Funny Quotes On Independence Day

After my parents passed away, Uncle Mike took me in. When greedy relatives tried to snatch away my inheritance, he chased them off with a kitchen knife. “As long as I’m here, nobody lays a finger on this girl!” Aunt Rachel doted on me, calling me her precious baby and making me nutritious meals every day. My cousin Pete secretly slipped me pocket money and made sure to pick me up and drop me off at school, afraid I might get bullied. The neighbors all said I was lucky and to repay their kindness someday. On graduation day, I cooked them a lavish meal to show my appreciation. Every dish was laced with rat poison. I didn’t spare a single soul, not even the neighbors. I killed them all!

Imagine my shock when I found out that my husband, a professor who had proudly embraced a childless life for half of his years, had an affair with one of his own students. She even had his six-year-old son. The day I planned to report him to the university, Zia Thompson came to my door with the child and knelt in front of me. "Maybe you and Zeke were in love once," she said. "But he's over forty now. Who doesn't want to have a child? A legacy?" "I don't need a title," she went on. "I can give up the child too. I just beg you, don't tear our family apart." I looked at my husband, who stood protectively in front of them. I felt terrifyingly calm. "Cut ties with them," I said, my voice flat, "or prepare to be reported to the university. You choose." Without a moment's hesitation, he tore the report letter into shreds. I thought that was his answer. But on the fifty-second night of a bed grown cold and a home echoing with silence, he still hadn't returned. Instead, I received news that Zia was pregnant again. She had graduated by then. The report I never sent no longer posed any threat to them. Zeke didn't bother to hide his fatigue and irritation anymore. "Treat Zia and the kids well," he said, "or keep living alone in that empty house. It's your choice." My heart was already a wasteland. "I have one more option," I said. "I choose divorce."

My boyfriend's childhood sweetheart bound herself to a transfer system: everything she ate would be redirected straight into my stomach. She opened a streaming account and broadcast herself eating for twelve hours straight. She earned a fortune. Meanwhile, I collapsed with acute pancreatitis and was rushed to the hospital. When I explained the situation to my boyfriend, he only stared at me like I was insane. "How could something that absurd exist? If food could really be transferred, no one in the world would ever starve. You're just jealous that she's making money from streaming." After that, every time his childhood sweetheart went live, I ended up hospitalized again. I kept hovering between life and death. I sought medical help, but the doctors couldn't explain my condition. Some even wanted to commit me to a psychiatric ward. Then, one day, in order to outdo her rivals in a PK match, she devoured ten pounds of rice in a single sitting. At that very moment, my spleen and stomach ruptured, and I bled to death on the spot. When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the day of her very first livestream. This time, I was prepared. I rushed out and bought twenty takeout meals. "This time," I said, "I'll eat first."

It had been five years since my mate Ethan Blackwood secretly marked me. Then his brother, the Alpha of the Shadow Moon Pack, died in the territorial war. To become the next Alpha of Shadow Moon, Ethan inherited everything his deceased brother left behind. Including his widowed sister-in-law, Victoria. After every time Ethan shared Victoria's bed, he would hold me close and whisper reassurances: "Autumn, just wait a little longer. Once Victoria gets pregnant, we'll have our Mating Ceremony!" This was the pack's only requirement for him to inherit the Alpha position. In the six months since returning to Shadow Moon territory, Ethan had gone to Victoria's chambers countless times. From once a month in the beginning, to now almost every other day. Finally, after countless nights of sitting alone until dawn, news came that Victoria was pregnant. But along with this announcement came another—Ethan and Victoria would be holding their Mating Ceremony. "Mommy, is someone having a Mating Ceremony here?" my daughter asked. I looked around at the stark contrast to our sparse living quarters. The main hall was filled with flowers and balloons. People bustled about outside, everyone joyfully preparing for their Mating Ceremony. I pulled my innocent daughter into my arms: "Yes, sweetheart. Your father is having a Mating Ceremony with someone he loves, which means it's time for us to leave." Ethan didn't know that we wolves of the Silver Crescent Pack never cared about so-called Mating Ceremonies. In Silver Crescent, female wolves were revered. My mother was the current Alpha, and I only needed to bear an heir to the pack to inherit her position. I dialed a number I hadn't called in five years: "Mother, I already have an heir now. I'm ready to come home and claim your Alpha position."

