Jake The Dad Adventure Time Novels & Stories

My parents made Dana and me settle it with rock-paper-scissors. Loser had to marry the Baillieu heir—the so-called "freak." I won. Then flipped the script. "Cool. I'll take Blake. Dana can have the empire." Last time? I was dumb in love with Michael—Dad's adopted golden boy. Chose the company, stayed behind, and handed Dana off to Blake Baillieu. Big mistake. Six months in, Dana was gone—wrecked by that marriage. Right before she croaked, she texted Michael blaming me. Said I lost the game and ditched the deal, dumping Blake on her. Michael? Snapped. Dude went full psycho. Turns out, he and Dana had been sneaking around for years. He dragged me behind the Baillieu estate and forced a dozen intellectually disabled men to assault me. "If it weren't for your cruelty, Dana would still be alive! You'll pay for everything she suffered!" I was over eight months pregnant—almost due. Begged him to stop. Begged for my baby's life. He didn't care. Kept ordering them to take turns. Even when my water broke, he just watched. Both my baby and I died that night. Now? I'm back. And this time, I rewrote the story. Step one: marry Blake.

The daughter of my father's first love suffered from heatstroke because she was left in the car, so he tied me up in a fit of anger and locked me in the car boot. He looked at me with utter disgust and said, "I don't have a vicious daughter like you. Stay here and reflect on yourself." I begged him, apologized to him, and pleaded for him to let me out, but all I got in return was his ruthless order. "Unless she dies, no one is allowed to let her out." The car was parked in the garage. No one could hear me no matter how much I screamed for help. Seven days later, he finally remembered me and decided to let me out. However, he had no idea that I had already died in that trunk and could never wake up again.

While I was eating, I came across a post on X. [Found out my girlfriend has a nasty disease and is pregnant. I want my buddy to be the one left holding the bag. What should I do?] I was just about to comment that the poster was out of his mind when I scrolled down and realized people were actually giving him advice. [That's easy! If you two are close, just invite him on a trip.] [Get your girlfriend and your buddy drunk in the middle of the night, then have them stay in your buddy's room. When the time comes, catch them in the act. You can break up and push the kid onto your buddy to take responsibility…] Reading that comment, I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. I was about to show my friend this mind-blowing post so we could rant about it together when he suddenly looked up at me and asked, "Tyler, are you free this weekend? How about we go on a trip?"

What did we do when we were stuck inside during COVID? Some learned new skills, like making sourdough bread or crafting. Some caught up on their Netflix watching, learning all about the Tiger King. And some learned way more about themselves than they would have if the world hadn’t stopped. Samantha and Ashton finally gave in to the love and passion that had been eating them up alive, but they never acted on because Ashton is Samantha’s brother’s best friend. Cole comes to terms with his sexuality with the help of his gay roommate, Kent. Alexis gets stuck overseas with her boss and learns exactly how domineering Jonathan Wilson can be. And couple Jaime and Jorge work to get their roommate Andie out of her shell.

“Are you crying?" She shook her head and wiped at her face as more tears were falling. “I’m so stupid.” she groaned. "Now I am truly and utterly alone. If I had just said yes to marrying him, none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t have dragged you into this mess.” Without warning, I turned sharp to the side, putting the car to a sudden stop close to the curb. “Don’t ever say that again. You think marrying a man you don’t love, a man who doesn’t care if he hurts you, just to please your family is the right thing to do?” I turned to her slowly. “That would’ve ruined you.” “But I would’ve had a home to go to, I would’ve been taken care of. Now I have nothing,” she looked away. I reached over and gently took her bruised hand in mine. “You did the hardest thing anyone in your position could have done. You saved yourself. That takes more guts than standing there and pretending to be happy.” I tucked a hair behind her ear. “You think you are alone? You’re not… you have me.” ___ Alina Etienne has always lived a life dictated by her parents. She is groomed to be an obedient daughter, a perfect public image, and now, a bride to a man she doesn’t know or love. On her wedding day, crushed by the weight of expectations, Alina does the unthinkable... she says “I don’t” and flees the altar. On the run and scared with nowhere to go, she crosses paths with Mikhail Antonov. A cold, guarded man with a past he doesn’t talk about. What began as a reluctant act of kindness turned into something neither of them expected.

