Fucked Up Jokes

“Get the fuck away from her!” Owen shouted his voice heavy with desperation. “She is my Luna.” “No, Alpha.” Damon replied. “She’s mine.” *** Omega Callie always lived a quiet and humble life, with her fantasies of finding a mate one day. When the day finally came, her mate turned out to be none other than the Alpha of her park. Sadly, she was rejected and hurt. Her fate was sealed until Lycan Damon had a reason to visit her park. But with every blessing, comes a curse. Will Callie accept her new life regardless of the circumstances? Would she finally get her revenge? Explore a tale of romance, suspense, treachery, and love. The fascinating novel ‘Prophecy of the Lycan Queen will have you reading until the very last page.

Untuk menyembuhkan depresi si putri kaya palsu, kekasih masa kecilku yang pernah bersumpah hanya akan menikah denganku, Darryl, diam-diam pergi mendaftarkan pernikahan dengannya. Di belakangnya, aku menyetujui perjodohan keluargaku. Aku menikah dengan pewaris keluarga konglomerat di ibu kota, Vincent, yang diam-diam telah mencintaiku selama bertahun-tahun. Setelah tujuh tahun menikah, dia memanjakanku sepenuh hati. Malam demi malam dia selalu menuntut kemesraan dariku. Bahkan jika aku menginginkan bintang di langit, dia tetap akan berusaha mengambilkannya untukku. Aku sempat mengira, akhirnya aku telah menemukan kebahagiaan. Hingga suatu kali setelah bercinta, aku tidak sengaja mendengar percakapan Vincent dengan sahabatnya. "Avril sudah jadi aktris internasional peraih penghargaan. Kapan kamu mau pisah sama Ariel?" "Toh sama saja harus nikah sama orang yang nggak kucintai, jadi mau sama siapa pun itu nggak ada bedanya. Lagi pula, aku harus jaga Ariel agar dia nggak mengganggu kebahagiaan yang didapatkan Avril dengan susah payah." Aku membuka komputer di ruang kerjanya. Di dalam sebuah folder tersembunyi, tersimpan ratusan ribu foto Avril dan seratus surat cinta yang tak pernah dia kirimkan. Setidak percaya apa pun pada kenyataan, saat ini aku benar-benar sudah harus sadar. Aku membeli sebuah tubuh plastik, lalu merancang sebuah kebakaran besar. Mulai saat ini, entah di langit atau di neraka, aku tak akan pernah bertemu dengannya lagi.

Setelah terlahir kembali, aku memutuskan untuk tidak terobsesi pada teman sejak kecilku, Jacky Halim. Di pesta ulang tahunnya, dia memasang plakat di pintu masuk. Dia menulis namaku di samping logo anjing, dilarang masuk. Jadi, aku sengaja pergi ke Hawai untuk menghindar jauh-jauh darinya. Dia bilang mual dan jijik saat mencium bauku di rumah, jadi aku pun memilih pindah rumah dengan patuh. Setelah itu, dia bilang setelah tamat nanti, dia tidak ingin menghirup udara kota yang sama denganku. Jadi aku cepat-cepat angkat kaki pergi dan tidak pernah kembali lagi. Terakhir, dia bilang keberadaanku gampang membuat wanita idamannya salah paham. Aku menggangguk kepala. Tak lama kemudian, aku pun menemukan pria lain dan mengumumkan hubungan kami. Di kehidupan kali ini, aku selalu membuat keputusan yang berbeda dengan kehidupan sebelumnya. Semua ini hanya karena di kehidupan yang sebelumnya, saat impianku menikah dengan Jacky terwujud, wanita idaman Jacky bunuh diri dengan loncat dari tebing. Dia menuduhku sebagai dalang pembunuhnya. Dia pun mulai menyiksaku, sampai akhirnya aku mati dan mayatku menjadi santapan ikan. Di kehidupan kali ini, aku hanya ingin hidup tenang. Kemudian, saat aku merangkul tangan pacar baruku. Jacky malah mengadang di tengah jalan dengan mata merah padam. “Vivi, kalau kamu ikut denganku sekarang, aku akan memaafkan semua lelucon yang kamu buat.”

Tepat pada peringatan sepuluh tahun pernikahan kami, juga bertepatan dengan ulang tahun kesepuluh anakku, aku sudah menyiapkan rencana sejak sebulan sebelumnya. Aku merencanakan perjalanan wisata keluarga bersama suami dan anakku. Namun, menjelang hari keberangkatan, ayah dan anak itu justru menghilang begitu saja. Tinggal aku seorang diri berdiri di jalanan yang diguyur hujan deras, menelepon mereka berulang kali. Di seberang sana, terdengar suara anakku yang masih kekanak-kanakan, dingin dan tak sabar. "Papa lagi temani Tante Brittany makan, kami nggak mau pergi lagi." Telepon itu ditutup dan aku langsung diblokir. Ayah dan anak itu sengaja mengunciku di luar rumah, membuatku kedinginan semalaman penuh. Ditambah dengan hujan deras semalam, malam itu juga aku demam tinggi hingga menderita pneumonia. Sementara ayah dan anak itu justru sibuk berlibur bersama Brittany, bahkan mengambil foto liburan keluarga. Kali ini, aku tahu bahwa pernikahan ini benar-benar telah sampai di ujung jalan.

