Fucked Up Jokes

How do you fall in love with an ex-convict? A murderer? How do you fall-in-love with your future husband’s father? How do you allow him, take your virginity on the walls of a prison cell? And how you screamed and moaned as he fucked you senselessly against the prison wall? How can you forgive the man that placed you behind bars? How can you forgive the man who rejected you and ruined your entire life? Amanda Weller is getting married to the man of her dreams. That was the plan, Marcus law was the man she loved, and dated for seven years. He was a successful attorney and her father approved of him. His parents had died a long time ago, by a robbery gone wrong .she knew absolutely nothing about his family. So imagine her surprise: when she gets a letter from her Soon to be father-in law, “Cyrus law”. A man that was supposed to be dead. She is big on family and her curiosity got the best of her. It was simple: meet your father-in law behind your fiancé’s back and surprise him at the wedding. A pleasure filled night of mind blowing sex in a prison cell wasn’t part of the family reunion. Neither was falling in love and being locked in prison by the man you gave everything. Cyrus law wasn’t the type to put his pants down and fuck a girl young enough to be his daughter,against a prison wall.She was supposed to be nothing but a weapon against his son. He was out for one thing only, revenge on his conniving son. But it may just have cost him the woman he loves.

"You f*cking recorded me Drego?!" I stood naked, my hands shivering as I stared at the little camera in my hands, still beeping. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Aggravated, I slammed the camera to the ground, shattering it into pieces. "I trusted you! I let you in." My voice crackled. "So all these were your plans right? To fuck and film me?!" "Elena, listen… pls hear me out…" he tried to explain. "GET OUT!" I yelled. He grabbed my arm, but I backed away immediately. "I never want to see you again. You’re sick, and need help!!!" *** Hi, I’m Elena Stone, and my life is a mess. My father forced me into marrying a stranger to save his company from bankruptcy. Two weeks after signing five years of my life away to be married to David Knights, I discovered he had an identical twin, Drego. One night Drego disguised as David, fucked me, the best sex I had ever had all my life. Not only did he fuck me, he filmed me. What started as a mistake turns into an obsession. Drego is reckless, dangerous, and devastatingly good in bed— the kind of man who ruins you and leaves you begging for more. I tried to bury this secret, but everything crumbled when I learned that Drego is already entangled with Cindy, my high school best friend. And yes, Cindy barged into me and him on one of those unplanned lustful nights, and she had sworn to ruin me. Trust me, she’s not one to mince words. With my dignity and sanity at stake, I’m fixed on saving my marriage with David, letting go of my obsession with Drego, and rekindling my friendship with Cindy. Will any of these be possible? Find out!

Warning! Explicit content! I smelt something different the moment I stepped foot in my room. It was dark and I couldn't see a thing, but something smelt different. I moved my hand to the wall, turning on the light switch. The entire place became bright immediately, and that was the moment my nightmare began, the moment my life changed forever. Electrifying shock tingled through me as I found a strange figure, seated in the middle of the room. My blood ran cold instantly. My legs tottered and my lungs stopped pumping air. His presence froze me at once, or was it his eyes that were as cold and dark as shadows carved in stones? They stared so coldly at me, cloaked in an eerie stillness that sent shivers down my spine. I had never seen a picture of the devil before. But this guy in front me looked like someone who must be very close to him. **** He had been stalking her for three days. He knew where she worked, where she lived and the dumb people she visited. She didn't have much friends, just a bunch of nuns who appeared in fúcking white garments. She smiled so brightly like she was the purest soul on earth. She acted so naive like she's never been fucked before. It didn't matter how much she pretended, how much she tried to hide her identity. She was his next target and he'd be treating her like one. He didn't become the King of the night for no reason; the renowned torturer. He'd torture her like he did to others, get the information he needed and put a sweet bullet in her head. She was not getting off his list.

