Chapter 4

Autumn

I end up between Luke and Benedict, who take their seats first, leaving a space between them very noticeably.

Their dad is squeezed in on Benedict’s other side. Elijah is on the other side of the table, putting Raymond in the middle between him and Rhiannon. And as usual, my parents sit at the heads of the table.

Mom is still chattering, going back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room, bringing out plates of food that smell distractingly good. There’s roast chicken with lemon and rosemary, and a big platter of buttery potatoes.

Rolls and green beans and a dish of glazed carrots. It’s funny because Mom only cooks like this for guests.

She catches me looking at the food and gives me a look, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from rolling my eyes. It’s like she thinks I’m going to launch myself across the table to get to the potatoes before they’re even served.

There’s just nothing else to focus on that’s not steeped in awkwardness. What am I supposed to do, stare at Raymond and Rhiannon who are whispering into each other’s ears across the table.

I glance over at my dad, sitting quietly at his end of the table. He seems content to watch everyone else, and I smile at him when he glances my way.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hey, Tum Tum,” he says, smiling back. “How’s the bakery? Everything good?”

I nod. “Yeah, everything’s really good. Busy because of the season, but you know⁠—”

“Joe,” Mom cuts in, cutting me off. “Help me bring the drinks out, please.”

The please is ornamental, of course.

Dad clears his throat and nods, getting up to help her.

Business as usual then.

That just leaves me with the awkward feeling of sitting between Luke and Benedict, who seem to be intently pretending no one else at the table exists.

But it feels rude to just sit here and not say anything, so I turn my smile to Luke. “So,” I say, going for polite warmth. “How have you been?”

He looks at me, and I feel caught suddenly in the intensity of his hazel eyes. This close I can pick out the blend of greens and browns in them, and they’re really quite beautiful.

Of course, he’s so stoic that it’s impossible to tell if he’s annoyed with me for talking to him or grateful for a break in the silence.

Before Luke can answer, Raymond snorts, cutting in. “I can answer that for you, Autumn,” he says.

“Luke’s been living like a hermit in his cabin in the middle of nowhere. End of story.”

Next to me, Benedict snorts softly. But Luke hears it, and that focused gaze lands on him immediately.

“Bold of you to mock someone who actually has a home, Benedict,” he says, his voice deep and rough around the edges. “When’s the last time you were in one place for longer than a few weeks?”

There’s an edge to the question, and I look at Benedict, gauging his reaction. His stare is every bit as intense as his brother’s, and he gives a tight smile back. “Well,” he says. “It’s not like I have anything to keep me anywhere, is it?”

Luke and Benedict stare each other down, and I start to feel incredibly uncomfortable being caught between them like this. Whatever happened between the three of them, it’s clearly something big. Something that has all of them feeling bitter and mad.

Elijah doesn’t say anything, and eventually the conversation at the table moves on. Mom and Dad come back in with drinks, pouring water and wine for everyone.

Platters start to get passed around the table, and I fill my plate with a modest amount of food, not glancing at my mother to see whatever expression is on her face. Maybe she’ll be too busy doting on her favorite daughter to pay attention to me for once.

As I eat, I can’t help glancing at all three of the older Sullivan brothers in turn. When we were younger, I knew them pretty well. Our families were close, and I saw them all the time. But they’re all so different now.

They seem harder than they did then, like losing their mother and whatever else happened between them was rough enough to sharpen all their edges to hurt.

They’ve always been handsome, but now there’s something imposing and intense about them all that makes my stomach flutter. Each of them has their own style, their own personality, and while the tension makes me nervous, I can’t deny that their intensity is very intriguing.

But I do feel bad about how strained things are. I remember the three of them being really close back in the day.

“…do you, Autumn?”

I jump when I hear my name and glance up to see Raymond looking at me. He’s buttering a roll, one eyebrow arched. It’s funny, how different he is from his brothers. Where they all have something of a ruggedness to them, even straight backed Elijah, Raymond is much more clean cut.

He’s as effortlessly handsome as his brothers, but more in a corporate model kind of way. He wears his charm on his sleeve and always seems put together, no matter the situation.

“Sorry, what?” I ask, hating that I’m making it clear I was zoned out.

His lips twist in an amused smile.

“Off in your own little world?”

“I just have a lot on my mind. What did you say?”

He clears his throat. “I was saying that we had a last minute RSVP from one of my cousins. We didn’t think he was going to be able to make it, but he changed some things around, so he can fly in.”

I blink, not sure what that has to do with me. “That’s… good?”

“It is. But it sort of skews the guest list, so we’re going to have to compensate. You don’t mind if we take away your plus one, right? It’s not like you were going to bring anyone anyway.”

My cheeks flame as every eye at the table turns to me. Of course I’m the one they want to punish for this. Of course they wouldn’t just tell this cousin that he missed the RSVP date and move on.

The plus one on my invite has been staring me in the face like a beacon since I got it, and I’ve been warring with the humiliation of showing up to my sister and ex’s wedding alone versus the hassle of trying to find someone to go with.

I haven’t even had time to think about it.

But it’s the principle of the thing and that fact that I don’t want to look weak and chronically lonely in front of the man who broke my heart.

“I, um—” I stammer. “I was actually going to bring someone.”

Raymond’s eyebrows both go up at that, and now everyone is really paying attention to me. I wish I could sink through the floor. I wish I could go back in time and tell my mom that actually I can’t make it to the dinner.

“Really?” Raymond asks, skepticism in his voice. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

I swallow hard, but I’m in too deep to back out now. “It’s pretty new,” I reply, lying through my teeth.

“But it’s going really well.” I plaster on a smile, willing it to seem real and not at all forced. It’s my customer service smile, and I hope it works on ex boyfriends the same way it works on rude people who can’t read at the bakery.

Raymond narrows his eyes, and I hold my breath. “Who is it? Someone from town?”

My stomach twists. This, this is the problem with lying. Now I have to make up some person who doesn’t exist and then try to find someone who fits that bill to come to the wedding.

Because Raymond’s not going to let it go, and now Rhiannon is looking like she’s hungry for details, and Mom is torn between surprise and skepticism.

I have no idea what to say, but before I can even start to formulate words, not one, not two, but three voices suddenly speak up in unison, saying, “Me.”