Funny Jokes For Adults Clean

On the day of my seventh wedding anniversary, my husband's lover gave my son a pet cat. My pregnancy made me allergic to cat fur, and rashes appeared all over my body. Sensing that it might lead to a miscarriage, I told my son to return the cat. "I'm keeping it!" my five-year-old son, Zachary, protested. He pushed me and said, "I hate having you as my mom! I want Aunt Lynn to be my mom!" My husband, Quinton Locke, tore into me. "Why did you have to develop an allergy now, out of all times? Is your jealousy blinding you to the point where you won't even consider your son 's feelings? You're being unreasonable!" He carried Zachary up and left with the cat. They had eschewed me in favor of Lynn Shelbert, Quinton's lover and the 'apple of his eye'. I collapsed on the ground, watching as blood began to soak my pants. At that moment, I knew I had suffered a miscarriage. I felt an unimaginable pain while I was in the hospital. My husband and son went traveling with Lynn, resembling a happy family of three. Lynn sent me a message. [Do you know why Quinton married you even though he's hopelessly in love with me? Well, I wanted a son and a daughter, but I didn't want to bear the risks that come with pregnancy. It's a shame you had a miscarriage.] Despair engulfed me that very instant. I hired a lawyer to prepare the divorce papers and took a flight back to my hometown. My sole wish was to never see Quinton and Zachary again.

Five years after we broke up, my ex-fiancé Bruce, yes the mafia one, suddenly called me out of the blue to announce our wedding date. I was speechless. Shocked, I blurted out, "Wait… didn't we break up five years ago?" He replied with his usual arrogance, "Break up? I never agreed to that. You left in a fit of anger. "And let me guess. You came back to the country only because you heard I was getting married. Out of jealousy, hoping to reclaim our engagement?" He even had the nerve to tell me to be magnanimous and accept Bella, the so-called 'perfect girl' who had spent the last five years by his side. I let out an icy laugh and hung up immediately. I had long been married to the most powerful Don of the strongest mafia family and had two adorable sons to show for it. Honestly, I had no idea what Bruce was thinking. Now, who even cares about him?

"I will give you time to adjust to this, and when it is time, you will want me, you will want this thing between us, and you will carry my seed and do your duties as my wife should." *** Nikolas Stavros, is the human definition of power, wealth, and beauty. He is determined to never fall in love again, and when it is time to marry, it must be for duty. A woman he can control who will breed heirs for him. Elaine Kyros knows duty all too well. After her mother died with a broken heart because of her grandfather disowning them, it is now time for her to take care of her twin brother as her mother requested on her dying bed. She will do anything, including marry herself off to the richest man in Greece to pay off her brother's debt. With wide blue eyes and an innocent heart, Elaine finds herself in a twisted relationship with a much more mature man, breathtakingly gorgeous in every way. Abandoning her college dreams she must learn what it means to be sold and bound by contract to her husband. She has no choice as she promised her mother to take care of her brother on her dying bed. Nikolas has sworn never to forget all about the past that tore his heart out a few years ago, but his little Bride is close to tearing down all his walls. Till the past comes calling and he ends up destroying his present.

After three years with her lover, Lloyd Banks, the proud and powerful heir to the banks Empire, Nancy Drew gets the shock of her life when she discovers she is pregnant and the man tells her she was only a thing of pleasure and not fit to carry his child. Nancy begged to keep her child and begged to even be his secret Baby mama but he looked her straight in the eyes and told her the truth he had harbored for years. “The truth is, when I look at you, I don’t see the kind of woman fit to carry my child. Look, I don’t think I will ever see you as anything more than what you are right now, a thing for my pleasure.” Broken and dejected she escapes with her pregnancy and goes back to her father who kicks her out of the house with her unwanted pregnancy and she is forced to move to another country. When the government of the new country enforces a single child birth policy for new pregnancies, Nancy is forced to give up one of her children. Lloyd cried when he received a package that contained his son with a letter stating. [ I hope you find some warmth in your cold heart to care for our son.] The Cold hearted and Proud CEO vowed to find the mother of his child and make her his no matter what but he is unsuccessful for years. What happens when they meet years later and he learns that she actually gave birth to not just one but two children for him? Let’s go Find out in TWO FOR THE CEO.

