What Are The Most Hilarious Friends Quotes From Joey?

My best friend loved playing 'jokes.' On my birthday, she projected my worst photos in front of everyone, saying she just wanted to 'liven up the mood.' When I was on my period, she deliberately gave me a defective pad. Even when she saw the stain on my clothes, she said nothing–claiming she was helping me 'get more attention.' After I started dating, she edited my photos into suggestive images and spread them across social media groups, pricing them like a product. When I finally snapped and confronted her, she just laughed. "I'm just helping you test your boyfriend," she said. "If he doubts you, then he doesn't really love you. How can you blame me?" Later, a man used the information from those posts to track me down and harm me. I did not survive what followed. However, when I opened my eyes again, I was back to the day she first shared those images.

Right after I got pregnant by accident, all three of my friends-with-benefits coworkers dumped me. "You're just a girl from an ordinary family. My parents would never accept you. Stop clinging to me." "Babe, my first love is back in the country. I can't keep playing this game with you anymore. It's over." "Take your dirty money and get the hell out of my life!" I didn't tell any of them. I slipped away to Europe and had the baby in secret. But the moment I disappeared, all three of them lost it: [You heartless woman.] [Anna, pulling the vanishing act again? Playing hard to get much?] [Baby, forget about her. I don't want my childhood sweetheart anymore. Just come back, please?]

I had a best friend who was sweet as honey but only with her mouth. Behind my back, she was a demon. She stole my boyfriend, the underboss of the Chicago Outfit. Her excuse? She wanted to keep me away from the darkness and the blood, so she'd take the suffering in my place. She pawned her wedding ring and fed her husband some story about a limited edition bag for me. She skimmed from her husband's company accounts and pinned it on my male escort habit. She was pregnant and still wanted thrills. So she went to a full-blown orgy with her husband's uncle and a group of his associates. That's how she ended up hemorrhaging. But somehow it was my fault. I was the one who organized that kind of party, according to her. And her story? She tried to stop me, so I pushed her down and made her lose the baby. In the end, her husband sent me to a cartel hellhole in Mexico to atone for my sins. There, her lover sold me to the red-light district. First came the addiction. Then the streets. I served every man in their outfit, one after another. My body rotted. I died slow, sick, and alone. When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the night my best friend miscarried because of her own filthy party.

My boyfriend's "best female friend" was angry again. Why? Because for our five-year anniversary, he got a gift just for me—and forgot about hers. Simone Baker threw a complete fit, sobbing and making a huge scene. Scott Tanner immediately blocked me and removed me on Instagram, then changed our matching couple profile pictures. "Girls can be so dramatic," he said. "Once I've calmed her down, we'll switch them back." I reminded him, "That makes a hundred times now." He just smiled and gave me a quick kiss. "I know. I'll make it fast this time." That night, Simone posted a status update: [Your effort was acceptable. You get three days of freedom.] Almost immediately, Scott unblocked me. [Okay, babe. We can put our couple pictures back now.] But then a male account—using my half of the matching photo—sent him a friend request, followed by a single question mark. [Since when are couple photos a group project?]

What do 26 years of friendship, plus 26 years of pent-up, sexual frustration, and one drunken, exciting, night on the beach get me? I just found out I'm pregnant with my best friend's baby... How the hell am I supposed to tell him that we're having a baby together? How will he react, and will he want this blessing just as much as I do? What's even worse is our parents have started to date each other... What does that mean for Cole and me?

A top-rated comment caught my eye while I was browsing an online confession thread. [I have a confession. My best friend and his wife tried everything to have a baby. After countless medical visits, they discovered the fertility issue was with him.] [I felt so sorry for him that whenever he was away on business trips or at medical appointments, I secretly helped his wife try to conceive.] [I never wanted to wreck their marriage. I just wanted him to have a child. But somewhere along the way, I started falling for her too.] [A few years ago, she used overseas training as a cover to give birth and bring the child home. He even made me the kid’s godfather.] [The kid’s five now, and his wife has somehow managed to balance the two of us perfectly.] [Honestly, I think things are pretty good the way they are. I get to be with the woman I love, and I don’t have to lose someone important to me.] The comments tore him apart, but he barely seemed to care. Instead, he uploaded a photo of a woman cooking in the kitchen. [If you knew how good I’ve got it, you’d want to be me.] I recognized the woman at a glance. She was my wife. Beside her Jaeger-LeCoultre watch was a black braided men’s bracelet. I had personally slipped it onto her wrist just last week.