Funny Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

“Bro, it’s not a big deal. I’m just fucking her.” My heart stopped. Kendall’s voice replied, “But man, what would people think if you made her your girl? That’d be crazy work.” “I’m not stupid,” Jalen said flatly. “I’d never make her mine. It’s only sex, nothing more. And honestly? It’s not that good anymore. I was gonna let her down easy before break.” ...... Aria, a plus-size beauty, thought her scholarship and condo arrangements were a dream until she met her roommate, Talia. Rich, spoiled, and instantly cruel, Talia made Aria's life miserable. Talia’s new boyfriend, Jalen, was the campus golden boy. When Aria and Jalen were paired for a project, they clicked in ways neither expected from late night talks to shared secrets and undeniable sexual chemistry. On Halloween night, during an all campus party, Aria sees Talia cheating on Jalen. One emotional night led to an affair that changed everything… until Jalen says some really damaging words to his roommate that were unforgivable and also heard by a once happy but now upset Aria. Disappointed, fed up, and heartbroken, Aria leaves campus and never looks back. TEN YEARS LATER Aria returns for the ten year reunion, confident, stunning, and a self-made CEO. Jalen is still gorgeous… but stuck in a miserable marriage with Talia. She ignores him. Talia tries to humiliate her. Aria wins the room. As she leaves, Jalen kisses her. She lets herself feel it, then slaps him and walks away. THE BUSINESS MERGER Jalen’s cruise line needs Aria’s brand to revamp their image. She agrees, reluctantly. Now they’re forced to work side by side, trapped between old wounds and new sparks. Some love stories never die. But some can burn you twice.

An apocalypse driven by natural disasters. Survival of the fittest. Typhoons, floods, deadly cold, scorching heat, earthquakes, tsunamis, insect plagues, acid rain… After struggling through three years of the apocalypse, Nicole Floyd met a brutal death. Miraculously, she woke up and found herself three days before it all began. Nicole seized the advantage to reclaim her storage space, flipping the switch on full-on stockpiling mode. She shopped until she ran out of money, and her storage was packed tight. She also looked for the dog that had saved her life once before. She sharpened her knives, stacked her supplies, and took care of unfinished business. She paid back every debt, whether owed in blood or in kindness. And then, disaster struck. Her right hand gripping a knife and her left stroking the dog, Nicole pressed on through the ruins of a world without order or morals.

On my 30th birthday, my husband, Miles Harrington, was out of town on a business trip. To make it up to me, he had a cake delivered. What arrived at my door was a Superman cake that looked like it belonged at a three-year-old's birthday party. I was about to call him when my phone rang. "Honey, you're not gonna believe this. That bakery messed up my order and sent you the wrong cake." I didn't think much of it. Instead, I posted the story on my social media account as a funny little birthday mishap. Comments started pouring in almost immediately. [Was it really the bakery's mistake, or does your husband have a kid somewhere?] I laughed it off. Miles and I had been together since college. We dated, got married, and built a life together. Other than not having children, we were the kind of couple people envied. But as the post gained traction and the comments kept coming, I decided maybe it was time to delete it. Before I could, I got a direct message from the bakery. [Hi there. I wanted to clarify, the delivery driver didn't mix up the orders. Mr. Harrington bought two cakes. He accidentally swapped the delivery addresses.]

Olivia Harmon's marriage was not ideal. Her husband cheated on her at the time she needed him most. Despite his effort to pay for his mistakes, Olivia never really moved on from her heartbreak. She couldn't understand why someone whom she trusted most would be the one person who betrayed her. And then she met Roman. Blue eyes, full of charms, a smile that could brighten up her darkest nights, funny, and a face that made any woman turned their heads. Their love affair was fervent, refreshing, passionate, romantic, and brief. It was over as soon as it began until they meet again two years later in unexpected circumstances. Lies. Deceit. Guilt. Passion. Love. Infatuation. Olivia found herself in a tug-of-war with herself. Tangled in the complexity of her marriage and her new love. She soon discovered she was not the only one with secrets, leading them to an inevitable doom.

