Male Reader Lemons

After three years of marriage, I believed I had the perfect family. My wife, Sarah, was gentle and caring, and our son was bright and adorable. On a rare day when I finished work early, I arrived home to find Sarah asleep, slumped tiredly by the crib. My heart went out to her, and I decided to carry her to our bedroom. As I approached, Sarah's phone screen suddenly lit up. A message appeared: “Sarah, is our son asleep?"

Five years after I died, Delia—my wife, a doctor—tried to dump her first love's new mess on me again. She stormed into my old place, waving some fake agreement with my name on it, but all she found was dust. Panicking, she ran downstairs and cornered the shop owner. "William?" he said. "He's been dead five years. Heard the family of that malpractice case found him. Stabbed him up bad." Delia laughed it off, like the guy was making it up. "So what if he got suspended? He's still sulking over that?" She rolled her eyes. "Tell him this—he's got three days. If he doesn't show, I'm cutting off his sister's cancer treatment." She muttered something ugly, slammed the door, and left. The shop owner just watched her go, shaking his head. "There's no sister left," he said quietly. "She died years ago... couldn't pay for treatment."

On my birthday, Heather Pond’s lover posted a sonogram on his social media account and captioned it, [We’re going to be parents!] I commented, [Congratulations. You can have the baby cot from my place.] The next second, Heather called me to give me a warning. “Brandon Smith is dying. I’ll come back to you once I give birth to his child. Please don’t trigger him any further!” I remained calm and collected when I served her the divorce papers. Then, I packed my bags and went on a vacation in Europe.

The day before our wedding, I received an expensive suit from my wife. Not long after, her young lover called me, his voice trembling. "I'm sorry. It was my fault. My bad for mixing up your size. Please… please don't blame Sylvie." On the other end, I could hear Sylvie soothing him gently, patiently, until he calmed down. I stared at the plane ticket in my hand—a one-way trip out of the country—and calmly asked her for a divorce. Then, as if I no longer mattered, she left me with a single, cold sentence. "Just don't regret it."

My wife, who had always despised lugging around keys, ditched our modern smart lock for a clunky old-school key version. She even bolted it shut during showers. Every time I returned from work, I'd have to ring her up first. Fed up, I slapped the divorce agreement on the table during a family get-together. Everyone assumed I was drunk and joking. My wife hauled off and cracked me across the face. "Am I asking too much? You promised you'd indulge me forever." I met her glare with icy indifference and let out a bitter scoff. "Aren't I divorcing you and never returning the ultimate indulgence?"

My girlfriend is an heiress from the upper class of Jetland, and she is worth tens of billions of dollars. In order to test me, she has never spent a single cent on me, nor given me any presents during the seven years that we have been together. She even splits the bill with me when we buy rubbers. After my mother falls severely ill, I borrow all the money that I can from all my family and friends. I only need two thousand dollars more to afford my mother's operation. However, even when I beg my girlfriend to lend me money, she refuses. After my mother passes away, I take care of everything on my own. When I go home to pack my things, I accidentally come across a list of presents that she has bought for our neighbor, whom she treats like a younger brother. These gifts include a luxury villa, a designer watch, and haute couture suits. There is also an audio recording of her conversation with her best friend. "Tessie, I heard that Ethan begged you so he could borrow two thousand dollars from you. Is that true?" Tessa Seinfeld snorts, and her voice rings out carelessly. "Zeke's right. Only a leech would go down on his knees just for two thousand dollars. We've only been together for seven years, and he's already so eager to get money out of me." In the end, our seven years of relationship mean nothing. It only takes a provocative comment from her neighbor, Zeke Palmer, for everything to fall apart. But it doesn't matter. From the moment my mother died, I have already decided to leave Tessa.

Eight years married, and my wife? She asked for a divorce 99 times. I thought it was just her usual drama—testing me. Then I found out she'd been wiring half a million every year to some dude. Always with the same note: ILU. When she hit me with divorce number 100, I finally signed. I pulled my money out of her little passion project and ghosted—moved my company overseas, wiped my tracks clean. Now she's out there losing her mind, trying to find me.

My younger brother had stage four kidney cancer. Our parents demanded that I donate a kidney to save him. I told them I only had one kidney left. The transplant would kill me. Instead of listening to me, they forcibly strapped me to the operating table. “It’s just one kidney! Stop being so selfish!” they yelled. They did not care that I was telling the truth. Years ago, I had given my other kidney to save my father after his car crash.

I'm on my way to get married when a truck slams into my car from behind. After being unconscious for a long time, I hear the doctor telling my fiancee that I might lose my memory. I decide to have a little fun and open my eyes, pretending to be confused. "Who are you?" My fiancee goes completely still. I'm about to admit I'm only teasing her, but before I can, she grabs my best man's hand without a second thought. "I'm Janice Lloyd, your best friend's fiancee. You got into a car accident on your way to our wedding."

When life gives you lemon, make lemonade, but what do you do when lemonade is served instead of lemons? I think I'm in deep shit and I don't know how to get out. I was sold to a Mafia underboss, not technically, but he claimed me, a ruthless one at that. I know it's crazy but I'll escape no matter what, I will break these shackles and fly freely like a bird, and if that meant spilling blood, then I am so ready.