Shattered

Gabriella Point of View.

I always thought Betrayal would come with warning signs.

Maybe a missed glance, a guilty smile, a crack in the perfect image we painted for the world, or a heavy rain that would scatter a lot of things and set like a warning. But nothing, nothing, was shown. Everything seemed like a picture perfect.

"To new beginnings," I said, lifting my glass with a soft, tired smile.

I have been busy preparing for Lila, my best friend's surprise dinner date and now I am weak. Lila beamed at me across the table, one hand curve on her belly. I couldn't help but smile wider, my chest tight with joy and a little bitterness, perhaps.

For three years I have been wishing for a pregnancy but then, God decided to give it to my best friend, it's not a bad thing right? I was happy for her, seeing that she looked radiant. Glowing in a way I hadn't seen in years…since before the string of jobs list, the tearful phone calls, the night she showed up at our doorstep with everything she owned into a suitcase.

Believe me, I was torn to agree to that type of arrangement. I had told Ethan, my husband, that it would be best if we got an apartment for her but he insisted that it wouldn't be nice monitoring her. What if she go ahead and commit suicide. I honestly was tongue tied at that moment.

Ethan clinked his glass against mine, then Lila’s. His touch met with her hand just a second too long. I didn’t notice it then. I only registered the way his face softened when he looked at her, like she was a fragile piece of glass he was terrified of breaking.

I thought it was kindness anyway.

“So,” I cleared my throat. “You know I am pissed with you, Lila. Hiding things away from me, why?” I asked and she made her hand towards my hand but I immediately withdrew, rolling my eyes at her.

“Oh, please. You don't get to bribe me with your touch. I mean, living on the same roof as mine and I don't even know your man? Really? Is that it now?”

She coughed, bringing out a warm smile as her gaze traveled to Ethan's own.

“I am honestly speechless right now. I am sorry I can't help you out on this one, Lila. Sort yourself out because I don't even know the father of the child but we all need to be happy.”

Oh God, I thought all of this would be at least real, right?

“I am sorry, Ella. I kept it a secret because I wanted to surprise you all. And in between, I would like to thank the both of you for your accommodat….”

“No…..” I interrupted immediately. “We don't do that here. Get to the point and let us know the man.”

She smiled, clearing her throat. “He is planning on visiting us any moment from tomorrow.”

After dinner, I insisted on doing the dishes alone, waving Lila toward the living room where she could put her feet up.

"I’ll just be a minute!" I called as I turned on the faucet, letting the warm water rush over my hands, drowning out the faint murmurs from the other room.

Until a voice sliced through it.

"I told you this was getting too complicated," Ethan hissed.

I froze, a plate slipping in my soapy grip and shattering against the stainless steel sink.

"You promised," Lila shot back, her voice sharp and trembling. "You said you'd leave her before…….before this got out of hand. I don't like what you are doing."

I set the plate down carefully. My hands were shaking.

Maybe I misheard. Maybe they were talking about something else.

Some impossible, reasonable explanation was waiting around the corner.

I moved quietly toward the kitchen doorway, my bare feet silent on the floor. The voices grew louder.

"You getting pregnant wasn’t part of the plan," Ethan snapped. "You were supposed to be careful."

"I didn't do this on purpose, Ethan," Lila spat. "You think I wanted to be the one hiding in the goddamn guest room, pretending to be some pathetic charity case while you played the perfect husband?"

Every word that landed felt like a hammer to my chest and my heart pounded loudly that I could feel it.

"No one made you stay," he said. "You chose this. You……"

"I chose you!" she cried. "I chose you over everything! And now you're acting like I’m some... inconvenience?"

And suddenly the room felt too big in front of me. My knees trembled and my back pressed against the wall, needing something, anything to hold me up.

"I can't divorce her now," Ethan muttered. "It would ruin me. It would ruin everything. My image, my business... Christ, Gabriella would take me for everything I have. Most of what we are using now is because of her. I just can't."

Gabriella. Me.

I swallowed against the rising nausea clawing up my throat.

"And the baby?" Lila asked, her voice cracking. "What about our baby?"

Ethan exhaled harshly. "We’ll figure something out. But you have to keep quiet. Tell her your husband can't come up here because he has something to do. You have to—"

I stepped into the room. I had gotten enough of what I wanted. But I still can't ignore the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.

Lila's face paled. her hands flying protectively to her stomach.

Ethan’s mouth opened, then closed, like a man drowning in words he couldn’t form.

I stared at them…..at the man I married, the woman I called sister ... .and felt nothing but void in me. I didn't scream, I couldn't. I didn't cry but I was crumbling inside of me and all I had to do to hold myself up was to become cold. Ice.

"Get. Out," I said.

Lila took a step forward. "Gabby, please….."

"Out." I didn’t raise my voice. I didn’t need to.

Ethan moved first. Always a coward. He grabbed his keys from the counter, shooting me a look that was half-broken, before brushing past me without a word.

Lila hesitated.

Tears welled up in her eyes, and for one stupid, detached moment, I marveled at her audacity. She was crying?

"I never meant for this to happen," she whispered.

I lowered my head, studying her. This woman I had once shared secrets with under bed sheets at midnight, laughing about boys and dreams that now seemed so small.

"You meant it every time you crawled into my husband's bed," I said quietly. "You meant it every time you lied to my face. I took you in, Lila. I feed you for the past 3 years of my marriage. And it all just started to click in my head. You didn't even call me or consultk me that you were in need of my help because you knew what you wanted. You wanted to be with my man! You are a slut!"

Her lip trembled and she made her hands towards me but I shot her a glare.

“You wouldn't dare!”

Finally, she turned and fled, the front door slamming behind her.

I didn’t know how long I stood there.

Slowly, I walked to the dining table and blew out the candles, one by one, until I was in darkness.

I laughed out bitterly, the tears I was holding finally slipping freely. “She is pregnant and…..what about me?”