The Baby Trap Backfired
To help my wife, Mia Lowell, through labor, I blew a fortune on the latest paternity-linked pain transfer device.
Right before she went into the delivery room, Mia grabbed my hand. Tears streamed down her face.
"Honey, if it gets too painful, turn it off. I can't stand watching you suffer."
A nurse gave me one last reminder.
"Sir, the device automatically transfers the pain to the baby's biological father through DNA matching. Please be prepared."
The device switched on.
I felt nothing.
Not a twinge.
Just as I started wondering if I'd gotten scammed, a scream ripped through the hallway.
Ryan Duffy.
My best friend dropped to the floor, clutching his stomach.
"Aaaagh!"
A second later, my boss Andy Drake, who'd stopped by with a fruit basket, staggered out of the elevator with both hands between his legs.
Then came Luke Foley, a yoga coach seeing a doctor across the hall.
He was flat-out rolling on the floor, howling.
Inside the delivery room, Mia's weak voice drifted out.
"Honey, thank you for taking all this pain for me!"
I looked at the three guys writhing in agony.
Then I quietly turned the device all the way up.
Max load.
Holding my breath, I shouted toward the delivery room.
"I-I'm fine. I can still... take it."