Mort From Bob's Burgers Novels & Stories

He got calls from producers and editors at least twice a week. Everyone wanted to use the motel to film the ten year reunion of the only surviving victims of the 'motel muderers' as the news had taken to calling them. That is how 'murder motel' had come about and stuck. They wanted Lacey, Andy and the kids show up and talk about what happened. They were hoping that Lacey and Andy would blame Owen, with sparks flying on national television. Conflict made for higher ratings apparently.

Bob said with a cheerfulness that I could tell was false. “Hi, Bob,” I replied, taking my seat. “So, what’s this about a commercial for Outer U?” “What’s the rush?” Bob sat down. “Let’s catch up.” “I’d rather not.” I looked around. “Where’s the waiter?” “Oh, don’t worry. I already ordered for both of us. Club sandwich and soda for me, salad and water for you.” My nose crinkled in disgust. I used to hate when Bob would order for me at restaurants. He’d always order me the cheapest option possible.

I walk to the front of the building and see a sign, “Bob’s B-B-Q! I can look it up online! Time to get home.” I teleported home and told dad and Elliot, “We need to look up Bob’s B-B-Q and find their address. I want to call in a report to the police. There is a ton of evidence all over the back room of the building.” I went to the computer in the office, and looked up the business name, “Sarasota, Florida! That makes sense. It’s close to the ocean, so they could take boats to Mexico. That’s the only thing that makes sense. Flying and driving would attract too much attention. Especially when they were transporting fifty women.” Dad and Elliot agreed and I found the address to the restaurant.

"How did he go about Whitley and Barney's corpse?" "You mean, her father and friend, right?" "Of course." "The guy I introduced to Bob you know...he works with a friend doing highway construction, Bob Joker paid them a huge ransom; and they shovel the bodies into the roadbeds during the night and cover them up for real. And they're buried forever and ever. I bet there are hundreds of dead bodies under the Los Bahamas railroad track. And Bob was responsible for the death of more than eighty-five percent who were buried there. About thirty percent were buried alive."

I already texted Alisha to meet me here by this time from my burner phone. I hope that bitch turns up, she’s the only key to making this all work. It has been thirty minutes, and I haven’t touched my food one bit, the waiter with the horrible make-up is giving me a side eye and I force myself not to roll my eyes, it’s freaking seven in the morning! “Did you hear about Robert Brookes’ death?” The teenagers behind me ask each other, eyes wide. “Yes, man, it was horrible.” Another says, and I look away from them.

Kaze remarked with a smile, “You might die if she heard you make that comment.” In less than ten minutes, Bob’s minions received devastating calls. “Shit, Mr. Damian! Brooke was found in his girlfriend’s home. He has been beaten up. H-His thing was cut off.” “Your fanciest nightclub has caught fire. Thank goodness it’s not business hours yet.” “Two men showed up at Bob & Beyond. Several of our men were knocked down.”

“Moring sheriff! Isn’t it a wonderful morning?” Bob was known in town as being grumpy. The only person he talked to was the people who sold him food and seeds. But today he was out saying hi to everyone. “You seem to be in a good mood, too.” “I had a wonderful time last night, sheriff.” “That’s good to know. Any problems on the farm?” “Nah. It was my lucky night. Me and the missus had sex twice last night and even gave me—” “Let me stop you there, Bob. It’s nice to say hi once in a while, but I don’t need to know everything about your life.”

During this period, “burrito” became an unspeakable word among the players. Because the moment someone said that word, a boss would immediately appear at their door. On the player forum, every post revolved around burritos. "Who on earth kidnapped this woman! The entire horror game can’t eat burritos anymore!" "Because of this woman, all the bosses entered berserk mode, and the player survival rate dropped below 10%!" "Please! Hurry and find this woman and end this!"

He was then told to leave the country. The irony or the luck of the draw that both Natasha Ivanka and Bohdi Michaels were involved with the Russian mafia knocked the wind out of me. It was too much to fathom. The soft knock on my office door was a welcome break. “Come in.” Perry opened the door looking solemn and sad. With a shaky voice, she said, “Everyone is in an uproar, Ms. Robert. Dorman Sr. is calling a meeting for all the staff.” “What happened?” “Bohman Underwood has been murdered.”