Funniest Zodiac Signs

"There's a foreign object lodged in the patient's lower region. Due to the unique circumstances, we need the patient's next of kin to sign the consent form for an extraction procedure." My body stiffens when I see the name on the consent form. "I'm Renee Becker's next of kin." It's Liam Cassidy who says that. He's the first love of my wife, Renee Becker, who has been away for a month, claiming she's off on a business trip. Liam doesn't recognize me. He takes the pen and signs the consent form. In the section to mark his relationship to the patient, he writes the word "husband". After passing the pen back to me, he grips my hand tightly and beseeches me, "Doctor, you must do everything you can to help her. She's carrying my baby." As I wrench my hand back from him, my wedding ring slips off and falls onto the floor.

Harper Thomas loves bad dates. She goes on hundreds of them a year, and then blogs about them online to make her living. When her sister signs her up for a new dating service, Harper's not expecting to find anything other more than ridiculous men. She certainly isn't planning to meet him... Gabe Honors is one of the billionaire owners of Kindling Dating. He also happens to be Miami's most eligible bachelor, but his search for love has never been successful. That is, until he decided to use his own dating service. The first time he meets Harper, he knew that she was the one. However, in order to make sure that it really was love, he kept his identity a secret. He soon finds out, secrets never mix well with love... Can a billionaire CEO finally stump this bad-date-blogger? Can Harper look past the money and find the man? Or will they only be left with memories of their island kisses?

“Marry me… or your family dies.” To save her father’s life, Rachel Owens signs the one contract no woman survives: becoming the wife of Damien Montrel, the city’s most feared mafia king. His rules are simple: Obey. Stay inside. Don’t ask questions. But behind the mansion’s locked doors, Rachel discovers a softer truth meant to stay hidden— Leo. A small boy who calls her “Mama,” and the only weakness Damien has ever had. Damien is ruthless to his enemies and merciless to traitors… yet for Rachel, his control begins to crack. Her kindness disarms him. Her silence wounds him. Her fear destroys him. Just as they begin to trust each other, a new enemy rises — The Raven, a shadow who knows Damien’s secrets, his past… and Rachel’s value. War is coming. In a world ruled by blood and vengeance, Rachel must decide: Is the real danger the man she married… or the one coming for them both?

WARNING ️ 18+ This is a werewolf dark romance with suspense, crime and smut. Yesterday was a fairytale. The next day, a nightmare. A night before my mating ceremony and crowning as the Luna of the Balthazar Clan, due to my father's early retirement, I woke up, in my parent's room, bathed in blood, a dagger in my hand. In front of me, was my parents dead bodies. I had killed my own parents. An incident I had no memory of. As punishment, My luna wolf was binded in ink with a curse and I was reduced to nothing but a mere palace slave. Right before my eyes, Arlene became Luna of Balthazar. My mate, Robert, Beta of Balthazar rejected me and mated with Arlene, together they became the Crown of Balthazar. Things couldn't go worse, right? Moons later, when Balthazar clan experiences years of famine and drought, Arlene signs a contract with the cursed wolf of the regions, the cursed Alpha Gohan of the Hillsboro clan. I was sold to the cursed Alpha as a sex slave in exchange of supply of crops.

They call it Area Alpha 101. It doesn’t appear on the world map or the satellites, but it’s rumoured to be there. It’s unofficially the largest continent on Earth, but the humans aren’t educated on it. Only the top shots in the governments and monarchies know about it, but have kept it a secret from everyone else. No-one answers questions regarding it. People have been quoted saying that they tried to get in, but they only hit a barrier. This barrier is said to be invisible, yet you can’t see what’s on the other side. For centuries, no-one has been able to get past the barrier, and those who try, come away ‘bewitched’, or so it has been reported. You know what the funny part about this is? There are literally signs that say “NO HUMANS ALLOWED” just a distance away from the ‘barrier’. You can imagine the insane theories that the human civilization has come up with in regards to what they imagine could be behind the barrier. The biggest guess as you yourself would probably guess is aliens; but that’s just it – NO-ONE knows what’s behind the barrier. Except me that is. Or so I thought.

