Lily Fischer
Ever since the couples' account Sean Deaver and I run together has gone viral, my biggest dread has been filming our daily videos.
On camera, Sean and my best friend, Jodie Steele, act like the perfect couple. They're always over each other, while I'm not even allowed to show so much as a hand.
In the first year, Sean wipes the cream from the corner of Jodie's mouth, then pops his finger straight into his mouth.
When I confront him, he simply pinches my cheek and flashes me an indulgent smile.
"Aw, someone's jealous," he coos. "It's all for the cameras, babe. Don't make a big deal out of nothing."
The following year, Sean takes on a challenge to sneak ten kisses on his girlfriend while they eat without getting caught.
When I question him about it, he answers so smoothly that it's as though he's rehearsed his excuse in advance.
"Babe, this challenge is huge right now. It'll bring tons of traffic to our account."
This year, they've promised to finally set the record straight. But just as we are about to put an end to the charade, they sign on for a dating reality show.
When the host eggs them on to kiss, Sean leans down in front of everyone and plants a very real kiss on Jodie's lips.
Afterward, they come to comfort me.
"Sasha, it was all ed. Don't let it get to you."
I've always believed that getting married would finally put an end to this suffocating life.
But Sean hesitated.
"The show's getting great numbers now," he says, holding up his phone. "The producers want us to ride the hype and stage a fake wedding over the next few days. It'll make our account even bigger."
I look at the countdown I've been keeping track of. It was day 1,825.
I nod in silence, and Sean reaches out to ruffle my hair.
"I knew you'd understand. Once filming wraps, I'll marry you for real. I promise."
"Forget it," I say, simply brushing his hand away. "Sean, I'm done with you."