My life had never been more miserable until the day I witnessed my stepsister, Elise, getting married to my boyfriend, Miguel Hernandez - on the very same day I assisted a homeless-looking man. To make matters worse, I had to offer myself as property of El Diablo, the most ruthless mafia lord in the city, to save my father's life. After being auctioned off by El Diablo, I discovered that my new master was the homeless man I assisted - Gabriel, who also happened to be Elise's ex-boyfriend and Miguel's sworn rival. As the saying goes, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” and I didn't just find a friend in Gabriel, but also a contract husband. However, I had a probation period of two months to fully become a property of Gabriel else, I would be returned to El Diablo. What happens when the probation period is over and feelings start to creep in? Will Gabriel still regard me as a worthy candidate for the contract marriage?

AN EROTIC ROMANCE NOVEL. READ RESPONSIBLY. STORY CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT. Grayson Andrade suffered so much from the betrayal of his fiancee. Dahil sa sakit, poot at pandidiri sa dating nobya, malaki ang naging epekto nito sa kanyang katawan; hindi na magawang tumigas pa ng kanyang pagkalalaki! It brought shame and disgrace to him, and as a man who was once worshiped and adored by women, he finds it hard to accept his condition. He tried everything to cure his erectile dysfunction but to no avail. Pero nang makilala niya ang isa sa mga katulong sa mansyon ng kanyang yumaong ama na si Olivia ay bigla na lamang tumayo ang pagkalalaki niya at pagkatigas-tigas pa nito. Gagawin ni Grayson ang lahat mapapayag niya lamang ang dalaga na tulongan siya nitong gumaling sapagka't si Olivia lamang ang may kakayahang patigasin ang kanyang nagtatampong pagkalalaki.

Dylan Walker is one of New York city's richest businessmen. He has the reputation of being a ruthless businessman, and as hot as he is so is he arrogant, proud, and a full-time Casanova but not heartless though... His whole business carrier is at stake and the only thing that can save it is something he doesn't see himself doing. Getting married... Dylan turns to Lorraine, who isn't the regular woman he'll go for, she's beautiful and feisty with a voice men call 1-900 numbers to hear. Dylan offers her ten million dollars for a one-year contract. And there's nothing indecent about this proposal. The money will help with her family's bills. All Lorraine will need to do is keep her attraction to her new husband to herself and avoid his bed. But Dylan's toe-curling kisses and sexy charm prove too difficult for Lorraine to resist. It was a marriage contract that planned for everything...except falling in love.

Kate and Roxie are both attracted to the confident Dex, their smooth-talking future Alpha. With his playboy reputation, Kate doesn't trust his advances, or notice her best friends' jealousy. Desperate to be noticed by the Alpha, Roxie forms a blood oath with a demon. Kate's life soon descends into pain and chaos whilst her best friend mysteriously flourishes. As Kate's reputation crumbles, will Alpha Dex's original attraction survive even as she pushes him away? As more of her spirit is stripped away to feed the demon, will Roxie's desire to be Luna at any cost include her best friend's life? When it comes down to it, both will give anything for the Alpha.

*Excerpt* My gaze met Sergio's. He didn't look away. I couldn't look away either. It felt like there was an invisible magnet pulling us towards each other. He looked away, breaking us from the trance. "Are you sure you're okay, Nicole?" "Come inside." He shook his head. "I was worried, and—" "Come inside, let's talk." He shook his head again, unyieldingly. "We're already talking." "Are you scared?" I asked in a challenging voice, my gazed fixed on him. "What are you so scared of?" "Nicole..." "To answer your question, no, Sergio, I'm not okay." "What's bothering you?" The vulnerability in his eyes towards me was palpable. It was my chance to act. I couldn't afford to waste it. "You," I replied, my gaze still boring into his. "And your fiancee. I couldn't bear watching you together." Sergio swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I was jealous, Sergio." • *Blurb* In a turn of events, Juliana bears witness to the brutal murder of her father—a sight she never thought she'd witness. Amidst the turmoil, she finds out she's their next target, but somehow, she manages to evade them. Determined to seek closure and justice for what happened to her father, Juliana takes on a new identity as Nicole and embarks on a quest for vengeance against the masterminds. With a heart hardened by grief, she takes on the journey. A journey that would test her limits and push her to do unthinkable things. Will she succeed? Follow her on this journey as she confronts the demon of her past.

Because of his handsomeness and perfection, Demitri always became the target of women. His charm was beyond reason, always making him feel like a magnet on Earth. Not only that, as he hadn't yet found a prospective partner, his parents often tried to arrange him with his colleagues. Not wanting to be forced into a match, Demitri, by chance, encountered a mentally unstable woman who claimed to be his lover and decided to take advantage of her. He made an offer to the girl to enter into a contract marriage with him, in order to escape from his mother's matchmaking. So, how did their story unfold? How long can they endure the lie they made so explicitly? Follow their journey, only in the novel "CEO NOT FOR SALE!"