I couldn't think straight when I heard the news.
He's gone.
Halos hindi kami makagalaw ng kapatid ko dahil sa ibinalita sa amin ng mga pinsan namin. Hindi ko inakala na dito hahantong ang lahat. I thought he would wake up from comatose, I thought he would fight it because we are waiting for him.
But I guess he didn't fight enough. Ni-hindi niya nga alam na dalawa na kaming naghihintay sa paggising niya.
Ngunit hindi na pala siya magigising pa kailanman.
"A-Athena.." My brother muttered, trying to calm me down but there's no use.
I felt dead inside. Gusto ko na lang sumunod kay Ares. Hindi.. kung hindi lang sana nangyari iyon, kung hindi lang sana kami nagkagulo, hindi sana siya matutulog ng ilang buwan. At hindi sana siya mamamatay.
It's my fault. I should've let them stay even just for a while. Now, I caused tragedy.
Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang pauwi kami sa Pilipinas. Dad didn't want me to go home but I wanted to. Nagpumilit ako. Gusto ko siyang makita kahit sa huling sandali lang..
"Dad, please. Allow me to see my child's father for the last time." Halos pagmamakaawa ko sa lolo ko habang magkausap kami sa phone noon.
Pumayag nga siya, ngunit sandali lang dapat ang itatagal ko. I needed to be away from stress because.. I'm pregnant.
And yet the father is dead now. My Ares is gone.
Nakalapag na ang eroplano sa Pinas ngunit nanatili akong tulala at hindi nagpapakita ng emosyon, but I know I am broken deep down inside me. my heart felt like it was shattered to pieces. I am just thankful that my brother is here to support me. Kung wala siya, hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin.
Baka siguro sumunod na rin ako. I mean I tried the day I received the news. But my brother was there. And I saw how devastated he was.
And I didn't want him to lose his best friend, his twin sister, and his niece or nephew all at once. So I stopped all my suicidal thoughts. Kahit na pakiramdam ko hindi ko na rin kaya.
Hindi ko kaya na wala siya. It feels different whenever I'm with him. And now that he's gone.. parang may puwang na sa puso ko. The day he died, it was like I lost the other half of me, too.
It's losing a loved one all over again.
Hindi ko maiwasang manginig at mamutla habang nakasakay sa sasakyan papunta sa ospital.
Mama held my hand tightly. I looked at her and faintly smiled at her. Tinignan ko rin ang kapatid kong nagmamaneho at maya-maya ang pagsulyap sa amin ni Mama sa backseat.
Pakiramdam ko'y matutumba ako habang nakatayo sa labas ng ospital. Pero hindi ako iniwanan ni Mama. She was with me as I was panicking inside and out. Iniwan niya lang ako nang marating ang sadya at maaninaw ang nakatatandang kapatid niya sa hallway.
"I'll give you two the time to talk." Mama said before she left.
Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya na nakatalikod mula sa direksyon ko.
"A-Ate Ashlyn.." I weakly called her, my Ares' older sister.
It took her time before she finally faced me. The first thing I noticed was the sadness in her eyes.. and anger. She was angry at me. Hindi niya iyon maitago habang nakatingin ng diretso sa mga mata ko.
Pareho kaming namamaga ang mga mata dahil sa masamang balita. Hindi ko maiwasang masaktan na naging ganito dahil naging pabaya ako.
I was not considerate enough. And I let them.. I let them experience a tragic life. My kindness almost left my soul in the past months.. especially on that day, but now, I have realized my mistakes.
Hindi dapat ako nagpadala sa emosyon ko noon. Kahit na ganoon ang nangyari, dapat ay hindi ko hinayaang makaalis sila ng manoir. Hindi sana sila naaksidente..
"So you've finally decided to show up?" Ate Ashlyn raised her brow at me.
Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. Napayuko ako nang maramdaman ang pangingilid ng mga luha, hindi maiwasang masaktan sa paraan ng pakikitungo niya sa akin ngayon na noon ay hindi naman ganito..
At hindi sana magiging ganito kung hindi lang ako naging bulag. I shouldn't have let toxicity get the worst out of me.
I should've kept my shit together on that day.
"You freaking have the guts, huh? After what happened? After what you've done? Really, Athena? I thought you were the last person who would leave him and push him away! Akala ko lang pala iyon?" Her voice broke.
"Ate, I'm sorry.." I said but I received something painful in return.
She slapped me. Hard.
Hard enough to make me realize all of the mistakes I've made. Enough to make me regret every single bad decision I have ever made in my entire life.
