Jingle Bells Spoof Novels & Stories

Part of me wanted to roll my eyes at the display, but the strong feeling of joy drew me in. As I stood there, pretending to be surprised when everyone shouted "Happy Birthday!" at me, confetti burst into the air like a firework display gone wild. I couldn't help but chuckle; it felt like standing in the middle of a joyful whirlwind. Of course, I let out an exaggerated gasp, grinning widely to keep up the act. I raised my glass of moonshine—a mix my folks made that could knock the socks off a bear—and took a big sip, feeling the warm burn trail down my throat.

The doorbell rings and I swear I jump like a frog from the couch. It's Seven! It's Seven! It's Seven! But Shit! It's not Seven! I'm baffled. It's the woman in a scarf over her head and shouting red lipstick. "Hallo Terra?" 💋💋💋💋💋

“Sоundѕ gооd, I wоuldn’t be ѕееn dеаd walking with a ріnk ѕраrklу lеаd.” “Rеаllу? I think іt wоuld gо wеll wіth уоur outfit,” I tеаѕеd. Before I hаd tіmе tо finish lаughіng, Jоеl grаbbеd my rіbѕ tickling mе hard. I jоltеd in surprise, іnѕtаntlу wakening Rubу.

The role you made me play Of the fool, no, I don’t like you,” I barely registered someone running up the stairs, but I kept singing: “But I got smarter I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead I do it all the time,” I finished the last “Look what you just made me do” from the final chorus when one of my mom’s favorites when she’s really angry came to my mind. “Play ‘Having A Blast’ by Green Day!” I shouted into the microphone. When nobody moved, I keyed it into youtube, and started to jump to the beat. “I'm takin' all you down with me Explosives duct taped to my spine Nothing's gonna change my mind I won't listen to anyone's last words

and the two laugh awkwardly because of Syrel’s message. “The traditional 18 wishes are way better than this even though it’s full of sarcasm,” The emcee said and the audience laugh. “Next one, Jane Riezel” “Oh my gosh!” Jane reacted and she headed to the stage for her message. “Merry. Merry Christmas in advance girl!” We laughed when we heard Jane’s first message for Cristine. “Labor. Happy Labor’s Day in advance as well. Independence. Happy Independence to you since you’re now 18! I don’t know where these words came from? On the calendar?” and we laughed so hard when she said the last phrases.

The bitterness in my chest hit its peak. They really didn't want to make things any better for me. When I went back to the living room, I heard Mom trying to call me on the phone. Unsurprisingly, no one picked up. I told Mom in my mind that I was already dead. They wouldn't be unlucky anymore. "That jinx! She won't even pick up the phone! She's definitely hiding something." Mom angrily hung up the phone. "Mom, don't send her food, and don't give her any money. Let her starve for a few days. That's the only way our luck will turn around."

The sheet nodded solemnly. I dropped a handful of candy. “Solid choice. Classic.” Ten minutes later: knock knock. Same height. Same sheet now slightly crooked. “Trick or treat!” I raised an eyebrow. “Ghost again?” Sheet shook side to side. Kid whipped it off to reveal a Spider-Man mask underneath. I laughed so hard I almost dropped the bowl. “Nice try, ghost-Spider.” Another handful of candy. Ten minutes after that: knock knock. This time the sheet was inside out and the eye holes were in the wrong place.

Jennifer talks about acting like a poor thing, I know when Jennifer is acting like a poor thing and I join in. “True Jennifer, I'm also going to return the bunny costume, it's a shame, then the panties won't even fit me and I'll be huge, I'll never wear those tiny panties with the pompom on my butt, nor the little bow with the bunny ears, It’s a great shame,” I say pouting. “I wanted to use the strawberry-flavored gel that warms your mouth, but I'm going to return it too,” Jennifer speaks and I nod. “I was going to use the cold gel and I was even going to play with dice, it would be so cool to roll the dice and see how many pieces of clothing I would have to take off, it's a shame,” I say po

The room fell silent, all eyes turning towards him. “Well, folks,” Jerry began with a mischievous glint in his eye, “it looks like we’ve officially hit rock bottom. But hey, that means there’s no way to go but up, right? Unless, of course, someone hands us a shovel!” He mimicked the action of digging with an imaginary shovel, complete with sound effects. There was a moment of stunned silence. Damien raised an eyebrow, half-expecting an explosion of frustration. But then, one by one, the tension in the room broke as smiles appeared on the faces around the table. A few chuckles escaped, and soon the entire room was laughing.

“Now, play some good old fuckin’ type music.” People laughed as the bouncer stuck a couple of quarters in the machine and started pressing numbers. The song Candy by Cameo bellowed out of the jukebox. Half the customers jumped out of their seats and started dancing and stripping off their clothes. “It’s not midnight yet,” Jackie stated. “Hell, are you going to tell them that?” Jodi asked with a smile. “Besides, what’s fifteen minutes when it comes to fuckin’?” Jackie couldn’t help but smile.