Why Am I Unable To Write My New Chapter?

I’m trapped, trapped in a mate bond I hate. Will I ever escape its hold on me? “I, Than Sable, Alpha of the Amber Desert Pack, reject you Kaia Glace as my Luna.” I remember his cruel cutting words as if they were only yesterday. Our mate bond is non-existent. That’s a lie, it exists but Than doesn’t allow himself to get close to me…to be alone in a room with me. It’s as if I disgust him. He has reduced me to nothing. A shadow of a mate and I hate him for it. I can’t keep living like this, waiting… I am Kaia Glace, the rightful Luna of the Amber Desert pack. Yet my mate, Alpha Than, refuses to let me rule by his side. I feel cheated by the mate bond, unwanted by my own mate. Years I’ve spent trying to get him to love me…to see me…but how can I? When he has another…. I can’t stay, it isn’t safe for me anymore or my unborn child. A child created by force. I have to leave…to runaway and find my Father. He is the only lifeline I have. However, he was last seen at the enemy pack, the Dark Phantom pack. A notorious pack with a cold and scheming Alpha, who doesn’t take kindly to outsiders. It is said, those who enter the pack are never seen again. But I have no choice…into the enemy pack I must go to rid myself of my mate bond. Only, I myself find another. Another that dooms me to the same trickery of the mate bond.

“Darcy is feeling dizzy tonight. Let's suppress our bond, Emma. We can have our marking ceremony some other day.” Those were the exact words he spat when I called him on the day that was supposed to be our marking ceremony. It was the seventh time he asked me to suppress the sacred bond between us for his childhood sweetheart. The first time he suppressed it was because Darcy’s pack was under attack and he wanted to be by her side. “Darcy is fighting for her survival and you want me to be pulled by our fated bond? Don't make me believe you are this selfish., Emma.” The third time he suppressed it he said, “Darcy is having a fever. I can't leave her alone.” By the sixth time, he didn't bother explaining why he had the witch suppress our bond in the most brutal way possible because he was in a hurry to go meet Darcy. Since we were fated mates, every time he wanted to be intimate with her, he would have a witch suppress the bond between us. As an Alpha, this suppression barely affects him but as an Omega, it would leave me in a terrible pain that I could not get up from my bed for weeks. Though devastated seeing me in such pain, he would offer me only a few lines of apologies and a bundle of promises to make it up to me in future. That's it. So, when the seventh time, he refused to mark me and came home to suppress our bond to be with Darcy, I had already packed my clothes. It will be the last time he suppresses our bond because the next time, there will be no bond between us to suppress.

After ten years as the Ghost Wolf, I finally learn that I am actually the Alpha's eldest daughter of the Blue Moon Pack. When I return home this time, I make no effort to rebuild bonds with my parents. They choose to hand the family succession to my younger sister, Tatiana Truss, so I volunteer to leave for the Northern Werewolf University. They let her steal my fiance, so I end the engagement myself and give them what they want. In my previous life, I spent my entire life chasing love, only to end up despised by everyone. My mate resented me for not breaking the engagement sooner to bless him and Tatiana. Even my own pup frowned at me on my deathbed and said, "Mom, stop fighting with Aunt Tatiana. She compromised for you her whole life. Now that you're leaving, give everything back to her." I died full of regret. I regret losing myself just to win their affection. So in this life, I refuse to fight. I let everyone have their perfect ending, while I finally chase a future that belongs to me.

Charles Jansen's true love returns to the country in my seventh year with him. The first post on her social media after she lands is an intimate photo of them together. She captions it, "I'm glad we've come full circle." Only then do I find out the ring hidden in the living room isn't for me. Charles' proposal isn't for me, either. Suddenly, I feel exhausted.

After I was reborn, when Blake's childhood sweetheart Catherine cut a lock of my hair during a party dare — again — I didn't do what I did in my past life. I didn't shear off all her hair in front of everyone and turn her into a bald wolf. I didn't lose control and storm into the Council of Elders when Blake defended her, threatening to sever our mate bond. Instead, I calmly removed the Luna's crown from my head and placed it on Catherine's. "The crown's hers now. Have fun with her." I put on my coat and walked out of the estate without looking back. It wasn't that I wanted to bow to Catherine. But in my past life, after I severed the bond with Blake, things went horribly wrong. He threw me into a cell made of pure silver, like I was some irredeemable criminal, and left me there while the metal scorched my skin day and night. When I finally escaped, I was poisoned by a witch from a rival pack. Dying from the pain, I abandoned every shred of my dignity and crawled to the doors of the Temple of the Moon Goddess, begging him to let the witch give me the antidote. He was kissing Catherine. He didn't even tell his guards to let me in. I died from the poison — one day before my father, the Alpha King, came to find me. I refused to meet that fate again. So I was done with Blake.

Following the success of her two novels, Cela receives an offer for the TV adaptation of her stories but a third story has to be written soon to complete a three-story special. She is not in to the project until she rediscovers the paper bearing the address of the meeting place of her supposed first date with Nate. Now that her mother is no longer around to interfere, she becomes inspired to reunite with him after many years and hopefully write the third novel based on their new story. Unfortunately, he is now about to get married in two months. Disappointed with the turn of events, she decides not to meet him again. She visits their old meeting place and finds it a good place to write but unexpectedly meets him there. They agree not to talk to each other if they meet there again but fate leads them to meet again under different circumstances leaving them no choice but to speak to each other. Suddenly, Nate’s fiancée starts acting weird and suggests that he spend the weekend with Cela while she is away. Although it confuses him, he figures that it is her way of helping him get closure. The two spend one Sunday reminiscing the past expecting a closure in the end but the wonderful moment they share this time only makes it harder to achieve that closure so Cela has to put a stop to it saying, “Please don't think even for a second that there is still something left or something new to explore after everything that happened or did not happen. This is not a novel. This is reality. We don't get sequels or spin-offs in real life. We just continue. We move forward and that's how we get to the ending."