Loath
Days passed like a blur.
It's been weeks since something happened between me and Claus and all I did was to reminisce every bit of it like it just happened yesterday. I can't seem to forget it.
I badly want to talk to Claus. But...what if he doesn't remember, right? Because he was too drunk that night and I doubt if he can remember every piece of what happened to us.
Shit!
I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do anymore, and I feel like I can't face my twin just the same knowing that I had sex with her fiancee!
"Tomorrow will be a busy day, Trin. We have a tight schedule so it's better if you rest first."
I sighed. "It's okay Miya. I'm used to it."
"No. You're going to go home to your condo early and rest. I don't want you to be in the middle of the shoot and space out like a mad girl again. " I sighed again. I didn't complain anymore because I feel like I didn't have enough energy to fight with this girl. She's as hardheaded as me.
The service van brought me to my condo. I didn't brought my car because Miya didn't want to let me drive. She said that I should avoid driving for now, especially that I've been spacing out a lot these past few days.
I know that she feels it already. She could smell something was wrong but she never forced me to talk about it. And that's one of the reasons why I like her. She just waits whenever I feel comfortable of spitting up the things that are bothering me.
When I arrived, I immediately got off the van after thanking the driver. I was glad that it wasn't a long drive at all.
I return a small smile to those who greeted me as I enter. I can't seem to smile genuinely especially when I'm thinking a lot.
I entered my condo's pass code before going inside.
The familiar feeling of 'home' hit me. Eversince I decided to live on my own, this has been the witness of my silent battles. I am alone, but this is what I call home. Because I never felt welcome in our house back then. I feel like I was a prisoner...with no chance to escape, and I can't help but to be thankful that I already did it. I escaped. With the help of myself.
My eyes slowly drifted to the living room.
I let out a gasp of surprise when I saw someone sitting on my single sofa. My heart thumped loudly inside as I made my way to him. He was just staring at me coldly. Like, I was nothing but a stranger in his eyes.
I felt bitter.
Stranger. Yes. That's what we are now.
"C-Claus, it's a surprise to see you here." How did you know my pass code? I want to add but I stopped myself. Of course he has ways. He always has ways.
"N-did you wait for too long? U-uhm, w-what do you want? Coffee or—"
"Nothing." He spat out coldly, cutting my sentence off. I swallowed and smiled slightly at him. "Tell me, did something happen between us in this filthy place?" I blinked a few times and backed away slightly. He spat out those words like he was disgusted to be even here...or more like, disgusted of me.
I got even weaker.
"Answer me, b-tch!" I closed my eyes tightly when I heard his loud angry shout. He stood up from his seat as if he was ready to attack me if I answer him wrongly.
B-tch...
I laughed inwardly inside my head. I should get used to it. I should get used to that word because he's not the first person to call me that at all. But why is that? The pain is tripled when he's the one saying it.
"Answer me before I do anything to you!" I gasped for an air. He will not think twice now to hurt me!
"Y-yes...S-something happened between us." I tried to act brave and spoke to him while staring into his ash gray eyes but I couldn't handle it. All I can see is his eyes are pure disgust and anger towards me.
"F-ck!" He violently kicked the coffee table in front. His eyes were coated with so much loath as he looked at me. "How did I f-cking end up here?! Did you f-cking drugged me, huh?!" He shouted angrily and rushed to come in front of me. I screamed painfully when he held my collar.
F-fuck!
He is really going to hurt me! And that fucking hurts me even more! The fact that he's willing to hurt me physically feels like sh-t.
"F-ck! You took advantage of my drunken state, you b-tch! You are really a f-cking bitch and I loathe you more for doing this shit to me!" He screamed at my face. I couldn't do anything but to look down while crying. I didn't even realize I was already crying until he lifted me up a bit, holding my collar like his dear life depends on it.
I tried to pry his hands away but he was too strong. So, I just let him. I let him do the things that he wanted to do. Even though I know that I don't deserve it at all.
"You know I am in a relationship with your twin but f-ck! You still f-cking—!" He let go of me violently. With no strength enough for me to stand up, I collapsed on the floor.
I saw him kick my sofa angrily.
"B-tch! You f-cking b-tch! If Beatriz finds out about this and our relationship will go down because of you, you are f-cking dead Beautrin. Just wrap yourself up with your own coffin now because I will not freaking forgive you if Beatriz finds out!"
I cried even more. I cried not because of how he can physically hurt me for my twin, but because of the fact that it's really gone...
He really has no love left for me... Not even a little bit. I was wishing for a little...but I fell hard because he doesn't feel anything to me now. I am no one but a twin sister of his lover.
"I f-cking loath you! Don't ever show your face to me ever again! Just please, Beautrin. Don't disturb Beatriz and me because no matter what happen...I will never come back to you."
