no path. I am inside a loop of misery, crumbling to dust with no hope of running away from this irrefutable reality. A sob escaped my lips as my grip on her hand tightened, My heart shattered as I let out deafening sound of cries, showing my anguish and the only sound I was able to produce was,

“I have always loved you...”