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Everything is a mess
publish date:
2026-02-14 21:17:42
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A TASTE OF SIN Want to understand him
I woke up to the uncomfortable feeling of my stockings pressing against my stomach and my dress riding up. I pulled it down with my eyes shut only to realize I was alone in Felix' bed.I looked at the door, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.It was closed, but I could hear the vacuum cleaner on. Desperate to get those scratchy stockings off, I got out of bed and walked to the closet. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I felt a pounding headache.Gotta go easy on the booze next time, Blair.I opened my drawer to retrieve a hoodie and leggings.When I opened it, my heart thumped at the sight of my necklace resting neatly over my soft t-shirts. I had wondered what Felix had done to it after I took it off in that lecture hall, and now I had the answer.He knew I'd come back to him. Why else would he keep not only the necklace but also my clothes?I put the necklace on, putting on a crewneck instead of a hoodie to show it off to Felix. I wanted him to know I wasn't angry anymore.After I got
A TASTE OF SIN I want you
"Tell me something, isn't a relationship made up of two people?" I asked, trying to sound casual. I waited for him to reply. He simply nodded. "Good. Aren't both partners supposed to contribute fifty fifty?" He nodded again. "Good. Isn't communication one of the most important things in a relationship?"He gave me a half smile. "Did your therapist tell you that?"There was no malice in his voice so I answered honesty."Yeah."He sighed and turned off the water. "He's right."He placed his hands on the edge of the counter, shaking his head. "I knew I was hurting you on purpose. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away from you, but you already know that. I tried letting you go slowly so it wouldn't hurt so much, but clearly that didn't work."I was dead silent as he opened up to me. I didn't want to miss a single word."I sound like a fucking coward saying this, maybe I am a coward deep down, but every day when I came home I felt so bad, like proper bad. Work was the only
A TASTE OF SIN Going to help you
"It's alright Felix, I believe you, it's alright," I said, lifting his head upwards to look at me. "I know exactly how you feel."He shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "Don't equate what I'm feeling to what you went through Blair, it's not even comparable."There was silence. I didn't know what else to say to him."Oh God, why do I feel like this?" He sighed, covering his face with his hands. "Why can't I just… talk to you properly for goodness’ sake?!"He was getting more emotional by the second, so in an attempt to calm him down, I pulled him into a steady, grounding hug, resting my head on his shoulder. When he finally calmed down and started running his hand slowly along my back in a comforting, friendly way, I whispered:"I know what's going to help you. Can you lend me your laptop please?"He shot me an inquisitive look as I stepped back, but he complied nonetheless. I took a seat at the dining table as I waited for him to pull out his laptop from his work suitcase."I'm go
A TASTE OF SIN Caused everything
"After reading all this, my greatest hope isn't that our relationship goes back to how it used to. I want us to evolve and learn from our mistakes and actions. Before telling you about my past I lived in denial. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried not to see the lonely and naïve sixteen year old boy that I was, but not anymore.I don't want to hide that part of myself because, in the midst of hell, I found a bottomless well of strength. I want you to look at me and not see a fragile, damaged, innocent boy: I want you to see the strength I have in me and not doubt it. I understand this might be difficult for you, which is nothing more than a testament of the care and concern you have for me, but I need you to know this Felix: I will impatiently (albeit respectfully) count the days until you finally realize I'm not a porcelain doll, that you can touch me, that you can surprise me, that you can fantasize about me, that you can tie me down and blindfold me and pinch me and paint me
A TASTE OF SIN Messed up
“Harder?” he asked, shifting my leg slightly.“Yes,” I said, my voice low, letting the closeness between us speak for itself.He adjusted me, his touch careful yet insistent. The heat between us was undeniable, every movement sending little shocks through me. I kept a hand on his shoulder, letting the other run through his damp hair, brushing it back from his forehead. As I did, I noticed a streak of green paint on his cheek from earlier. I gently wiped it away, and it brought back a memory of that strange, chaotic afternoon when we had laughed over similar messes.“Were you painting on Wednesday when you were… distracted?” I asked, keeping my tone light, though there was curiosity in my voice.He froze for a second, then tightened his hold on me, guiding me closer—but he didn’t answer. My chest pressed against him, and I could feel the sudden shift in his energy. My heart skipped a beat.“I want to see your paintings, Felix,” I said softly, leaning into him. “You don’t have to be emb
A TASTE OF SIN Feeling tense
As we ate, I listened to Blair attentively as he told me about himself and his life prior to Durham. It was surreal how I had never really asked him some basic questions before getting intimate with him. That was a testament to the undeniable attraction we had for one another, because we completely skipped the small talk stage.That and also the fact that we had never gone on an actual date, the type normal people go on when they don't have to keep their involvement a secret.As he spoke, detailing his short-lived time in France, an unsettling thought crept over me, but I chose to push it down. What was I doing? Why was I asking all these questions when I wasn't sure what I wanted with him? It wasn't as if we'd ever have a normal relationship, so why was I feeding that idea and hope?I pushed those thoughts aside for now. I didn't care about the consequences, I just wanted him, all of him, his body, his person, his history. Besides, I was extremely curious about the boy who had comple
A TASTE OF SIN Don't tell her
Hudson’s eyes flicked to mine, sharp and questioning, but he stayed silent, thumb still lazily tracing circles over my hip like he was trying to keep me grounded.I swallowed hard, the taste of him still thick on my tongue, and forced my voice steadier this time.“Yeah, sorry—got held up. One of th
Last Updated : 2026-04-03A TASTE OF SIN The argument between the couple
The next couple of days were weird. You're probably thinking that Hudson has been doing more crazy things to me, but that's not it. He's barely even acknowledged that I existed. Yes I went for the practice and met in locker rooms, talked about the game but even then, it wasn't a stimulating convers
Last Updated : 2026-03-24A TASTE OF SIN Can’t be friends
“What the hell was that, Corbett?” I snarled, my voice low and venomous. “Huh? Did I hit a nerve? Was I annoying you? Answer me.”The blonde brute animalistically growled at me. Hudson said a round of swears before trying to push us apart. "Shut the Hell up, Carter!" So I was back to a last name ba
Last Updated : 2026-03-20A TASTE OF SIN Annoying as usual
I trudged down the thin corridors of my high school earlier than usual, back arched and shoulders sunken.Although I was getting more and more fed up with this week, yesterday with the hung over was my tipping point. I was slipping from the thin balance beam, and I was probably going to plummet to
Last Updated : 2026-03-18
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