Here I Am Once Again I'm Torn Into Pieces Novels & Stories

No matter how many times I mended it, it seemed like the dam in me was ready to break. Once again, I found myself torn in my priorities.

~So, please don't break my heart Don't tear me apart I know how it starts Trust me, I've been broken before Don't break me again I am delicate Please, don't break my heart Trust me, I've been broken before~ -What if Uno once day, decided to break my heart? Would it hurt as much as what Rico made me feel? ~I've been broken, yeah I know how it feels To be open And then find out your love isn't real I'm still hurting, yeah I'm hurting inside I'm so scared to fall in love, but if it's you, then I'll try~

The surface of the mirror was now a web of jagged fractures, spreading across the silver surface. My reflection was long gone now, splintered into a thousand distorted pieces and many versions of my own face. My blood was dripping and gleaming down the glittering shards. “What a sick joke, in disguise of fate. Maybe this is how things are meant to be between us. I won’t hope for anything from you anymore, Jaylene.” “But, I can never let you go either. I will never. I’m sorry.”

My body aches, but nothing hurts as much as the emptiness growing inside my chest. I shuffle forward and kneel next to the frame, reaching for one of the wooden slats that once supported the mattress. I try to wedge it back into place, but the other side is cracked, and the bracket it belongs to has been ripped straight from the joint. I try again. It doesn’t fit. Nothing fits. He broke it beyond repair. My hands fall to my lap. I stare at the wreckage, and for a moment, I forget how to breathe. Then it all hits at once.

It was and is all pretend. Another muffled sob hiccups out of my throat at the irony. Suddenly, it isn't enough to remove the pictures from the wall. I fall back to my knees and shred each piece. Smaller and smaller I tear until I'm left with a pile of torn pieces that can never be put back together.

I confessed, tears prickling the corners of my eyes. “I didn’t think. I was just… lost. I still am. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I thought I had it all figured out, I used to think that am strong enough to handle any challenge that life throws at me. But I don’t think I can do it anymore, I’m tired and broken. I’m hanging on a thin thread here, I’m barely holding it together as it is.

Stripped bare of all light, all joy, all hope. Not again, I thought desperately, a silent plea to my own failing spirit, dragging my hands through my meticulously styled hair, dislodging the silver pins, pulling at the soft curls. You don’t get to fall apart again, Ava. You already broke once. You can’t afford another crack, another splinter. But it was too late. The dam had already burst. The fragile containment I had maintained throughout the endless day, throughout the agonizing ceremony, crumbled.

"I want you to think about her while you finish. Think about her face when she finds out. Because she will..." My back hit the wall outside the shack. I didn't remember stepping away. My hands were shaking. My chest was too tight. “You're so much better than she ever was.Oh fuck,Lyria! Let me come in your mouth!” My legs turned and started walking back towards the market…as I walked, I felt something crack open inside my chest—something I'd thought was already broken beyond repair. Turns out, there were still pieces left to shatter.

I shook my head violently, my damp hair sticking to my face. “No, Lami… don’t say that. Don’t—don’t tell me everything is going to be fine when it isn’t. Because it’s not. Nothing is fine.” My voice rose in broken fragments. “I feel like my heart is being torn into a thousand pieces. Why can’t the universe just give me a moment—a single moment—of peace, of hope? Why is it always clawing at me, dragging me down further and further? Why?”

Tears started falling again. I'm a mess and I don't even know how I made it this far. How much longer until I screwup. It's always the same pattern. Working myself to the limit, taking in everything believing that I can handle it, and then bang. Just a little tinny spark to trigger me and everything goes flying into pieces. Eliane has never seen me shattered before and I wish she never does.