“I’m wet for you, King Nightbane. I’m soaked.” I growled. Not from pain but from the effect of her words. Her touch. Her relentless stokes. She didn’t need to tell me. I could smell her. She filled the room with her intoxicating arousal. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be fucked all night like a dirty slut.” “To have my hand wrapped around your phallus like a possession.” “To have it… buried in me.” “To have your tongue worship every inch of my body.” FELYNDRA She was a normal girl living in her small village pack. When she turned eighteen, she discovered a new side of herself: a beast who would roam every crescent moon to kill the unjust. When a bounty was placed on her, she was suddenly sold by her parents to be a breeder for the cruel alpha king. Why her? Why not her sister? They said she was wolfless. They look at her and see a wolfless girl but if only they knew she was no wolf. She was something more sinister: a Crescent Fox. She accepted her fate, hoping to leave after giving the king a son. NIGHTBANE VOIDHEART He is the infamous cruel alpha king. His reputation precedes him. He believes his mate doesn’t exist, as he has traveled every corner of the world in search of her. When the breeder showed up, everything changed. She was just a breeder, a secret to be kept from the woman he was engaged to. And yet , she consumed him. The ache in his teeth, the raw hunger in his veins - she drove him insane. He wanted her. To taste her blood but why did the shadows whisper that if he did, it would be the end of them?

In my last life, I loved my brother’s best friend longer than I loved myself. I was the princess of the De Luca family, a New York political dynasty. A good girl, through and through. He was Orion Corvo. The king of Chicago's underworld. A ruthless, brutal man. No one thought we belonged together. I never dared to confess. Not until I was kidnapped. That cold-blooded, savage Don took a bullet for me. He shielded me with his body as I bled out. We died together. Only then, seeing the desperation in his eyes, did I understand. He loved me too. Now, I'm back. 18 again. I ditched my life in Europe to stay by his side. For five years, I was his most trusted art appraiser. In private, he’d lose himself inside me. He fucked me like he wanted to own my soul. I became his favorite fuck. His biggest secret. But now, he’s getting married. And the bride isn't me.

The plan was simple: move in with my mom, play the dutiful daughter, and count down the days until I could escape back to my real life. I didn’t expect my first night out to end in the parking lot being fucked by a silver fox who looked at me like I was his favorite sin. I thought it was a one-night mistake. A filthy, beautiful secret I’d take to my grave. Until the next morning, when I met my mom’s new husband... and he was him. Now, every family breakfast is a slow-motion panic attack. Every glance across the dinner table is a reminder of his hands on my skin. I can’t tell my mom the truth, but the deeper I sink into the Schmidt estate, the darker the truth becomes. Because in this house, there are no rules. There is no "mine" or "yours." There is only ours. I thought I was falling for a man. I didn’t realize I was being claimed by a bloodline. It turns out I don’t have a husband... I have masters. And they aren't finished sharing.

Cora Watson held onto her husband’s promise from three years ago and did whatever she could to please him. She loved him dearly even if he, himself forgot about his promise and shattered her heart, ruthlessly. Now, she’s had enough! She would get divorced from him and would never let him or anyone trample over her ever again! *** I watched as she bent her head and kissed his lips while gyrating her hips at the same time. She seemed to be on cloud nine as she rode him faster and harder. My breath was stuck in my throat. Though I could only see his side view I couldn’t miss the shirt on his body. He was still clad in a shirt though the lower half of his body was exposed. It was a shirt I had specially picked for my husband this morning. A custom-made shirt that I had gotten for him on his last birthday and he was currently on it while being fucked by another woman.

Nova and Theodore's intense relationship was one that was filled with love and ended in pain when she watched him get married to another woman a day after she gave him her virginity. However, life seems to be directing Nova back to Theodore when he unknowingly hires her to be the nanny of his sweet pair of twins, Emile and Ethan. Stuck living under the same roof with the man who fucked up her life, Nova can't wait for the day when she would have earned enough to buy her dream music studio and disappear from his life again. But that plan proves to be more difficult than expected because she falls in love with the kids. Or maybe it's because she can't control her body whenever she gets close to her new boss…. Theodore is a cold-hearted and ruthless CEO, especially after he loses his wife in a car accident. The only ones who get to see him vulnerable are his twins, who he loves more than life itself. He loves his twins so much that when they choose Nova, his hot and sexy ex-girlfriend, as their nanny, Theodore is only happy to oblige their request. As they slowly reignite their feelings for one another, obstacles from their families and Theodore's business arise but what is more damaging are the secrets both of them hide in the darkness that begin to come to light. What will happen when Theodore finds out Nova's connection to his wife's death? How will Nova deal with loving the man behind most of her misfortune? No matter how much Nova and Theodore try to ignore themselves and focus on caring for Emile and Ethan, the connection between them proves too strong. And so does the sexual tension.

Trigger Warnings This book contains sexual harassment, bullying and trauma. …………………………………….. "Sir what are you doing?" I tried to wiggle myself out of the situation but his hold on me tightened. "Don't act like you don't know what I am doing, you were asking for it." He swiftly turned me over, lifting me up like a bag of chips and placed me on the table. "Mr Reginald please stop, I don't want this." I tried my best to push him off, my hands pressed to his chest. "Stop acting like you don't want me, I know you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be flirting with me." "I wasn't flirting with you sir, I came to your office because you sent for me, all I wanted to do is sign the form and leave." I explained desperately while trying to free myself from him. "Coming to see me dressed like this, aren't you just looking to get fucked?" His hands grabbed my almost bare ass. …….. Aiden was an ordinary human who was living life as it was until one day his life changed and he was invited into Aetherhold Academy for powerful people. Being the only human in a school full with supernatural beings made life a little bit hard, however he had his three protectors fighting for him. What happens when Aiden finds out that he wasn’t a human, he was a powerful Omega who could get pregnant and the reason why he has been constantly harassed was because he has been releasing a powerful mating pheromone? What happens when his three powerful Alpha protectors take a liking to him?