Until I Wrote Him
I slip the phone back into my coat and light a cigarette, even though I quit years ago.
The flame flickers against my fingers, trembling.
I inhale deep. The smoke burns my throat, fills my lungs, anchors me.
My reflection stares back at me in the side mirror, eyes darker than the city behind them.
I look like the man I swore I’d stopped being.
Maybe I never stopped.
Maybe the peace talk was always a lie.
The cigarette tip glows red against the dark, like a dying heartbeat.
And as I flick the ash into the night, I know one thing for certain,
This was only the beginning.