After Noah's death, what greeted him was an AI system calling itself Black, offering him a job working for the World and Soul Management Bureau.  He has to travel to many different worlds, taking over an identity of some unfortunate soon-to-be-dead dude, and live out the remainder of his new life there however he wanted. Easy-peasy! ...Right? ...Ok, sure, there are a few small kinks here and there... like terrorist attacks, murder plots, zombie apocalypses, and the like... but one should always look at the bright side! Noah: "...Blackie, is it just me, or is this good brother of mine looking at me like a hungry wolf seeing a juicy piece of meat?" (°△°|||) Black: "Don't worry, host. He is just a bit excited due to nearly losing his life back there. You know, adrenaline." (¬‿¬) Noah: "…are you sure that's what's really going on here?" (っ °Д °;)っ Black: "Absolutely!" (≖‿≖) … ~ Many worlds later ~ Noah: "This secret mission that you can't tell me about… it can't possibly be to get fucked by the least appropriate target?!" (°ㅂ°╬) Black: "Of-of course not! Ho-how could that possibly be, eh?" (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪ ML: Right, right, that's just a very (not so) coincidental bonus. Ψ(╹ڡ╹ )Ψ 💠 Author Note 💠 * SSC has long arcs. Each world is a fully-fledged novel on its own. * Don't let the summary (or the cover) fool you! While SSC does have an occasional explicit smut, it is primarily a fluffy and hilarious romance! * Pairings are one-on-one and taboo-ish. (E.g. hired assassin and his target, monster tamer and his tamed beast, master and disciple, siblings, brothers-in-law, etc.) * More info in the info chapter Author website: lucypandora.com Support the author on ko-fi: ko-fi.com/lucypandora Discord: lucypandora.com/discord

My Alpha mate nearly lost his life during a vicious rogue wolf attack. It was his assistant Scarlett who threw herself forward and took the silver blade meant for him, saving his life. But because of the silver poisoning, Scarlett's wolf fell into a feral rage state. The pack witch said she would need to mate with an Alpha every full moon to survive. Out of gratitude, my mate fucked her every full moon and my wolf would suffer greatly from the perceived betrayal of my mate. He knelt before me, tears streaming down his face, his whole body trembling. "Evelyn, she saved my life! I can't just watch her die!" After each full moon, he would give me a million dollars as compensation. And every time Scarlett miscarried, he would bring me the finest healing herbs to ease the pain I felt through our mate bond from his betrayal. In just one year, my bank account grew astronomically. I became the bank's most valued client. Until this time, when he disappeared with Scarlett for three months. When he returned, he dropped to his knees and grabbed my hands, pleading desperately. "Evelyn, if she miscarries again, she'll die! I... I can't let my savior perish!" "I'll claim the child as yours and cut all ties with her. Please, just let this child be born, okay?" My eyes instantly filled with tears. I fought hard to keep them from falling. "Fine." If that's how it is, then the pup I traded my life force to the witch for... I'll get rid of it.

My body was limp, trembling, barely able to breathe but André was relentless. He kissed me like he hadn’t just wrecked me, like he hadn’t already made me come so hard I saw white. His tongue slid into my mouth with hunger, claiming me the same way his cock did without permission, without pause. Still inside me, still hard, still pulsing. “Look at you,” he murmured against my lips, his thumb stroking my jaw. “All fucked out and we’re just getting started.” “I… I can’t,” I breathed. “Yes, you can,” he growled, pulling out just enough to slam back in. “You will. Because you’re mine. Because this pussy,” he reached down and slapped it wet, swollen, sensitive drawing a shocked gasp from me, “belongs to me.” The sting mixed with pleasure and made my thighs shake. I should’ve said no. I should’ve begged him to stop. But I didn’t. I couldn't. Because every time he spoke like that, every time he manhandled me like I was something to be owned, I melted for him. ........ She’s spent her life trying to be the perfect daughter, craving nothing more than the love her cold, unkind mother refuses to give. Her only source of happiness is her brother, the one light in her dark world. But everything changes when she crosses paths with Alpha Andre.Powerful, ruthless, hand deeply possessive, Alpha Andre has watched her from the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to claim her. When the opportunity finally presents itself, he doesn’t hesitate. And from that moment on, her life is never the same.

Eighty-five filthy stories. Eighty-five ways to fuck you raw. This isn’t romance. This is 100% sex—cocks filling dripping pussies, tongues licking where they shouldn’t, and hands pinning you down until you’re begging for release. A thousand sins running in your veins, and not one you’ll regret. From priests breaking their vows to fuck you on the altar, to stepfathers spreading you open on the kitchen counter…You’ll taste the sweat of a gym instructor’s private session… making you moan with every “stretch,” to professors grading your obedience with their cock deep in your throat—this collection will leave you soaked, shaking, and ruined. Your landlord will make you pay rent in the filthiest ways imaginable. You’ll be sold to the highest bidder at a dark, private auction, stripped and displayed like a prize to be claimed. Doctors will have you naked on their table, touching you in ways that have nothing to do with medicine, while gynecologists spread you wide and push deep, “examining” you until you’re dripping down their gloves. These virgins will get their bellies pumped full of cum, fingers ripping through tight, wet walls until they’re screaming, crying, and begging for more. Rough punishments, public fucks, forbidden touches, and nights so dirty you’ll need to shower twice—only to touch yourself all over again. Get your towels. Get your tissues. Get ready to be fucked by every fantasy you’ve ever had… and a hundred you didn’t know you wanted. If you can’t handle raw, filthy, dripping-hot sex—close the book. If you want your pussy aching, your ass red, and your mind corrupted—welcome to your new favorite addiction.