"Anong magagawa ng sorry mo, Athena? Ha? Wala na siya! Iniwan mo siya! Pwede pa sana siyang mabuhay! He could still fight! But you weren't there! And maybe he got so damn depressed of you never showing up that he decided to just lose the fight and end his fucking life! He literally can't live without you! Pero anong ginawa mo? You fucking left him! You fucking caused everything that's happened to my family! Napakawalang kwenta mo! I despise you and your entire family! Screw you!" Sigaw niya at pinagsasampal ako.
Tahimik lang akong umiiyak habang tinatanggap ang lahat ng mga masasakit na salitang binitawan niya at iilang mga sampal. I deserve it anyway. I deserve it.
"Nagsisisi ako! Nagsisisi ako na pinagkatiwalaan kita! Akala ko pa naman, sa pamilya De Bonnevie, ikaw ang pinakamatino! Akala ko makakapagtiwala na ulit ako sa pamilya niyo! Turns out, you're one of the worst in your family! Pareho lang kayo ng tatay mo!" She screamed at my face, bahagya niya pa akong itinulak. Mabuti at mabilis akong napahawak sa pader at hindi tuluyang natumba.
I can't risk losing another life, please.
"Ashlyn!" Rinig kong sigaw mula sa malayo.
It was my brother.
Agad na dumalo sa akin ang kapatid ko at inalalayan ako bago binalingan si Ate Ashlyn na nanlilisik ang mga mata sa galit.
"Don't you ever blame her!" Mariing sambit ni Apollo kay Ate.
"Putangina, Apollo! Kung hindi lang naging tanga iyang kapatid mo, e'di sana hindi ko siya sinisisi ngayon! Hindi sana mawawala ang kapatid ko at kaibigan mo! Sinira niyo ang pamilya ko! Magsama-sana kayong lahat!" Ate Lyn looked at me with so much hate and anger before she stormed out of the room.
Doon na ako tuluyang napahagulgol. I broke down in front of my brother and he was just there, staying by my side. Inalo niya ako habang mahigpit akong nakayakap sa kaniya. He never left me while I was broken.
Hindi ko matanggap. Ares is gone. I caused all the misery to their family. Dapat ako na lang ang nawala.
Tama si Ate Ashlyn, napakawalang-kwenta kong tao. I was the kindest in our family but because of what happened on that day, I almost forgot I had kindess in me. Hinayaan kong lamunin ako ng galit.
At ngayon naging ganito ang lahat. His family paid for the consequences of my stupid actions.
Kasalanan ko ang lahat.
[Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of death. If you have fear of death or you've experienced anything traumatic that might trigger you by the mere mention of the word or by reading the heavy scenes, you may skip this part, or you can read at your own risk.]
Maaga akong nagising. Wala naman akong masyadong gagawin sa araw na ito ayon sa schedule ko, pero ayos na rin na maaga akong nagising. I can help Mama and I could do a lot of things na wala sa schedule ko ngayon.Nagtungo ako sa bathroom para magtoothbrush at maghilamos bago ko napagdesiyunang bumaba na."Good morning, Athena. You're coming with me today." Bungad ni Mama sa'kin pagtapak ko sa loob ng kusina."Good morning. Where to, Mama?" I politely asked as I kissed her cheek."Sa ospital, anak. Hinahanap ka na ng mga pasyente ko." She chuckled softly.My mother is a doctor. My father was, too. But he's.. long gone. Kaya kami na lang nina Mama at ng kakambal ko ang naririto sa bahay.Speaking of kambal."Why don't we bring Apollo with us, Mama?" Tanong ko habang minamata ang paborito kong sandwich na ngayon ay ginagawa ni Mama.&
After that short visit, sabay-sabay kaming umuwi. At dahil ang sasakyan ni Mama ang ginamit namin patungo ospital, at tutal ay discharged na rin naman si Artemia, isinabay kami ni Ares at hinatid sa labas lang ng mismong gate ng Bonnevillage, nakakahiya rin kasi kung magpapahatid pa kami sa kaniya sa mismong tapat ng bahay namin.He actually insisted on driving us to our house but I refused. Apollo shrugged, walang kaso sa kaniya ang desisyon ko.Bago kami tuluyang umuwi ay binisita ko muna ang ibang pasyente at nakipagkwentuhan sa kanila ng ilang sandali.Pagkauwi ay nag-netflix lang kami ni Apollo pampalipas oras habang hinihintay na umuwi si Mama. Kumain kami nang mag alas otso ng gabi at bumalik ulit sa panonood. Mama went home by ten-thirty kaya napagpasyahan naming magpahinga na.We had a tiring day.Kinabukasan, muntik na akong madulas sa hagdan dahil sa gulat nang pagbaba
