CHAPTER FOUR

I was too occupied with my work when my phone rang. Xavier’s calling.

I sighed as I felt my heart beat faster than usual. I felt Rica’s sudden look at me so I chose to leave the office and go to the restroom. I chose to use the floor’s restroom instead of our office because for sure Rica would ask me questions.

"Hi babe," I tried to sound excited and happy but I think it just felt wrong. It made me feel heavier.

"Hi, are you busy now?" he asked very softly. There's something in his tone that made me weak not because of excitement but because of fear.

I know this will come, but I never expected it too fast. Not now that I just talked to his father about trying to fix things up.

Since Samantha came back, I know his feelings for her came back too. And like before I am the burden and the antagonist of their story. Xavier’s father wants me for him and he doesn’t have the strength to refuse his request, that's why he couldn’t leave me. Since she came back, I don’t know where to stand. I don’t know where to place myself. If there’s a right place for me or if there is really a place for me.

I didn’t answer so he continued.

“I’ll pick you up later, okay?” he said.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

Please, please choose me.

“Hmm, okay.”

“Okay bye.” 

“Bye. I love you,” I whispered and hung up.

I stayed there for a while to calm myself. The way he talked to me, I know he’s thinking of ending us. I am not dumb, I know he still loves her, so much. And I can see how much she loves him too.

I felt more tired when I got back to the office. They’re all busy so they didn’t notice I am quiet and my mood changed more. That’s fine though, I can’t think of a good reason to tell them.

My heart hurt a lot. Honestly, I can’t think of any way to avoid it. I am scared of the truth that I don’t have anything to fight for.

How could I fight for us when he doesn’t love me?

Hours passed and the next thing I knew I was fixing my things up, time to go home.

I saw a familiar white ford in the parking lot and there I saw Xavier leaning on it while looking like he’s thinking about serious things. My steps become slow, I feel like I don’t want to go near him anymore. I’m scared of the possible result of our conversation.

I bit my lower lip to hold back the tears I've been trying to stop since earlier. And when he looked at me, I just hugged him and said that I am excited to see him here.

Hug that has a fear of the truth that there is a possibility that this would be the last. Fear of the thought that this may not happen again and that this is the end.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. I faked a laugh and nodded my head to let him know that I'm okay. I stayed hugging him for a while to hide my tears. And when I already calmed myself, I acted again to avoid the reason why he came here and wanted to talk to me.

"Glad you're free today. I missed you, we haven’t talked or seen each other for days,” I smiled at him as he opened the door for me.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. How are you?" He asked when he got in the driver's seat.

"I understand babe, you're busy. Anyways I'm fine, you?" I wanted to clap for myself for acting so good. I should have contained this act until I got home.

"Well, I guess I need to get you to date tonight. You missed me so much," he chuckled. I didn't say anything. The smile on his face was adorable. I looked at him and smiled too, he always knows how to lighten up my mood even though he is also the reason why I felt down.

"Where do you want to go, Vy?" he slightly turned to me and smiled. I relaxed myself and smiled back at him.

"Take me somewhere far and high. I want to watch the city lights under the beautiful sky, Xav."

"Okay then right away Madame," he chuckled and teased me. I just laugh and get along with his mood.

I like us better this way. We were always like this back when she’s not around. We were happy and if she didn’t come back I would think that Xavier learned to love me or at least like me. But then, we can’t be very happy all the time. Because if we can, why do I feel this way? Why do I need to push myself to someone that loves someone else?

We go to the high place where we hang out most of the time, we usually spend our time here to talk and just run away to the problems that the world and life gives us. For years that we shared, we also became each other’s good friend.

We were always there for each other through ups and downs. I am always there for him and he is always there for me too.

We sat there very quietly while looking at the city lights. I missed spending time with him.

I leaned on his shoulder, I know it was never me but why did he need to do this? Why does he have to be this way to me?

"You know you can tell me what's bothering you right?" he said after a long silence.

“I just missed you,” I whispered. He chuckled and slightly messed up my hair. I slightly tapped his hand so he’d stop.

“Our song will be releasing next week,” I didn’t say anything and just let him continue.

“Before, it was just my dream to record our band's song. Now we will be releasing it,” his voice sounds really happy. I turned to him and watched his face in silence.

“Luckily Mr. Tan’s company offered us to record our song. I think this would be the start of our band’s career,” he smiled proudly at me.

He’s very passionate about music. You can see it through his eyes. One thing that I admire about him is her determination for the things he really wanted.

“If the song is successful, for sure we will have a chance to be known in the industry.”

I nodded and smiled at him. I am truly happy for him but there’s a little pain in my heart, “You’ll be very busy,” I joked that is half-truth.

“Don’t you like that?” he asked as he looked at me.

I smiled and turned to the city lights again, “Of course not. Honestly, I am now starting to imagine how I could watch your concerts and events, I’m thinking how could I get a nice place to cheer you guys like there’s no tomorrow,” I laughed a bit and looked at him again.

He hugged me and laughed at me in a teasing way, “Do you think I would let you fall in line and wait for too long so you could have a nice place to watch us? Aren’t you so scared we’ve got so many fans?” he teased me, now resting his hand on my shoulder.

I look at the sky and laugh, “For sure you guys will have a bunch of supporters and fans,” I whispered.

I wasn’t scared of the thought that there would be many fans that will admire you, I am scared that while you were gaining admirers, there will be no little place for me in your heart. Knowing now that I only got one rival, I don’t know where to place myself. What if there would be more that will make you out of my reach anymore.