"I can't do this anymore!" A loud smash echoed from downstairs from the living room.
"He is a freak! I can't have him living in our household!"
"He brings disgrace to our family name."
Xavier stayed in his dark room. Curled up in a ball. Wishing he was someone else. But he wasn't, and he can't change that. He sobbed quietly, not wanting his family to hear.
"Look at the time! It's 2:12 in the fucking morning! I need to go to work in the morning and we've wasted fucking two hours arguing about him. I'm going to bed." The man stormed off into the master bedroom, followed by the woman.
Xavier checked the glowing green light which showed the time on his alarm clock.
"Oh." He said quietly to himself. Xavier had school tomorrow so he better get some sleep. He got up, knowing it was safe to do so, as he heard his parent snore. He got undressed and put on his pajamas and crawled into bed. He let the darkness take over.
'Beep! Beep! Beep!'
The sound shook Xavier awake. He rubbed his eyes. School time. He got ready to get out of bed and start another boring, disappointing and melancholic day.
"Xavier?" He turned towards where the voice came from. His mother was standing at the door.
"Yeah?" He mumbled.
"This might be a bit of a shock, but, today, you are going to a new school." She explained with a nervous look on her face.
A new school? New friends maybe? New people that actually might be interested in hearing me? Xavier thought.
"Oh." He said, slightly cheery.
"Sorry." She said.
"No no, it's all good, thanks." Xavier said with a meek smile. The smile that doesn't come out very often. The one that hides behind his face, the one which wants to be free.
"Oh okay." His mother said, slightly shocked at her son's rare smile. It almost scared her a little.
His mother closed the door, and with that Xavier laughed and got up, excited for his new school. He exited his room and entered the bathroom, which was just next door. Xavier looked at his reflection in the mirror. He sighed.
"Can I change myself?" He mumbled.
"No. You are fine just the way you are Xavier." The voice responded.
"He doesn't like me." Xavier said, getting out his toothbrush.
"It really takes it's toll. I think about it so much. Maybe if I were different he'd like me, treat me like I am normal. I wish I was normal." Xavier finished brushing his hair and left to go get dressed for school. He was in his second last year of school. He was scared. Life was moving to quickly for the boy. He wasn't ready.
"Black jacket." The voice suggested.
"You think?" He replied, holding up the black hoodie to his body.
"Come on Xavier! We are going to be late!" His mother called from downstairs. He put on the jacket and went downstairs equipped with all his school essentials.
"Have this apple, let's start to drive." His mother chucked him an apple which he skillfully caught before they both entered the car.
"Where's dad?" Xavier asked quietly as he munched on the apple, which quickly filled him up. His stomach was small, it had to be if Xavier would skip meals often.
"Oh, he had to go to work, early." She said. Xavier noticed something. Her voice. She never seemed so upset to talk about her husband. Xavier decided not to question anything but deep inside him, he could see the hurt and anger radiating from her chest.
Minutes later, Xavier's mother broke the silence.
"We are here." She said. Stopping the car.
Xavier got out. Slightly eager to meet new people but terrified of the potential rejection and new set of bullies. He waved his mother goodbye and watched her drive away.
An uneasy feeling hit Xavier right in the stomach.
'This isn't going to be easy'
'They are not going to want to interact with you.'
'I really don't need you right now.'
Xavier put his hoodie over his head and entered the school grounds. Random people stared, they whispered. It weighed him down. He had no idea where he was going, people going left and right, he needed some space to breathe. He wanted to ask someone where the bathroom was, but he didn't want to talk. Xavier checked his watch.
"8:10am." He said.
"You have like 30 minutes before class." The voice responded.
With that, Xavier put his earphones in and looked for the bathroom.
In the middle of a song, Xavier's earphones were teared from his ears. He looked up to see a tough face. One very much different to his own small and delicate features. This man's face looked rugged and handsome on the surface, but under the surface, his scars revealed darkness and pure evil, like he had no soul.
"So..." The rough looking guy asked, quite sternly. It made Xavier blush.
'What does he want?' Xavier asked himself.
"What?" Xavier softly responded to him.
"Look on the fucking ground!" The guy gestured towards the floor.
I looked to the ground and was greeted by my scattered books.Why didn't I notice this sooner?"Sorry." I whispered, both to the boy and myself."Sorry is not going to make the books magically appear in my fucking arms again, for Christ's sake, pick 'em up!" He demanded and he was right. It was my fault. I got to the floor and started picking up the books. Being on all fours, my knees hard against the dirty school floor was demoralising.'Dumb and blind.'I looked back up. There was something about the boy I liked. His jawline, it was captivating. A solid line from his ear, around his rounded cheeks down to his perfect chin.Stop Xavier. Be normal."Stop looking at me you freak pick up the books!" He yelled ringing my ears. Funnily enough his features didn’t seem so attractive anymore."Here." I say,
I run out of the class. The halls are empty. I can feel myself breaking down. I can't handle being late again."Fuck." I curse. My tears threaten to escape my eyes. Hot tears boil in the corner of my eyes. I have biology next. It's not the thought of missing out and being punished by the teachers that is scaring me. It's my parents."Control yourself. You will be fine." The voice says.'No he won't. Xavier you are hopeless. Just drop out of school.'"I need to calm down." I say. I decide to skip biology. I need to take a breather. I walk outside. It's so isolated."If he finds out. He's going to kill you." The voice says."I know. But let's not think of that now. I can't think...I miss my brothers and my sister.""Yeah. We all miss them.""Why couldn'thedie instead of them!?" I yell.
