Lightning Mcqueen Funny Novels & Stories

Oh my goodness…this is ridiculously funny. Madden blinked, slowly turning to me. “Is this some kind of omen?” The chicken pooped on the hood. And then—it leapt. Right onto the windshield. “OH MY GOD—” I burst out laughing. Madden groaned, flipping on the wipers. “Why are you laughing? This is your fault. I told you you had bad luck.” The chicken hopped up again and then pooped again. Right onto the windshield. Not the hood this time. The actual windshield.

My summer plans are crushed, just like the passenger side of my car. The driver exits his vehicle, scratches his hand down his face, quickly examines the damage and laughs. He literally laughs. “Is this funny to you? What the hell is wrong with you?” This only makes him laugh more. His SUV has barely a scratch and my car is toast. How is this funny? When I realize my loss is his morning comedy, I see red. “You're an asshole,” I spit, louder than I had intended.

About fifteen minutes into the drive, I asked, “Why so slow?” “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you feel the need, the need for… going faster?” I laughed so loudly I almost snorted and had to put both of my hands over my nose since even a baby like me recognizes the famous movie quote he almost said. “You’re a funny guy in an unassuming way.” He turned a slight shade of pink. “Yeah, well, in our line of work you have to find some way to be a little bit of a comedian, or you’ll end up in the loony bin.”

"Human, I want to see how you'll kill us!" Lucas smiled calmly, saying, "Do you believe that I can let you see their brain matters in a second?" The dozen or so Lightning Rat Dark Race all laughed out loud when they heard this. They swore that they had never heard such a funny joke since birth. ""Haha!!!"" Lucas looked at the smiles on the faces of the dozen Lightning Rat Dark Race in front of him. And a trace of doubt appeared on his face. "What are you laughing at?" A Lightning Rat Dark Race member looked at Lucas with disdain.

“Not really.” “Fair enough.” He shrugs, falling into step beside me. “I’m good company even when we’re not talking. Or if you need a distraction, I’m great at that too. I can tell terrible jokes, make fun of random people on the street, or just sit there and look pretty. Whatever you need.” I can’t help but smile a little despite everything. “You’re ridiculous.” “But I make you smile, don’t I? That’s my superpower.” We reach his car, his sleek black Mustang parked by the curb. He unlocks it and immediately rushes around to open the passenger door for me, bowing dramatically as he gestures for me to enter.

Somehow, though completely different, they all shine in their own ways. “You too,” Molly snaps back. “Do a little spin and show Momma what you were working with.” She twirls a finger in the air, and smiling, she does a model-like turn to show her the back of her gown. “Ka-chow!” she says, flashing finger guns at her. “You are the McQueen, Lightning!” Monica totally gets her play on words, but the others look a little confused.

he groans. "Fuck!" he exclaims, kicking at his tires. He complains while I stand with my eyes pouting as they are slightly swollen and red. I look from him to the parking lot around us. The McLaren I just stepped out of nothing compared to the line of supercars spread out before me. I see Lamborghini's, Ferrari's, several Bugatti Veyrons, and surprisingly even Mustangs?...

In true Malachi HawkThorne fashion, I choose the latter. I’m unable to cease my laughter. It’s only a matter of time before my brothers join me, even when I can tell they do not understand why all of this is so funny to me. “Can you believe it?” I finally say, when my words come back to me. “I could have sworn she’s never gotten a parking ticket in her entire laugh, and she has a whole murderer and rapist for a son! Humans…” I shake my head, my laughter slowly dying at the base of my throat. “We’re impossible, really.”

And after almost thirty years of marriage, their incredibly quick-witted, no-holds-barred humor was glorious. "That wasn't that bad, right?" Gray asked from the driver's seat while we were at a stoplight. "Yeah, we both smell like we came from the set of 'Pineapple Express' even if neither of us smoked anything... But a quick shower will fix that." I chuckled at the fitting reference. "It wasn't bad at all. God, I had so much fun," I admitted, smiling wide. "I don't remember the last time I laughed that much... Thanks again for bringing me."

He sputters then laugh. “What’s so funny?” I give him a flat look “Jeep” he sounded insulted “It’s a G-wagon” he corrects. “And why is that something to laugh about?” He doesn’t answer still laughing. Irritated I glared at him “You’re so annoying you know that right?” He just keeps walking mumbling something along the line of how can someone call this beautiful beast a jeep? I only asked because I noticed the car waiting for me in the driveway was a different one this morning. It used to be a black Mercedes’