A Damaged Alpha

“When I found my parents dead in their bedroom four days ago, I had no idea what to do. I still don’t really. 

Like most of you here today, I switch between demanding bloody vengeance or wanting to cry. Alpha Ivan and Luna Cherish were the soul of this pack. In their twenty years our newborn nation defied everyone’s expectations.

A piece of my soul died that night. I know my twin brother feels the same.

They loved, were loved, and will be forever missed."

Inhaling deeply I force myself to continue. The sun is setting before me, casting long, bleak shadows. My handwritten notes blur, the heartbroken markings dancing illegibly before my tear-filled eyes.

“The Moon Goddess has a purpose for us all. We offer our beloved Alpha and Luna back to her gentle comfort. Cillian will now light the funeral pyre and assume his rightful role as Alpha of the Shadowlands. Blessings upon him and his leadership.”

The last sentences flew out of me just before my voice broke. Thankfully I’d memorised it otherwise I’d have stared blankly at the hundreds of people packed into the town square. 

As a child I’d watched countless speeches and dances from this rickety wooden podium. I’d never imagined the time for leading my parents’ funeral, installing my twin brother as Alpha would come so soon.

Cillian nodded firmly at me as I returned to my seat. His jaw was clenched, the torch he took from Beta Jackson burning as furiously red as his hair. He marched steadily towards the huge pile of wood in the silent square. In the centre, just visible through the logs, wrapped in white and lilac linens were my murdered parents.

The crowd parted, all nodding softly in respect. The population of Cragstone had watched us both grow up. Some packs are grateful to see the end of a reign and celebrate. Not today.

As Cillian gingerly lit the pyre, its sudden surge of heat and flames made everyone take a step back. The crowd silently studied the fire, hungrily consuming the bodies within. Numbly, I wondered what my parents would think of me.

My composed, honourable speech left out some rather important details. While they were murdered, I was sound asleep, recovering from being exquisitely fucked within an inch of my life and marked by my new mate. 

Nikolai Romanov, future Alpha of the White Forest Pack.

He had stormed up to me during his parents' Ball. Radiating danger and a dark, deliciously possessive energy he had secretly kissed me under the full moon, unleashing the mate bond.

Even so, the instant Cillian mind linked me, I woke and sprinted to their suite to be with my twin. I know his distraught eyes judged my appearance. Nikolai’s mark was still freshly seared on my collarbone, ragged strawberry blonde hair, my evening gown ripped and barely covering my chest.

I remember how Nikolai’s warm seed seeped down my aching thighs, reeking of sex and his fiery, spicy scent. I was a mess even before I broke down screaming in grief.

If my parents had seen me, would they have been disappointed?

/Stop combining the two events/ my wolf Priya reprimands curtly.

In the three days since then I've barely eaten. Travelling with their bodies in the carriage back home before crashing out into nightmare laden dreams that leave me sobbing. Priya tries to console me but she is hurting too, for different reasons.

Nikolai hasn’t spoken to me since he marked me. My mate, my second heartbeat has left me to deal with this alone. 

Even Cillian only just made it back in time for the funeral. His tired blue eyes brim with anger and our embrace was weighed down by an invisible cloak of grief. He appears to have aged overnight. 

We were joking and chilled last week, hanging out with friends and joking about how boring the ball was going to be.  Now we are solemn, leaden adults surrounded by ritual.

My so-called mate arrived with his father Alpha Alexander, sister Freya and her mate Phillipe from the Rising Star Pack. Casually stood around like any regular guest! Reluctantly he took the seat next to me on the podium after my speech, awkwardly clearing his throat. 

"Hello Genevieve."

"Hello," I barely managed back. I’m usually spirited, ready to spar with anyone but right now, all I can see is the fire.

Despite his cold greeting, my eyes notice the gap in his black shirt, a hint of chest hair and muscle. His spiced scent hits my senses and I look up at his stern face in naive hope.

Brutally, he keeps his eyes straight ahead. Clearly four days away from his mate has done little to him. Bastard.

I return to staring down at my black gloved hands. Why isn't he holding one of them? Why hasn't my cheek had a sympathetic kiss?

So I reached out for him. I place my gloved hand on his, hoping to elicit some response. I get nothing. I'm starving for comfort and he will not yield.

"Where have you been then?"

"Busy." His deep, husky voice had sounded so enticing before. 

At the White Forest Ball, he had sought me out, looming over me and making me feel dizzy. His spicy scent singed my senses, his shaggy black hair and dark eyes fiercely brooding. The so-called bad boy of the ball had left me like a rabbit in headlights. 

To my shock he had gruffly suggested he had no desire to ever be Alpha. 

So far that interaction has been our only real conversation. Yet when he kissed me, the snap of the mate bond fired through me like a gunshot. When he roughly stripped me and explored every bit of me, I drowned in sensations of pleasure I didn’t even know existed. I forgot my own name as he overwhelmed my world. 

Thinking of that night makes a blush rise to my face. I knew he was dangerous, tempting, and different.

I had never imagined he could be cold. If someone told me he had an identical, miserable twin I would have believed them right now.

The rosy blush on my cheek swiftly pales into one of mortification when Nikolai curtly removes my small hand from his before the crowd. The fire continues to crackle, eradicating my parents from this world as tears trickle down my cheeks.

Disappointment and grief swirl together, my shoulders shake, and my hands rise to cover my face. So I lean left this time. Jackson, my father’s most trusted Beta, is there. Old and battle-scarred it is his strong arm that pulls me close, softly whispering comforting words.

Jacksons huge embrace gave me compassion where my mate failed. His huge black and grey beard is oddly ticklish. I collapse into sobs as the orange glow of the sunset briefly merges with that of the tallest flames. 

It almost gives the impression they are one and the same, my parents transferring from earth to sky. Leaving me alone in the White Forest Pack, Cillian alone to rule the Shadowlands. 

We aren’t ready for this, we’re only nineteen. 

/You’re not alone at White Forest, we have Nikolai…it’s just complicated right now/ Priya chides again.

I beg to differ. I know I woke up completely alone in the bedroom when Cillian mind-linked me. 

So where the hell was Nikolai when my parents were murdered?