Prom has arrived. I don't have any girlfriends to go prom shopping with, and that's fine. Prom seems stupid to go to. It's not that I haven't thought about prom before. But I never imagined myself being pretty enough or worthy enough to go. Prom is for the lovely girls who get dolled up and look like models.
I'm the sexy librarian type. Sporting glasses and a romance novel while dancing is more my speed. I haven't told dad that I don't have a dress. I didn't want to give him one more thing to worry about. I've considered wearing one of mom's dresses and using her hair straightener. But, going into mom's closet will be hard because she is gone, and all the things a girl is supposed to do with their mom before prom is gone too.
The doorbell rings. It must be for dad since Jeremy is out with his mom today to have their 'come to Jesus-meeting' about her abusive boyfriends.
"Hi, Lily." It's Mrs. Norris, my old bus driver. I saw her at the funeral b
My dad was right. I needed a girls' day after all the shit that has happened over this last year—especially these last few months. I'm not a good dancer. I can't be as bad as dad. It's rumored he fell during his wedding day dance. I'm not sure I believe him since there are no photos to back up the story.Knowing mom, she would have insisted on photos being constantly clicked and taken. Every angle and every moment would have been captured. I've seen the wedding photos. There are no pictures of dad falling during his wedding dance.I hate girl shoes. They go between your feet in unnatural ways, like flip flops, and make your heels ache. Beauty is painful. We have years of human history to back that up. My mom told me about the ancient Chinese performing a foot binding on their women's feet. I didn't understand what she meant until she showed a thirteen-year-old me the pictures of tiny shoes and broken feet. After she educated me, I was terrified of wearing lady's
The following week flies by. And despite taking classes online to wrap up my senior year, I will miss Mr. Cronkwright. He will be the speaker for our high school graduation. In addition, he's been nominated to win the teacher of the year award. I am sure he will win.Our graduation gowns are black with a maroon-colored tassel. My dad has been acting emotional around me since prom ended. With one week between prom and graduation day, I can't say I blame him. This has been hard without my mom to help. It's been an adjustment for him. Her absence won't disappear overnight.I put my graduation gown on. It's a long sweaty thing. I look like a Hogwarts student. If you gave me a wand, I could teach magic in the fall. Dad has this habit of taking photos on my mother's behalf. So I promised him I would finish my high school scrapbooks in mom's place.The doorbell rings. It's Jeremy in his matching outfit. Both of his parents are with him. They've managed to set aside the
Books are oxygen for the literate. For me, there's no other way to breathe. Breathing comes naturally to living organisms. For a nerd with a perfect attendance record and zero friends, air fills my lungs, and words fill my head. I like filling my head with facts, opinions, and fanfiction. There's nothing better than reading Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings fanfics on a Friday night. Most teenage girls enjoy friends, sleepovers, and boyfriends. I'm not like them. I'm preparing for the future, for college, and for myself. I don't have time to watch the world pass me by. And that's how it goes when you're at the top of your class. Being on top is lonely, but someone must be the strongest, best, and brightest. The summer has one more lousy weekend. I'm not a fan of summer. My parents work, and we don't go on vacation. The last time we w
I crumple up the suicide note. Whether fake or serious, I need to find out who 'J. D' is. This person, whoever they are, is a mystery. The note feels warm as if it were just placed within the Lending Library. It must be my mind playing tricks on me. It couldn't have just been placed within the library. And why are all the books missing today? I can usually count on two books being on the shelf. I placed The History of Pirates novel on the library's shelf and shut the doors. The crumpled-up note finds its way into my pool bag. "Lily, you came back early. And you're soaking wet. We need to get you a bathing suit. Want to get one later this weekend." Mother, sweet Mother, how I wish you knew I had no friends and that I'm a freak. But you don't.There's no point in mentioning the KAT trio and their bullying. If I can't handle them this year, how the hell will I handle being on my own when college rolls around the corner next fall?
The first day of school is always the worst. All the assholes wait outside for the fresh 'meat' they will hit on. Braces are a superpower to keep them both away. Unfortunately, I'm not very pretty, so this first last day will be a cakewalk. "Lily, are you ready for your last-first day of school?" Mom says, coming into my room with a camera. "Jesus...woman! Can't you knock? I'm still in my bra?" I push my mom out of the door. I don't need any more embarrassing photos for the family scrapbook. My parents are dinosaurs with their libraries and photo albums. I love my kindle and praise it like a living deity. "Sorry, honey. I'm so excited and sad for you." "What are you sad about?" Crap, why did I ask? It's because I'm leaving. "You're leaving the nest in a year, and I'm sad. Who's going to hang out with me next year and watch Friday night soap operas?" Mom sobs like a baby. "Mom, it's okay. And I never watched those shows. I just
Lunch is a place of status and friends. I don't possess either of those things. My sacked lunch is in my bag, and I pull it out. As I open it, I see a handwritten note from my mother. Lily-kins,Don't forget to take the trash out when you get home. Love,Mom I throw the entire lunch away. Mother's bus photo is enough to make me skip eating altogether. Screw eating a sacked lunch, I want real food and by real food I mean go to a restaurant. I walk out of the school building unnoticed. No one seems to care that I've skipped school this morning. God only knows what I missed on the first day ofEnvironmental ScienceandBritish Literature. Since I read all the
I block my mother on all social media platforms. My Instagram account has been deleted, all thanks to Jeremy. He deleted it for me atSammy's Sub Cafe.Our friendship lasted for a day. One day of friendship, and now I miss it. Have I really deprived myself of human contact for no reason? Oh well, I will do better in college. It's only a year of loneliness, and then I will graduate at the top of my class.I wish I had a reputation to protect. But it's been destroyed by my lack of fashion and having the world's most embarrassing mother.The only friend I remember having was Maria Arby from Ashmore elementary school. Our friendship lasted for two years, from the fifth to the sixth grade. When middle school started, she got her period before I did. Her social status and popul
The peer tutoring program is starting up today. I'll need to look my best to teach the freshmen about being a model citizen. Being alone on top is hard. It would be nice to have someone to share my glories with. If Maria Arby didn't become a woman and move away, maybe we'd still be friends.Sweat rises to my pours like water gushing its way toward a waterfall. Everything aches from my head down to my toenails. As I take a deep breath, I feel the weight of mucus moving around like a motorboat. I sound like the broken wheezy toy fromToy Story 2.Mom steps into the room. With one look of concern, she declares me sick. I never get sick. I take all my vitamins and exercise as my doctor instructs me to do—only people who are stressed and worried become sick.It sucks tha