Naaasar na naupo ako sa sun lounger na inuupuan ko kanina. Bwisit na Harry at Apollo! Magsama kamo silang mga hangal sila. Yawa! I heard Ares’ chuckle beside me. I glanced at him and saw him staring at me so I raised a brow. "Sorry, I just can't help it. I really didn't know Apollo and Harry could be this irritating, and well, uh, funny." He smirked. Aba, madaldal naman pala ito. Noong isang araw akala ko pipi at suplado ang isang 'to, e. Akala ko hindi palasalita ngunit heto at ang daming sinasabi ngayon. Inabutan niya ako ng isang box ng yogurt drink habang beer-in-can naman ang sa kaniya. Tinanggap ko ang yogurt drink at agad na tinusok ang str
Iniwan ako ni Apollo nang sumapit ang alas cuatro ng hapon dahil may gig raw sila ng mga bandmates niya. Gusto ko sanang sumama pero ayaw naman akong paalisin ni Artemia. Miss na miss niya raw ako at iiyak raw siya kapag umalis ako. Hay, ang batang ito talaga. Kaya't heto ako at nasa sala nila, nanonood ng Winx Club sa Netflix. Katabi ko si Artemia na nakahiga at nakapatong ang ulo sa hita ko habang nasa kabilang dulo naman ng sofa si Ares at sa hita niya naman nakapatong ang mga paa ni Mia. Hindi ko na alam kung nasaan na si Asher. Mukhang natakot ata sa Kuya niyang parang ewan. Why does he have to treat his younger brother like that? Asher seems nice and harmless. Ang salbahe lang nitong si Ares. Sayang at
Friday na at ngayon ang gig ng banda ni Apollo sa isang sikat na restobar kaya napagdesisyunan kong pumunta at manood.Hindi na ako naihatid kagabi ni Ares dahil nagmadali akong bumalik sa sasakyan bago pa man siya makabalik sa sala galing sa paghatid kay Mia sa kwarto nito. I know he was real pissed. He called Apollo, asking if I got home safe and sound.I'm wearing a white crop top with a print "not your baby" paired with dark blue high waisted jeans and a pair of white sneakers.Habang hinihintay ang pagtugtog nina Apollo, naisipan kong magchat sa group chat namin ng mga kaibigan ko para ayain silang manood sa gig ng kakambal ko.Natawa ako nang makita ang group name ng group chat namin. ‘Mi amigas na demon
"Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Are you ready for our second song for tonight?" Naghiyawan ang lahat, hudyat na handa na para sa pangalawang kantang inihanda nila para sa amin. "Then the floor is yours, Mr. Apollo de Bonnevie!" My eyes widened a fraction. I am shocked! Like, really! Hindi ko inakalang kakanta siya ngayon. I didn't expect him to sing in front of a crowd in a very crowded room! Ano na naman kayang pakulo ng isang 'to? I'm sure he's nervous. Even though he's called their band's lead vocalist, he never sang in public. Drums lang ang lagi niyang inaatupag tuwing nagpeperform sila sa harap ng publiko. This is the first time he'll sing
I don’t understand why my cheeks flushed that led me to unconsciously bite my lower lip when Ares chose to sit down on the seat beside me. Bale, napaggigitnaan ako nina Harry at Ares, nasa magkabilang gilid ko ang dalawa. Si Apollo naman ay nasa katabing upuan ni Ares naupo, kaharap si Hera na kausap ang magkapatid na Kiel at Klien. Klien may be the youngest in the band but he still manages to talk like an adult. He's approachable and charming compared to his older brother, Kiel. I think he's eighteen or something? Kagaya ng nakita ko kanina, nakasuot si Ares ng puting v-neck shirt na pinatungan ng maong na jacket. He partnered it with a dark blue jeans and a pair of white sneakers. All in all, his attire is simple, but I can't lie, he really stands out from the crowd. Kaya nga madali ko siyang nakita kanina, 'di ba?
Nagniningning ang mga mata ko nang makapasok kami sa arcade. I immediately went to the area where I can play basketball."Ares! Let's play basketball!" Pag-aaya ko sa kaniya. "Whoever loses will do a dare! Deal?" Paghahamon ko sa kaniya. Tinaas-taas ko pa ang kilay ko habang sinasabi iyon."No, thanks. I’m afraid you’ll cry because you’ll lose," mayabang na sambit niya na hindi ko inasahan.At talagang he looked at me from head to toe ha! Ano naman ngayon kung medyo maliit ako kumpara sa kaniya? Matangkad naman ako basta hindi lang siya ang katabi ko, dahil nagmumukha akong maliit sa tabi niya."Ang yabang, ha!" Ngumuso ako.He chuckled at