Dirty Jokes For Him

"Gusto kong pag-isipan mo ang inaalok kong kasal sa 'yo. Hindi kita mamadaliin, pero hindi rin ako tatanggap ng sagot na hindi. Tandaan mo 'yan, Saskia. Una pa lang kitang nakita, alam ko sa sarili kong magiging akin ka pagdating ng araw. Malas lang ng nobyo mo at niloko ka lang niya sa kabila ng pagiging perpekto mong babae," sambit nito sa seryosong tinig. Isang estrangherong gwapong lalaki ang lumapit kay Saskia Magsaysay Santos sa kalagitnaan ng kanyang kalungkutan dulot ng pagtataksil sa kanya ng kaniyang long-time boyfriend na si Gerald at ng pinsan niyang si Vivian. Tinanggap niya ang alok ng lalaki ayon sa idinidikta ng kanyang puso't isipan. Ngunit paano kung matuklasan niyang ang lalaking pinakasalan niya, si Weston Buencamino Del Flores, ay tiyuhin pala ng kanyang ex-boyfriend? Mamahalin pa rin kaya niya si Weston, kahit na kadugo ito ng lalaking nanloko sa kanya? O isasantabi na lang ba niya ang lahat upang patuloy na mahalin ito?

In my previous life, my husband, Lucien Walker, tells me he wants to take care of his widowed sister-in-law, Lina Morgan, and take her as his second wife. After I refuse, Lina throws herself off a cliff while pregnant, killing both herself and the pups. As the Wolf King, Lucien chains me on a clifftop and lets vultures tear at my flesh day after day. He gouges out my eyes and snarls, "You lied about your fertility to trick me, then drove Lina and her unborn pups to their deaths! This is your punishment!" My son, Pierce Walker, whom I pour my life into raising, stabs me 9,999 times. "If Lina were my mother, I would be strong. This is all your fault!" They never know that without my gift for bearing children, Lucien has no heir at all. When I open my eyes again, I'm back on the day Lucien proposes taking Lina as his second wife.

On my son Theo’s birthday, my husband Dashiell brought home his first love, Sabrina. My son was forgotten, I was ignored, and my mother-in-law treated me like a servant. Dashiell, instead of comforting me, declared that because Sabrina was dying of cancer, he would fake a divorce and marry her to fulfill her dying wish. I could no longer endure it—I decided to turn the “fake divorce” into a real one. Dashiell thought he had everything under control, but he underestimated me…

On the morning of the day my fiance, Anton Solomon, and I are scheduled to start our destination wedding trip, he finally rushes to the airport straight from the office. Just seconds before boarding, he receives an urgent message from his female secretary, Callie Lawrence. "I'm sorry, honey. A major project just came in, and I need to be there to approve it. "Could you go ahead and start the trip on your own? I'll join you as soon as I wrap things up in a few days." Despite feeling a twinge of regret, I understand that work comes first, so I offer him my full support. After he leaves, I tear up my boarding pass and turn around. I decide to return to the office and see for myself. I want to see which blind, brainless company is negotiating a major project with a company I acquired hours earlier at dawn, and how it has the nerve to bypass me, the current CEO. They have chosen to approach a man who is nothing but a CEO in name only.

Falling in love for the first time should be the most amazing feeling in the world. For me, it was the exact opposite. See, the guy I fell in love with turned out to be a cheat. The best part, the real doozy? He cheated on me with my very own twin sister. The entire debacle left me with enough wounds, and knives in my back to last me a lifetime. I was convinced I’d never fall in love again. Ever. Until I ran into my past. Orlando was my first crush. My friend. But he’s not the Orlando I remember. He’s changed. Now he’s the silent, brooding type. The type I should avoid while nursing a broken heart. I know I shouldn’t risk it. I know I should keep my distance. But here’s the thing…I can’t.

Nagmadaling nagpahanap si Elijah Reigo ng babaeng papalit bilang bride sa kasal nila sa Isla nang biglang naglaho na parang bula ang kanyang kasintahan. Sakto namang na-stranded si Claudette Revista sa Isla matapos ang malakas na bagyo. Dinala siya ng mga tauhan ni Elijah sa isang rest house at pinilit na maging asawa ng isang mafia boss. Sa Isla na iyon, hindi basta basta ang buhay dahil kailangan sundin ni Claudette ang lahat ng utos kung gusto niyang mabuhay. Ang kalayaan? Nasa dulo ng panganib.