Frankie (Isa as the birth name) has not had an easy life since her father killed her mother when she was six. She gets minimum age working as a waitress and it's not enough to get good housing. Her fate changes when she meets Trey, a business tycoon at the bar she waitresses. Frankie's first impression of Trey is that he is rude, arrogant and entitled. Trey on the other hand is fascinated by how Frankie dresses and behaves and he is sure he is going to sleep with her which he does finally and becomes obsessed. Frankie's best friend and coworker at the bar introduces her to an extra hustle which involves supplying meds to pharmacies. Frankie has no idea that they supply contraband drugs and that one of the pharmacies affected is Trey's, who owns a chain of them. When Trey finds out that the drugs being supplied are fake, he launches an investigation and Frankie is in the middle of it. He is shell-bent on punishing her so he hires her as a help and doesn't pay her. Frankie knows she can't do anything about it because she doesn't want to go to jail so she lets him treat her however he wants. She ends up losing her and Trey's baby (he had no idea she was pregnant), and hates him more. Trey is devastated and does anything to make up for it. She finally forgives him and they get back together.

I’d been dead a month before my family even noticed. It wasn’t concern that brought them to that realization. It was my silence after the so-called “dinner” with Adam Rossi, the infamous mafia boss. My father scoffed like always,“She probably shacked up with that bastard. Too busy spreading her legs to pick up the damn phone.” My sister texted me a photo of them smiling under the Christmas tree, ornaments twinkling like nothing was wrong. Bitch, she wrote. You better talk Mr. Rossi into working with Dad, or you might as well be dead already. And my mother—once the softer one—was now colder than the frost on their windows. “I told you, we should’ve sent Gia to charm Mr. Rossi. Serena always screws things up.” They didn’t think I would die. Not until they found my body—broken, rotten, and forgotten—in Adam Rossi’s basement.

Life stopped for Arielle seven years ago when her childhood lover Zachary left her life. It was a mutual break up but little did they know that life had other plans for her. Seven years later, Arielle is a successful writer with dozens of bestselling books under her belt. Her father has found a potential match for her. However, when she is left at the altar once again by the second man she trusted, Zachary is back to pick up her broken pieces. Everything changed when Zachary asked for Arielle’s hand in marriage at the same altar where she was left. Years have passed, but his feelings are the same, and this time he refuses to let her go. This time he had to make her realise that they are made for each other and he was a fool to let her go once upon a time. Join Arielle and Zachary’s journey to read their second-chance romance.

Ophelia discovered her boyfriend's betrayal in the most devastating way possible. She attended an engagement party, only to discover that the groom was her boyfriend of two years–the man she had poured her heart and soul into. The same man for whom she had sacrificed everything had not only betrayed her heart but also driven her family's business into bankruptcy. Still trying to pick up the pieces of what's left of her life, her parents gave her a more devastating news: they had arranged for her to marry a man in a coma. "This is your mess Ophelia, it's only right that you help clean it up," her stepmother had said. With no room for protest, Ophelia found herself bound to a lifeless stranger. Yet, fate wasn't done with her just yet, as the comatose man harbored secrets that would turn her world upside down once again

The night before our wedding anniversary party, my husband—Harvey Clarke—receives constant calls from his first love, Cassie Moss. He responds by holding me closer, and I ask, "Aren't you going to pick up? What if it's urgent?" He firmly shakes his head and says he has already moved on. But when he receives news of her at the party, he breaks down right there and then, oblivious to the room of staring guests. When he tries to leave, I stop him in a panic, but he turns to me with a pure look of disgust. "Cassie's dead. Happy now?" The words hit me like a lightning bolt.

"Why are you angry?" I asked him. "It's not like we're a couple." He stopped, and stared at me, boring my eyes with his emerald eyes. "If we are…" He paused, clenching his jaw, "then am I allowed to be angry?” I looked at him like he was insane. “Then we'll take it to that level." He continued. "I'm serious. I want you.” Leizel Snow Garcia Waterstrings is not just fierce. She's more than that. Ending up as an ice cream worker in a local ice cream shop, it was her one step of becoming a strong and independent woman. And that's when a cold-hearted stranger came in view. Eion Aurelio Hudson. Out of seven billion people in the world, the two hard-headed people crossed paths, making her "strong and independent woman" facade slowly fall apart. With all the dramas, free food, forgotten birthdays, Robot handling, idiots around, and emotional crisis, will she be able to melt his winter heart with her blazing fire or will this fire be put away instantly? ``` ``` One Blazing Head. One Winter Heart. Two Hard-headed people. A huge disaster. (Book 1 of Hearts Series but can be read as standalone)