All my life, I have been trapped in the shadow of my sister, Selene. She was the Silver Moon Pack's Daughter of Moonlight, blessed by the Moon Goddess, the prize every Alpha coveted. What she didn't know was that this time, I had been blessed as well. I was reborn on the night of my mating ceremony. Just as in my past life, she smiled that harmless smile, insisting on giving me the first choice of a mate, maintaining her perfect facade of a generous and doting sister in front of everyone. This time, however, I wouldn't give her the chance. In my last life, I genuinely believed she had my best interests at heart. I foolishly gave her the first choice and chose Alpha Damien of the Black Forest Pack, a man who suffered from Moon Sickness, sending him into frequent, uncontrollable rages. I gave up my birthright within the pack and became the balm for his violent wolf, staying by his side every moment like a full-time caretaker, even though he never offered me a single ounce of a mate's affection. It was not until a Rogue wolf attacked during the celebration for Selene's heir that he attempted to use dark magic to steal her unborn pup's spirit. In that instant, the Alpha who everyone believed had been lost to madness for years was suddenly lucid. He lunged forward to protect Selene, but in his haste, he accidentally pulled me into the path of the dark magic. The spell struck me instead, crippling my wolf spirit. Only then did I finally understand. He had never truly suffered from Moon Sickness. His pack had never seen him as a discarded monster. He had feigned madness only because he knew he could never have Selene's love and refused to bond with anyone but her. In my final moments, he apologized to me. "Forgive me, Elara." "I could never let anything happen to Selene. I'll repay you in my next life." When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the night our father ordered us to choose our destined mates. This time, they were the ones begging for my love.

“You can’t blame me. Her father is the richest man in this country. You’re just an orphan. You should be grateful I even dated you. I won’t mind having you as my mistress though.” These were the words of my boyfriend after catching him in bed with my best friend. If it were with any other woman, it would have been less painful. But my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back? How does one heal from that? For the first time in my life; I am going to be very mean, because how could they? Yes, I was an orphan but does that give anyone the right to trample all over me? Well, I’d become the wife of that richest man! And have them address me as “Mom”

After being married to Caden Lancaster for seven years, I find a diamond ear stud that doesn't belong to me in his suit pocket for the first time. What's more, I haven't worn jewelry in a long time. I calmly place the stud on the dining table in the living room and wait for Caden to come back with our son, Felix Lancaster. As soon as Felix walks in, he spots the sparkling stud and says with disdain, "Mom, you're wasting money again." I hold back the urge to hit him. I ignore him and shift my gaze to Caden, who is standing behind him. "Explain yourself. Whose earring is this?" I say coolly. Caden doesn't speak. He stands there as if he is frozen in place. His handsome features stiffen. Seeing the scene, Felix suddenly bursts into laughter. "Dad, did you find me a new mom? That's great!" My six-year-old son imitates the mocking tone he heard from short videos and shouts at me, "Having a plain Jane mom like you is so embarrassing! Get out of my house! This looks like Ms. Sulvan's earring. That's great! I want her to be my mom. She's pretty, gentle, and she really likes Dad." Every word cuts deeply into my heart. Upon hearing this, Caden loosens his clenched fist. He takes two shoehorns from the cabinet behind him and smacks Felix on the head. He hands both of them to me and asks in a low, grim voice, "Which one do you want, honey? The wider one or the thinner one?"

When Yelton Group tanked, their CEO and his wife showed up at our door, begging for a marriage alliance. My dad, thinking I was still head-over-heels for Rosie after ten freaking years, threw a million into their sinking ship and signed me up to marry Rosie. Wedding night? She blindfolded me and kept whispering how bad she wanted it. A month later, I tested positive for an STD. Then I caught her bragging to her friends. "Quinn got wrecked by, like, a dozen girls," she laughed. "Wanna guess who gave him the infection?" Her friends were cracking up. "I scouted all the grossest red-light spots," one said. "Each one's got a different flavor." "Just wait," another giggled. "When the symptoms hit hard, we'll know who wins." Rosie added, "Prize money's ready. Soon as we figure it out, she gets paid." That's when it hit me. It wasn't Rosie in bed that night—it was a lineup of strangers she set up. I lost it. Went straight to her, demanded answers. She didn't even flinch. "Mad? Please. If you hadn't dangled that million to force me into this marriage—or scared Caleb off—do you think I'd waste my time on you? "Once Caleb forgives me, you're done." I asked for a divorce. She locked me in the basement. "Chill," she said. "We're still placing bets on who gave you the STD." Six months later, I died down there. Just rotted away. Then I woke up—right back on the day her parents came begging for that deal. Only this time, on the wedding day? She was the one crying.

On our Christmas break road trip, my cousin Felix Lloyd spotted some high-powered speakers at a highway rest stop. He had to have them—said he wanted to "blast it." "It's Christmas. We finally get to see everyone! We need some vibe!" My wife, Lana Ramsey, smiled and helped him pay. "Young people have energy. They know how to enjoy life." I yanked the power cord out. "Those aren't for regular cars. This is an EV. Overload it, and the whole system fries. Then what—just stuck in the middle of nowhere?" Lana's parents, Vincent and Donelia, booed me, calling me a buzzkill. Felix cranked the volume all the way up. Lana glared at me. "Say one more word and get out. I'll drive." Later, the speakers fried the battery system. We were stranded in total darkness on a rough mountain road. They finished the last of the food, then shoved me out to "go find help." I slipped, rolled down the slope, and died. When I opened my eyes, I was back—right when Felix jammed the speaker plug into the charging port. I grabbed a few more subwoofers and handed them over. "One isn't enough. Add more. That's how you really crank it."