After a decade of chasing Carter Worthington, I'm finally worn out. Letting go of my unrequited love, I choose to embrace the man who has quietly loved me all along. His name is Eli Loxley. Not only is he a skilled surgeon, but he's also Carter's stepbrother. Although Eli spent his childhood living in Carter's shadow, he's the one who has captured my heart. On the night I accept his heartfelt confession, he lights up the entire Marrowfield sky with fireworks. He even buys a private island by the sea, where he proposes beneath a blanket of stars. I believe this is the start of my happiness. But before our wedding, Eli disappears without a trace. I end up finding him on a private yacht on the Redridge River, laughing and chatting with his friends. "The only reason I pursued Anya was to get back at Carter. "She's only enticing when she's out of reach. After sleeping with her, I realized she's nothing special. "Marriage isn't what I'm after. But using it for payback? Now that's the real temptation, wouldn't you agree?" I don't shed a tear. I slip the ring off my finger and toss it aside. On the day of the wedding, the venue would stand empty. The entire city of Oakmont would mock it. After everything, I've decided to be the one who runs away as well. But why is the one who didn't love me then now frantically pleading for me to return? I'm afraid this chapter has closed. I won't turn back.

The seventh time I planned to register for marriage with Piero Conrad, he didn't show up again. I was about to text him and ask when he would arrive when I stumbled upon his childhood friend's post. [Celebrating the 999th day since marrying my dear, from the past to the future, it's always been you.] The video showed a marriage certificate, with Piero's name listed as the husband. The registration date was May 20, three years ago. I realized that was why he never showed up those seven times. He was already married to someone else.

My husband, Jaxon Murray, was a renowned medical expert and owned a big company. He was participating in a clinical drug trial when someone tampered with his medication. Under the influence, he ended up entangled with an intern—ninety-nine times, right there on the lab table. When he regained clarity, he rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom, and submerged himself in the tub without food or water as he waited for me to return from work. "Lauren," he said, "my medication was switched during the trial. I made a terrible mistake. But I paid her off and had her dismissed. She'll never appear before me again." I wept miserably, clutching my belly that had once again failed to carry life. And in the end, I chose to forgive him. Several months later, he crashed into a guardrail while answering a phone call, causing me to miscarry. The injury left me unable to conceive for life. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his voice choked with remorse. "Darling, I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry… We don't need children. We have each other, isn't that enough?" One day, I went to bring him lunch, only to find him in the next hospital room, cradling and feeding the woman he swore he'd never see again. "She's too weak to eat by herself," he said. "She has early-stage stomach cancer. There's no one else to take care of her… she's all alone." I chose to believe him. Again. Until one day, a pair of twins appeared in our home. Sophie Dixon knelt before me, wearing the postpartum gown he had once lovingly picked out for me, clutching my hand with tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault. Please don't blame Jaxon. If you say the word, I'll leave with the children immediately." Jaxon grabbed my other hand, desperation thick in his voice. "Lauren, you've always been the kindest person I know. The children are still so young. How could Sophie possibly raise them alone? You wouldn't be that cruel… would you?" I looked down at the hands gripping mine from both sides, and suddenly, I laughed. "Jaxon, let's get a divorce. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

For the nursery's Family Day, my husband, Gary Lane, said that he was busy at work and told our daughter, Emily Lane, and I not to participate in the event. I looked at Emily's disappointed face, my heart ached. Therefore, I decided to take Emily to the event myself. As soon as we arrived at the nursery, we saw Gary carrying a little boy in one hand and holding his childhood sweetheart, Shannon Harvey's hand in the other. They looked like a family of three and were very happy. That was until they saw me and Emily. Gary furrowed his brows a little and then let go of Shannon's hand. "Don't get me wrong, Jasmine. It's not easy for Shannon to raise a child as a single mother. It's the child's fifth birthday today. She wanted him to experience some fatherly love." I looked at him meaningfully, squatted down, and held Emily's hand. "Honey, say hello to Mr. Lane."

Seven years into our marriage, Zane Grimes and I remained childless. He once held me close, his voice tender and earnest. "Don't overthink it. I've never cared for children. You're all I want in this life." But on the day his company went public, as the ceremonial bell echoed through the hall, the doors burst open. My sister stormed in, cradling a wailing infant. "Zane, this is your son! How can you abandon us?" Zane's face paled as he turned to me, his eyes brimming with panic and a silent plea. Unbeknownst to him, I had long known about his betrayal and the child.

On my first day of work, a new colleague keeps hinting that she's the chairman's daughter. Everyone sucks up to her and flatters her when they hear. That's not the worst part—they make me out to be some old man's sugar baby! I angrily call the chairman. "They called you an old man with a sugar baby, Dad!"