NOT FOR READERS UNDER THE AGE OF 16. "As if." I scoffed looking around, my eyes was starting to hurt from how much sex I'm seeing. My jaw almost dropped at what those douchebags are doing over there. "Light, camera, action!!" the producer said and I shook my head in disbelief, three omegas were on top of a pack member I recognize all too well, he's one of Adams' friends, they were having a foursome in front of so many people, and the camera, are they going to sell or upload the video? "Neither, they are going to send it to the pack members who want it," Charlie replied to my unsaid question looking at me warily. "What a very amazing pack this is," I said sarcastically. "Well, she's all yours. This is where you belong," he threw a smirk in my direction and I rolled my eyes at him "show her around and make her feel at home." Jack beamed shaking her ass once again. "Make sure you stop by again." Charlie said biting her index finger and I started at her in disgust. "Follow me." She instructed leading the way and swaying her hips from side to side shaking her ass, her butt was jiggling so much I was concerned if it would fall off, I wonder how many men have fucked and touched her. "Exactly one hundred and twenty-three men." She replied nonchalantly and my jaw dropped. “This is your life now!” She smirked throwing her head back to look at me, a let out sarcastic laughter knowing fully well I'd rather die!! The day I get my full strength back, that day, I will make Alpha Mayers pay with his life.

"Cum now, princess." Zeke ordered as he flicked open the lock on the cock cage around Eli's cock and his body convulsed as the long-denied orgasm tore through him. --------- ‎“I need you to—fuck—I need you to hurt me.” ‎There. The silence came. Not shameful. Not violent. Just truth. ‎Zeke ripped the shirt from Eli’s back. calculated. His belt snapped once. Eli flinched, eyes wild. ‎“You don't get color,” Zeke said flatly. “You say red, I won't stop. And until I'm sure you're tamed, I don’t care if you beg. You wanted to feel something? You’re going to feel everything.” ‎The first crack of the belt made Eli jolt. The second had him gasping. ‎By the fifth, he was moaning. ‎By the seventh, he whispered Zeke’s name like a prayer. ------ Two lovers. Then three. Eventually four. A relationship built on dominance, obsession, and unrestrained desire. ‎No contracts. No safe words. No rules—just raw, brutal fucking. A war of ownership. A battle for control. A dangerous game that turns a dominant into a trembling switch under the right hands. ‎ ‎What happens when a dominant with a submissive lover becomes the fixation of another dominant—one with darkness in his veins and sadism in his smile? ‎ ‎What happens when the confident, untouchable dom unravels, his hidden masochism dragged to the surface by the only man ruthless enough to tame him? ‎ ‎What happens when a discarded, shame-soaked nymph, branded an abomination by her family, falls into the hands of three lovers who have no intention of letting her go—who will worship, ruin her, and show her that her hunger isn't sin... it's survival? A twisted journey of control, obsession, and raw desire—unfolding across three sinful tales: Loved in the Dark. Fucked into Obedience. Seduction and Sin.

His mouth dropped to my neck, luscious lips skimming down until he licked the wound in my shoulder. His mark. I shivered out of raw desire. "The Alphas are outside this door. You're keeping them waiting." My voice sounded more like a moan. "They can wait." He stared at me through his long lashes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "You're liking this, aren't you?" He pulled my waist to him till I felt every ridge of his hard, strong body. His stiff rod dug into my back. "Feel that?" he pushed me closer, "Ever fucked a full-spirited Lycan on a full moon?" He mumbled into my ear and let out a chuckle that made my nipples tighten to pebbles against the soft fabric of my robe. "Right now, I will stretch you to your limits, trap my cum inside of you, while your sweet little cunt milks me again and again and again." "And you will forget everything except my name because you'll be screaming it loud enough to wake the dead." "By the time I slip out of you, you're going to be full with my seed, drenched in my scent, and want nothing more than for me to bend you over and fuck you till you can no longer walk." I turned to him, my clit throbbing, "Please." I whispered. *** Freya Spencer watched her mother die at the hands of both her father and a witch who pretended to be her mother's best friend. She was also the witch that cursed the Lycan king. Alpha Zane is the dark Lycan king of Adivaine who Freya was gambled off to. He needs to find his reborn mate to break his curse or lose his throne. What happens when he discovers that Freya is his mate?