“Minsan, sa pinaka-wasak na puso, doon pa pumipili ang pagmamahal.” Akala ni Celeste ay siya na ang pakakasalan ng lalaking minahal niya ng buong puso. Pero sa harap mismo niya, ipinagpalit siya nito sa matalik niyang kaibigan. Masakit. Nakakahiya. Nakakawasak. She lost everything—her love, her trust, and herself. Pero sa gitna ng pagbagsak niya, isang lalaking hindi niya inaasahan ang dumating: Eliandro Velasquez—cold, mysterious, at isang powerful businessman na desperado ring maghanap ng mapapangasawa para sa isang kontratang kailangang masunod. Isang kasunduan. Isang papel. Isang fake marriage for 30 days. Walang puso. Walang damdamin. Walang commitments. Pero paano kung habang tumatagal, hindi na peke ang nararamdaman nila? Dahil minsan, kahit ang pusong akala mong hindi na para mahalin… May nakatakdang magmahal muli.

I always had a unique kind of mind-reading ability—I could hear the thoughts of people who didn't truly love me. On the night before my wedding, I suddenly heard my fiance's thoughts. 'If she shows up unexpectedly to disrupt the wedding tomorrow, will wearing leather shoes make it harder to escape?' I didn't say a word. The next day, without a second thought, I boarded a plane and left Chilia. In the end, that wedding, regarding a runaway bride and groom who never showed up, became the city's most infamous joke.

Everyone knows that I've been pursuing Ciara Hudson for several years now. For her sake, I reject a marriage alliance with the Langstons and invest ten billion dollars into saving the Hudsons from the brink of collapse. But on the night before our wedding, while attempting to appease her adopted brother, Carl Hudson, Ciara allows him to take her to bed, right in our marital home. After their steamy, sordid night together, Carl emerges from the bedroom dressed in my bathrobe, showing off the bite marks on his chest. Ciara simply brushes it off with a smile, saying that Carl was merely throwing a tantrum and that I shouldn't take it to heart. She even uses the marriage to threaten me, demanding that I give Carl a house and some of my company's shares to ensure he never wants for anything in life. She even says she'll make sure my family's lineage ends with me, all for Carl's sake. The disgruntled Carl runs off with my car and even crashes into me on purpose. Even as I slump on the ground, covered in injuries, Ciara runs straight to Carl, who has nothing more than a few scratches, without sparing me so much as a glance. As I lie on the hospital bed, my head finally clears. It occurs to me that my sacrifices have moved no one but myself, and how pointless it'll be to persist in them. I call up Serena Langston, my business rival, and tell her I'll go through with the proposed marriage alliance between our families. Since Ciara has betrayed me, I don't want her anymore.

I had been married to Derek for six years, and we had a three-year-old son. He was poor, earning only $2,000 a month, but I had no complaints; I took care of everything at home for him. After getting dinner on the table for the whole family, I finally had a minute to check my phone. A video popped up on my feed: a twenty-two-year-old girl from a rural area whose hands, roughened by years of hard labor, looked like they belonged to a sixty-two-year-old woman. I looked down at my own hands, just as worn and scarred, and stared at them blankly before tapping into the comments. I expected people to feel bad for her. However, to my surprise, the comments section was flooded with a single sentiment: "Why would anyone marry a penniless loser?" One of the top-liked comments came from a couple; in their photo, they were pictured holding hands—fingers tightly intertwined—with the girl sporting a massive diamond ring. The accompanying caption read: "A man who truly loves you would never bear to let you suffer." I felt a pang of envy. Given the choice, who wouldn't want a glamorous life? As I was about to close the app, I accidentally tapped on the couple's photo, enlarging it. In the background, previously too blurry to make out, was a face I recognized. It looked exactly like my husband, Derek Sterling. I froze, and almost against my will, I tapped into the account's profile. Post after post of lavish photos of them together flooded my screen. And then I saw him clearly. The scar above his brow, the one he got when a shelf fell on him while protecting me, was still plainly visible. It was my husband. It was Derek.