로그인Seven years into my marriage to Sebastian, we had our first child. On Logan's first birthday party, one of the old friends Sebastian had known since prep school rattled a little velvet cup of dice in Logan's face and laughed. "Come on, Mrs. Forsythe, humor us. Let the birthday boy roll. A game. For old times' sake." Logan giggled and slapped at the cup. "If he rolls a six," the groomsman went on, grinning sideways at Sebastian, "Sebastian goes and picks Serena up from the airport tonight. Deal?" The moment I heard her name, my blood went cold. I turned to Sebastian. He'd been keeping in touch with her behind my back. All this time. He caught my eyes. He covered my shaking fingers with his and frowned slightly. "Don't be jealous over nothing. We're all friends. It's just a ride from the airport." And then, without quite meaning to, he nodded. Permission given. Logan laughed and opened his little fist. The dice clattered across the linen. A six. "That's fate!" someone whooped. "Serena's flight lands in two hours. You'll make it!" The room erupted. Glasses up. Backs slapped. Sebastian surrounded. His face softened and he turned and went for the door. Watching his back disappear through that door, I didn't do what I used to do. This seven-year bet of mine — I had lost it, completely.
더 보기Three days after he died, his lawyer found me.The lawyer brought a thick folder, and a little boy.Logan."Ms. Pemberton. This is Mr. Forsythe's final will."He slid the folder across the table toward me."Everything left in his personal trust — everything that wasn't liquidated — goes to his son, Logan Forsythe.""And he named you as Logan's sole legal guardian."I looked at the tight, uneven signature at the bottom of the will.I could picture how badly his hand had been shaking when he signed it."Did he leave a message?"I asked.The lawyer shook his head."Only one thing. 'Once the boy is with her, I can rest.'"I looked down at the boy pressed against my coat.He didn't fully understand what death meant yet.He was clutching the hem of my coat, eyes wide with unfamiliar-place fear."Mommy."He said it small.I sighed. I crouched down and pulled him into my arms."It's okay, Logan. Mommy's here."I signed the stack of legal paperwork.I took custody of Logan, and of the trust tha
I exposed the long, vicious scar that ran almost all the way across my throat.Then I pushed both sleeves up and laid my arms flat on the table.Pale skin. A grid of old wounds — some deep, some shallow, none of them forgotten.His pupils blew wide.He stared at them. His breath started coming fast and shallow."Nora—"He reached toward me, shaking, and stopped himself halfway."Two suicide attempts.""Once with pills. Once with a blade.""Three full years of severe postpartum depression. Every single day, I was trying to figure out how to die."I watched his face come apart and kept going."I was on high doses of psychiatric medication for years. My body never recovered."I looked him dead in the eye and dropped the last one."The doctors told me I'll never be able to have another child. Ever."He slumped back in his chair like his strings had been cut."No — how — "He covered his face with his hands. A small, strangled sound came out of him."What kind of pardon is big enough to cov
After that, he stopped camping outside my building.But he kept engineering chances to put me in the same room with Logan.The next time I saw Logan was six months later, on a weekend.He'd been flying a kite on the main lawn. The string had snapped and the kite had lodged in a tree.Logan could say "Mommy" clearly now.He ran over on short legs and looked up at me."Mommy, the kite flew away."I crouched down and touched his hair.Sebastian came up from a little further off with a bottle of water in his hand.He looked at me, and in his eyes was a suffocating amount of hope."Nora."His voice was scratchy."In another two years, Logan starts preschool."He crouched to match me. Tried to catch my eyes."If you never turn up to a single parent-child event—"He paused on purpose, and his voice took on a faintly moralizing edge."Are you really going to call yourself a mother?"I looked at him. I didn't answer for a while.The wind moved a few dry leaves around."I know I'm not a good mot
I stopped. I turned around.Sebastian was standing in the shadow of a gold-leafed ginkgo, a few yards off.He'd lost weight. His eyes were sunken, stubble shadowing his jaw.He looked like someone who'd been sleeping on park benches.And by his knee — a small boy in overalls."Mommy."The little one said it, uncertain.Something in my chest clenched hard.It was Logan.I started forward, smiling before I could stop myself, reaching for him.And then my eyes skipped up to the man standing behind him.The smile died. My face went cold.I stopped a step short. I didn't reach out."What are you doing here?"There was no warmth left in my voice.Sebastian's eyes went red instantly."Nora. I finally found you."He stepped forward with his hand out, trying to take mine.I pulled back like he was something diseased."Don't touch me. It makes me sick."His hand hung in the air. The look on his face was like it was actively breaking apart."Nora. I'm sorry. I know I was wrong."His voice had cra












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