“I am not capable of love, Desiree. Do you still want to marry me?” That was the question Gerald Butler asked Desiree Hamilton the day she asked him to marry her. “Yes," Desiree answered, convinced that she could eventually get him to fall in love with her. But one year later, she meets her greatest disappointment on their wedding anniversary which also happens to be her birthday; the only gift Gerald brings her is divorce papers. Devastated and tired of begging for his love, Desiree signs the papers and leaves. Three years later, she returns a strong and confident businesswoman who will not beg for any man's love, but this time, it was her ex-husband's turn to beg. He went down on his knees, looking up at her pleadingly. “Desiree, please let's get married again. I promise to love you this time.” She looked down at him as a smirk formed on her face. “Dear Ex-husband, You Had Your Chance!”

I went to exactly one party in my new, wealthy neighborhood. Then my neighbor Brenda sued me. In court, she held her bruised and battered daughter, Tiffany. She accused my son of rape. Mid-hearing, Tiffany tugged her collar down. Red marks circled her neck. "He tried to rip my pants off," she sobbed. "He tried to force himself on me. I fought back. So he beat me. He ruined my face!" Outside the courthouse, protesters held up signs, calling my son a piece of trash, a spoiled rich kid. Online, a photoshopped memorial of me went viral. The caption read: The unfit mother should die with her son. My company’s stock plummeted. But I just sat there. Stone-faced. I asked for my son, Cooper, to be brought in. The courtroom doors opened. Cooper walked in. Everyone froze.

“I don’t think you realize it, but I’m not that kind of girl.”He thought he owned me, but there was no way I would let him see me break.“I bought you… remember?” He replied, the corners of his lips turning up into a smirk.“No, you bought my virginity.”Laughter erupted as his sinister gaze swept over my body. “Isn’t that the same thing?”***Lyla, a university student, falls into financial troubles when returning back to school. In a rush of desperation–and a drunken haze– she signs up to a Sugar babies site in hopes to sell her virginity to the highest bidder. The only problem is when Lyla returns to her senses, she realizes not only was she sold to just any man, she was sold to the Prince of Dubai. A prince with secrets and a hunger for all things dark and dangerous. Will she be able to resist his dark advances? Sold to the Prince of Dubai is created by Scarlett Rossi, an eGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.

“Be my woman and warm my bed,” he said, with a smirk. "And you must follow the terms." The terms: no pregnancy, always remind him to use protection, constant permission for even the simplest things—even visits to her sick mom—and never denying him intimacy. Sophie Thompson should have walked away. She should have told him where to shove his suffocating terms. But when her mother’s life hangs in the balance, Sophie signs away her freedom to the masked billionaire whose kiss feels like sin and whose touch makes her tremble. She thought it would be just a deal. She thought she could survive his world of wealth and power. She was wrong. Because Julian has secrets buried in darkness, an ex-fiancée who wants him back, and a past that could destroy them both. And when Sophie breaks the one rule she never meant to—falling for him—she’ll learn the deadly truth that hides behind the billionaire’s mask. #1

Mirabel Thomas, the wife of Jerry Thomas, has never known what a happy marriage looks like. To the world, Jerry is the best husband, but inside the house, he is a monster. He and his mother maltreat her and treat her like a maid. She believes that one day, he will change and finally love and accept her. On their 7th anniversary, Mirabel catches him kissing his ex-girlfriend, Jessica, during their anniversary party. Mirabel is devastated but tries to hold it together for their daughter Beatrice. The next morning, Jerry serves her divorce papers, leaving her heart broken. She begs him not to leave her, but he refuses. She eventually signs the divorce papers and leaves without her daughter, but she promises her that she will come back for her. Mirabel disappears for 3years and comes back a different person—Madam Gold. She is now a wealthy businesswoman, one of the richest women in the country. Now she is back not just for her daughter, but for revenge. But how far is she willing to go just to get her revenge, and can love soften her hardened heart?