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LOYAL

LOYAL

He handed a bag of McDonald's after placing her gently on the King Sized Bed. "Thank you daddyyy." She dragged with a huge smile on her face immediately eating her burger and coke. James had already eaten his while she was relaxing on him so he just chuckled Watching her. "So what are we doing tomorrow? Cause I know you didn't just fly me to London to fuck me." Tiana said cleaning the side of her mouth and James bursted out laughing because of how she said it. "What? E reach to ask o." She said raising her hands up.
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CAGED: IN HIS LOVE

CAGED: IN HIS LOVE

"Hope she will like it. I specially do it for her. Don't I?" Kathy was driving the car, and they were going to head back home when Tina suddenly asked for a cheese burger and Kathy had to stop the car before a burger zone to complete the would - be mummy wish. She bought the cheese burger and went back to the car, and stuffed it inside Tina's hand. "Here you go. Now gobble and shut up, we are returning home. It's beyond six, Aaron will kill me if I don't head home soon." Kathy rings in.
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M.Z. Mauve
pretty good start. enough descriptive imagery. the blurb was okay. seems like there's enough conflict to keep the story interesting. the blurb needs some proofreading, as well as the first chapters (typos, tense consistency issues, punctuation, etc.). overall, nice work
krushandkill
The synopsis hints that this story has more in it than it seems. The chapters need some editing, but nothing that damages the story as it is right now. The ML is easily hated, but I bet there is more about him than the first chapters shows.
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Mr. Darcy Jr.

Mr. Darcy Jr.

he added. "Hello Darcys! Welcome!." she welcomed us with a smile. So Jim is a loyal customer here, no wonder he's so fat. Jim ordered for us, he ordered 9 burgers. "There, it's their best selling burger and my favorite, 3 for you, 3 for you". Jim while distributing the burgers. "What the, Jim, you expect us to eat this all? This burgers are massive, one is enough for me" Billy was shocked by the amount of burgers in his plate. Even me, this burgers is big as BigMac at McDonald's, I can't eat this all.
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Further to Fall in Love

Further to Fall in Love

Jim got his dark hair and brown eyes from his father but is a few inches taller and many pounds lighter than his dad. “It’s a little early,” Jim starts. “But is anyone hungry? We can do brunch instead of lunch.” “That’s fine with me,” I say. “I’ll gladly go out.” Mr. Jones pats his stomach. “The breakfast at the hotel was terrible.” “There’s a cute little Mexican restaurant down on the corner.” Mrs. Jones motions behind her. “I could really use a margarita right now.” She nudges me. “Maybe we could split a pitcher.” “Uh…yeah.” I look at Jim, who grabs his phone and wallet from the coffee table. I pull my
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The Arrogant CEO

The Arrogant CEO

We both step out of the car, and walk to the sidewalk, we glance at each other for a moment before turning away, the way his eyes glowed under the moonlight, Aiden had nothing on him. We cross the street and walk to the entrance of McDonald's, he opens the door for me and it's empty inside, we walk up to the cash register and the waiter looks at us and smiles. “Mr Forsythe, good evening, should I get you your usual?” he says. “No Jimmy, give me a number two with a large sprite, extra cheese on the burger and extra-large fries,” “Got a big appetite tonight sir,” Jimmy laughs and punches in his order before looking up at me, “And for you ma’am?”
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BUZZ: A Titan Kings MC Novel TWO

BUZZ: A Titan Kings MC Novel TWO

“Of course, let’s go.” We drove around for what felt like hours before James told us we needed to head back. I reluctantly agreed, knowing that he was buying me the same car and I would never have to give that up! We eventually got back to the showroom, telling the excited salesman that we wanted it. I told him the color and the interior I wanted and then James paid. We were both starving when we left so we decided to head into the little diner in town for some food. We both ordered burgers and fries with a milkshake. I was having the best day. After we finished eating, James invited me back to the clubhouse. He had been telling me about the new prospect, Buzz, and his talent for hacking. I
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All Grown Up

All Grown Up

“Why don’t you guys both come on in? I’ll whip up some burgers myself. All the works.” “Yes!” Joe said, pumping his fist in the air, and I wondered if he hadn’t timed his arrival specifically in the hope of that. Tristan’s diner did some of the best burgers in the world, as far as I was concerned, not that I had very much experience with other burgers. His favorite, and the one that Joe and I usually got had cream cheese, jalapenos, and fried onions on top of it. Food didn’t get much better than that. I glanced back toward the hardware store, wondering if I trusted leaving Chance in there alone. I doubted that there would be many people in there, and if there were any problems, they would pr
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His Mistress

His Mistress

the door flew open revealing hah James Oh my gosh!..this is not gonna be pretty! "Boss" they both bowed there heads in respect He spared them a glance before taking slow strides to my direction...he puffed out the smoke of his cigar staring maliciously at me "Hello Tina" he walked around in circles around my chair "How are you doing today ?"he asked...I remained mute not until he pulled my hair painfully I winced out loud earning a smile..."when I ask you a question you reply immediately got that ?"
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Billionaire Love Story Children Series

Billionaire Love Story Children Series

We looked at the menu and walked to the cashier to order "What do you guys want?" Matt asked "Cheese burger" I said "Double-Double burger" Morris said "Me too" "Me three" "Me four" The boys are settling with the bigger one "You Joan?" Andrew patted her head "Animal fries only" "Oh I want that too" I said "Let's take a seat" Joan pulled me to the empty seats and yes people are still staring. I'm use to this attention since I'm an actress and the 7 Gold Life's kids
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