Ring"Your mother called," Miya showed me her phone. I raised my brow at her. "You're coming to the dinner later? With your family and the Monteserio's?"Monteserio. I shook my head. There's no way in hell that I will dine with that f-cking family."Tell her I'm busy." I coldly said. Miya doubtfully looked at me. I know she is confused as to why I declined the invitation."Are you sure?" She taunted with a grimace on her face. Clearly not sure of what I said. She knows that I am slave to my own parents. I sighed and nodded before lying on my bed. I took a break for work. I don't know how long it should be, but I know that this would really take longer. Or I can't even call this a break. I just want to rest. "It's your Mom, Trin." Miya said while looking at me. I just raised my brow again. And if it's Mom? What should I do? Nothing. I don't want to face any of them because I don't want to be more stressed.They will invite me for dinner and what? Embarrass me in front of everyone. T
TruthBefore the two, Tammy and Miya, could return to our table, I immediately fixed myself. I plastered my smile while they were approaching. The two are still glaring at each other which made me laugh a little bit. "My God, Tamia! She looks like a fool while dancing in front! Not even on beat. It's embarrassing." Miya said with a frown on her face before sitting next to me."Shut up. You're trying your hard in pretending that you're demure, but it's obvious from your face that you're not. It's a bar, so I'm probably going to dance. And no one should care whether I'm on the beat or not." Tamia took a sip of the vodka she was holding. I just shook my head, a small smile on my lips is clear. Seeing both of them makes me happy. They are one of my allies who truly love and care for me. They were there when I needed them the most. They are here, by my side, when the world's turning its back against me. They are the ones who stayed. And seeing them, with me, makes my heart warm. I wasn'
Shoot"I don't know what's happening to you anymore, Beautrin! Your twin wanted you to join us for dinner but you keep on declining! Don't embarrass us with the Monteserios, Beautrin!"Early in the morning and Mom's call immediately ruined my day."Get it right Beautrin! We didn't raise you to be rude!" I bit my lower lip, slightly rolling my eyes heavenwards. Mom is really confident in saying that they didn't raise me to be rude, when they weren't there when I was growing up in the first place. I raised myself! That's the right thing to say because from the very beginning, they didn't give me any attention unless it's Beatriz."I'm busy." I coldly promise. I yawned before getting out of bed."Busy!" she scoffed on the other line. I can almost see how disgusted her looks are right now. "Busy with what?! With your stupid work?!"Stupid. Wow. Easy for her to say that I've chosen something stupid. Am I really their child?When I couldn't stand her scolding voice, I immediately hung up. I
Party"Shot!"Instead of going straight to the coffee shop, we ended up inside a bar. It's called Catastrophe. This is a place where the rich people usually go. Most of the customers here are elites and those who have a say in the society. Let's say a name. A high profiled name. "Why don't you drink?" Fabio gave me the glass with just a drink but I shook my head. "You don't drink?" he slightly raised his brow at me. He was sitting on my left while Miya was on my right. We are facing the Coleridge brothers, the owner of Devil's Glass, the liquor that I am currently modeling with Xander, Brandon, and Fabio. Xander and Brandon aren't here. They said they had something to do now so they didn't come with us."I drink, but just not now. I don't feel like doing it right now." I said with a smile. Fabio is actually a gentleman. Well, he's a little bit flirty but tolerable. I think that it's just really his nature. It's his thing. Fabio's a bit tanned and muscular. His muscles are almost bu
Dinner"I hope you feel guilty for rejecting your sister several times. She wanted you to be here for dinner and you what? Continue to reject her.""What will be my role be at the dinner, Mom, and why do I need to be there? What? To embarrass me?""You ungrateful child! Your sister is not like that! Go or-"I cut the call before turning my phone off.It's eleven in the morning, I just woke up and I can hear my good mother's voice again. Like, what the hell? Can't they let me rest for a day?I sighed deeply.Last night was what I call a nightmare. I don't want to remember all the things that Claus said because my heart hurts so much. It's like my heart is being torn apart again and again by hearing those words from his mouth. I don't even want to recall it.I was crying the whole night. It was almost morning when I completely fell asleep. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror because I expected my fac
Help"Mother Delia!" I screamed so loud when I got inside. After a while, someone came out from the kitchen. Her eyes widened as she hurriedly walked towards me. I met her halfway before hugging her."Oh... My daughter grew up beautifully..." her soft voice made me close my eyes as I hugged her so tight. I kissed the top of her hair, smelling her in the process.I miss her. I miss my home..."I miss you, Momma..." I whispered softly. I smiled a little when I felt her hug tightening around me. After a while I heard her sniffed which surprised me. I broke our hug before looking at her. She was already crying. I wiped her tears while stopping mine from falling too. Gosh!"My daughter...I miss you...""Oh gosh..." I hugged her again and kissed her head several times."I really miss my Momma too..." my mouth trembled as I spoke. I was on the verge of crying too. My chest started to tighten but I am very happy. I want to regret why I left her here. I wish I had forced her to come with me so
RegretBut do I have any choice?No."Trin! What wedding dress should I choose?!" I watched my sister as she excitedly showed me the brochure of the wedding dresses. Being here...is killing me.It's painful. What I'm doing is painful but it's okay. I can only be with my sister sometimes, will I refuse this opportunity?I sighed before smiling at her."You should choose something brighter, Triz. It will suit you better." Of course. If she's the light, then I'm the darkness. We're completely opposite. We didn't spend a lot of time together when we were kids because...I avoided her. The reason? It's mom and dad, of course. They told me not to talk to Beatriz too much because she might be influenced. I don't know what kind of influence they were talking about but as I got older, I slowly understood what they meant.The young me was confused b
Trauma"What the hell?! What happened to you?!"Miya was hysterical when she fetched me. Claus left me crying inside the car. Someone picked him up and that's just it. He left me...alone...crying.I don't think that I can even drive in my state so I called Miya. The service van took her here, which immediately left after sending Miya here."Beautrin..." she held my face and tried to wipe my tears but they were still dripping. It just won't stop falling! I've been trying! I've been trying so hard to contain my tears but it just won't budge.I could see Miya's face with intense sadness as she looked at my whole face. I know. I know that my face shows how hurt and broken I am right now. There are no enough words to describe what I am feeling right now. This is just too much for me to handle."M-Mi..." I cried louder. She did nothing else but