What Are The Signs Of A Bully Roommate?

The subtle jab at your decor choices. The over-the-top sighs after you’ve spoken at length. ‘Accidental’ damage to your things. Your bully roommate enjoys creating double standards. For example, it’s perfectly fine for him to have overnight guests, but God forbid you do the same and have different sorts of guests.

Additionally, bully roommates can also try to control the finances of the apartment. For instance, they can suddenly demand that the internet bill be split 70/30 because they ‘use’ it more, even though the contract specifies that it is split equally. They may also demand that you pay for ‘repairs’ that are really just normal wear and tear. On top of that, they may post vaguely negative tweets about ‘the worst roommates ever’ or flaunt an event that you weren’t invited to on Facebook. Because bully roommates are unpredictable, you start to overcompensate for the smallest things that they might get upset about. After six months with one such roommate, I realized that I was folding her laundry because I didn’t want to fight with her. If your home feels more like a minefield than a home, trust your gut and start documenting every incident.

Even the sneakiest bully in the world has a telling behavior, and that’s to constantly cross a boundary or do something that is rude or karaokely (to insult jokingly). My last roommate was notorious for using my things without asking and then getting really upset when I got really upset that they used my things. Most notably, he would “loan” me clothes and then return them covered in strange stains and act really indignant when I was grossed out by them. Note also that instead of talking to me about whatever their beef is with me, they’d write me a passive-aggressive note or text message.

Keep an eye out for roommates that try to split you up from other roommates in the house. For example, a bully may tell the other roommates that you are nasty, and then not invite you to parties. My bully threw a party one night and I was not invited. It was a very loud party too, and the music was blasting until 3am. This bully also tried to split the bills for our shared house in unfair ways, and would ‘charge’ me for random things from time to time. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around this bully, and never really knew what I did wrong. I always had to justify the bully’s behavior to myself, and I hate to admit that there are shared living spaces that are indeed psychological battlegrounds.

A bully is often most noticeable when they are to treat shared spaces as their own playground. This can mean that they intentionally leave a mess to do your chores for you, or that they are excessively picky about how you complete your own tasks, while not applying the same rules to themselves. A bully may also take over shared spaces of the apartment, such as the living room, and become angry or defensive when the other roommates use the space as well. Bullying by noise is also very common and can include blasting music during the roommate’s finals, or closing doors very loudly in order to wake them up.

Instead, they can control the mood of the apartment. At times they can be very sugary towards you in order to manipulate you. Other times, they can be silent towards you for no reason whatsoever. When I had a roommate, he would frequently eat my groceries and then leave fake notes of apology with smiley faces on them. However, these notes would be void of any true remorse and instead he would play the victim in the situation. He would say things like “Why are you so sensitive?” or “It’s just a joke!” while ruining your peace. Pay attention to how you feel when you come home from work/school etc. If you feel any sort of dread then that is a warning sign that you have a bully for a roommate.