Stay?What was that supposed to mean?The colour of the writing really made me curious. It was very red. Almost like blood.No. No. It can't be blood. I thought to myself. The bell rang, which brought me out of my thoughts. I kept this paper. I thought about the other one.Are they clues?But why would someone give me clues? No one really knows me here.I decide to fetch the other note out of the bin."What the fuck? What are you doing you hobo?" A booming voice comes from behind me. I look up and see it's the same guy from earlier, but this time, he had a gang.I couldn't speak. His mere presence would make me feel like a thread was being sewn between my lips, painfully closing them."Well?" He stood there awaiting my response."Don't you have a class to go to?" I asked.
I arrived home and knocked on the door."Hello Xavier." My mother answered the door."Hi." I say as I walked in."Well, how was school? Did you settle in?" She asked.I grab a chip packet and sit down at the table.'Well I was intimidated by this guy named Shawn and then I kind of fell for this really cute boy with the most unique hair and engaging eyes, but I didn't make any friends, that was my day.'But instead I said."It was fine.""Oh okay, that's good. Your father said he will be coming home a bit late."Silence filled the house. It was awkward at first, but I tried to zone out to ignore the awkwardness."I'm going to do homework now." I say, getting up and putting the chip packet in the bin."Okay, bye sweetheart."I climb the
I immediately regret everything I just said. Waves of heat flush through me and fill up every space in my body."You feel like you are being judged?" My father put down his briefcase and stepped closer to the table.I felt overwhelmed. Like walls closing in on my tiny and immobilised body. I was trapped and just wanted to escape."Please don't do this, come on." My mother said."No!" he snaps his head to my mother, his eyes burning into hers. He slyly turns his head towards me.“He needs to know what is right and wrong.” Quietly, the words escaped from his mouth and pierced into my heart.What is right and wrong? What doesn't he understand? I'm fine the way I am. Aren't I?"Now, tell me what you were saying to your mother!" With each word he slammed his hand down on the table, causing me to flinch.Should I tell him?
'Beep, Beep, Beep'I wake up. I can't wait to go to school today, only because of the blue-haired boy. He's been on my mind since last night. He even haunted my dreams. His skin I crave, his soul too."Xavier! Let's go!" I heard my mother yell from downstairs.I feel a bit awkward around my family because of last's night bout. Like there is a screen hanging above my head showing my father screaming at me to everyone who sees.I was confused at her tone of voice. Why was she telling me to hurry up? I just got up."I have to go to work Xavier!"Work? She never has been to work since she had children. I stumble out of bed puzzled. Maybe if I get to school early, I might see the boy. I skip my shower and quickly get clothes on."Oh no." I wince as the sleeve of my shirt brushes on top of the cut. The pain reminds my lapse I had last night. A permanent reminder
"Who's he?" I asked, I blink as my eyes dart from my desk to the door in a nervous matter.I then scanned her face, she seemed scared almost. Who can scare a person this much? She was about to speak, but she looked at the door and quickly walked way.I looked at the entrance.The hair.It was him.He was in my psychology class.Oh fuck. How am I supposed to concentrate now?He walked towards me.Why was he coming towards me?Everyone looked scared. Some avoided him completely whilst others jumped from him to their desks, and others were just caught, like a deer in headlights.Was it him that sits here? Is that why he heading my way?Oh crap. I quickly got my things, ignoring the tremendous pain travelling up my arm. I pushed myself of the seat about to move to another table.<
Crap. Please go away Cole. I don't want you to see it. I don't want you to see me in my damaged form. I want you to see me as perfect and normal. "Do you want me to fix it?" He asks, looking very worried. It made me feel selfish. Like I was wasting his time. He has friends, he doesn't want to spend time with me."Just go away. It's fine." I say a little too curt, causing him to raise suspicion. "I don't think it is." He spits. My breath hitched. I noticed hurt and anger laced in his tone."Cole, just go! Please." I can feel my eyes start to burn and an uncomfortable lump in my throat forms. I need to get away from him. Sorry Cole.I grab my books and quickly run away, out of the classroom, ignoring my name being called by him. I run straight to the bathroom and put the same chair up against the door. Run, run, run. That is all I am good for. "Why did you run away?" The voice asked."I don't know." I replied knowing full well, that I ran because I was scared. Scared of him seeing me