Nono's Candy
Queenie Gibbs had a habit of breaking down anything that couldn't be quantified into data, then scoring and evaluating it. Love was no exception.
She didn't want children, so I went and got a vasectomy without being asked. Plus five points.
When her mother, Charice Gibbs, was hospitalized, I put my entire life savings toward the medical bills. Plus two points.
In our third year together, I finally scored high enough to clear her bar for marriage.
I'd always believed that as the youngest top-tier data analyst in the country, she simply carried the rationality of her work into our relationship. It didn't mean she didn't love me.
Then, the day before our premarital checkup, a notification popped up on her phone.
[Subject B: Last night's physical data has been logged.]
I tapped it open and found a chart comparing two men.
Subject A was me: stability 97, lifestyle compatibility 95, physical attraction 88.
Subject B was Bill Hutley, the project consultant who had just joined her company. He scored lower than me on the first two, but his physical attraction was a 99.
Below the chart was a video file that had been left open.
It was only a dozen or so seconds long, and the footage shook badly. Queenie was pinned beneath him, panting in a way I had never heard before.
At the very bottom was one more line: [Recommend increasing intimacy samples.]
That night, I pushed the phone in front of her. "'Increase samples.' What does that mean?"
Queenie was silent for two seconds. "Exactly what you think it means."
"How many times did you sleep with him?"
"Seven."
She answered methodically, "The first time could have been a fluke, so I verified it six more times."
I laughed, but she frowned at me.
"You don't need to be bothered by this. In the current overall rankings, you're still number one. Our wedding isn't getting canceled, either."
She even explained earnestly, "Marriage is a lifelong decision. I'm just eliminating the margin of error before I get married."
In that moment, she was still calculating her margin of error, and I was already done being her sample.