005 | BLUE EYES

“Haile!” cried Dad, a broad grin splitting his face. “Come in, come in.”

A knot twisted tighter in my stomach at the warmth in his expression. I was about to ruin everything with the truth. 

I followed him into their office, pulling up a chair between their desks. Mum was sat behind hers, her shrewd eyes narrowed at a letter. She glanced up at me as I entered, offering me a tight smile before she looked back down at the parchment she held flat against her wooden desk.

The office was large and airy. Plants in terracotta pots adorned the wide wooden shelves behind them, and more sat on the coffee table between two small sofas in the corner to the right behind me. Books and rolls of parchment were stacked haphazardly on my father’s side of the office and filed away neatly on my mother’s. As with everywhere I’d been since Medic Brown had finally let me leave the medical centre this morning, I gawped at the colours as I settled myself in my usual seat. The rich browns of their matching wooden desks gleamed in swathes of gold where the sunlight draped across them, a single streak spilling across reams of paper and highlighting the spilled ink on Dad’s desk. He caught me looking at it and shook his head slightly at himself, his lips twitching as he retook his seat.

That drew my attention to their clothing, the natural dyes soft and buttery on the shadowed folds of the cotton. We all favoured light, practical clothing in pale colours to keep the heat at bay as best we could. I didn’t envy the packs to the west of us; if it was hot here, then it was burning there. 

My lip curled at the thought of the territory lines. They were what caused practically every problem in Erandos, whether it be the eastern packs complaining about the cold or the western ones complaining about the heat. Blue Moon sat at the heart of Erandos, sheltered from the rough, rugged coastline and perfectly positioned to grow crops and keep animals. We had a river on either side of our territory and a lake for fresh water, keeping the drier parts of our land irrigated. Nowhere else was so perfectly positioned as we were.

But we didn’t get to enjoy the bounty our land provided, because it brought war with it. Although the Winterpaw Warrior Pack were the most bloodthirsty of our enemies, we suffered through attacks from the Stable Stalkers, the Bloodpelt Prowlers, and the Greyhide Canyons, too. If it weren’t for the natural defences that protected us, I knew we’d face more battles. Winterpaw were the only ones that could cross into our territory without having to face a cavernous canyon or a densely packed forest or a wide-set, fast-moving river. 

Thinking about it pushed the knife in deeper. How could the Moon Goddess have done this to me? I wrung my hands together in my lap, working up the courage to spill my secret.

“I need to talk to you about something,” I hedged, eyeing them both with unease brewing in my gut. I tried to shake it away. They were my parents; they loved me. But my fated mate was our enemy. I didn’t want to dwell on what that might say about me.

Dad stood from his desk, clearly excited to have a reason to leave it for a while. He called for an Omega to get us a fresh pot of coffee and gestured for me to follow him over to the sofas.

“I’ll be with you in a minute, sweetheart,” said Mum, frowning down at the letter. “The Storm Guardian Pack are proposing a change to their trade routes.”

“Bet you’re excited to take over all this excitement one day, hey?” Dad nudged me with his elbow. 

I huffed a laugh. “You know me. I just love trade routes.”

“How’s your ear?” Dad asked, collapsing on the sofa. I took the seat closest to him on the other one, leaning on its arm and tenting my hands beneath my chin. I kicked off my sneakers and curled my feet up beneath me.

“It still sounds like it’s submerged in water.” I shivered at that, imagining the rush of water overhead, the feel of it filling my lungs… I clenched my jaw and dragged my focus back to the present. “But the other one is fine, so.” I shrugged. “I’ve hardly thought about it.” Because being pretty much deaf in one ear was nothing compared to the knowledge that my soulmate, my perfect other half, was my worst enemy.

“I’ll look into some ways we can train around it,” he said, his smile slipping as he considered it. “It’s a weakness that the other packs could exploit – if they notice it.”

I puffed out my chest. “Then I’ll have to make sure they don’t.”

His smile returned in an instant. “That’s my girl.” 

The Omega scuttled in and placed a tray on the coffee table. White clay mugs clattered noisily and coffee licked the insides of the pot. Dad nodded his thanks, but the poor girl looked so nervous that I said, “Thank you,” quietly enough that it wouldn’t spook her. 

“Alpha Xander, Young Luna Haile,” she whispered, the words catching in her throat, before she ducked her head and left. She nodded at my mum as she passed her, managing to mumble, “Luna Heras,” as she went; the movement pulled Mum away from her desk with a sigh.

“They want to cut through Winterpaw Warrior and Greyhide Canyon to reach Rivertail,” she said, flopping down beside Dad. He poured her a brimming cup of coffee and passed it to her, his brow furrowing.

“Why?”

“To avoid having the cross the River Banktail to reach them.” She shook her head, dismissing the idea. “I know we aren’t exactly allies, but using enemy territory… I don’t like it. Anyway.” She sipped her coffee and her shoulders dropped, the trade routes momentarily forgotten as her gaze moved to meet mine. “What can we help you with, Haile?”

I turned in my seat and toed at my discarded shoe. Tears swelled in my throat, burning the back of my nose and pressing up into my eyes. I blinked them back, unwilling to let my parents see me crying over a boy. I was better than that.

“Haile?” Mum’s voice softened and she put her mug down with a gentle clink. Blue eyes crowded my vision, the half-fogged memory of the blade glittering in my periphery. Teeth, wet with blood, closed in on me. I shuddered. 

That was the only way this would end – with blood. But there was no use in hiding it any longer. I was no coward. I was the Young Luna of the strongest pack in Erandos. Holding that truth close to my heart, I wiped the single tear that had spilled free with the back of my hand and turned to face them.

“My mate isn’t part of our pack,” I said. Rather than let them work it out for themselves, I added, “He’s a Winterpaw Warrior wolf.” More tears brimmed on my lashes, clouding my eyesight until the sunlight streaming in through the windows glazed across the concerned faces of my parents. “I’ll do whatever I can to break the bond,” I swore, tilting my head back and working my jaw to get control over my rising emotions. “I’ll kill him if I have to. I would rather be alone forever than mated to one of them.”

I hugged my arms around myself, needing even that slim comfort. It was easier to say the words than it was to believe them. My heart twisted and bucked like a wild horse, trying to shake free of the restraints I’d bound it with. I couldn’t let myself fantasise, even for a moment. There was no point. We were star crossed, doomed to fail from the start.

“Are you sure?” Dad sounded like he didn’t want to believe it. I knew that feeling all too well.

I nodded, my breath hitching on the lump in my throat. “Yes.”

“To break a mate bond…” Mum trailed off, unable to say it.

“I know.” I pursed my lips. “I know what it would mean. What it would do to me. But what other choice do I have?” My voice broke. I looked down at the sofa. A tear slid down my cheek and landed on the cream fabric of the seat. I watched as it darkened the area around it. 

That was what my life would be reduced to if I succeeded: black and white. An eternity of shades of grey, loveless and lonely. Self pity raked across my heart.

“You don’t have to break the bond, Haile,” Dad murmured, reaching over and taking my hand. “You don’t.”

“But he’s – he’s from Winterpaw,” I breathed, staring at him. Did he not understand? “They hate us. They would kill us all–”

“That’s why they retreated,” Mum interrupted. “Because one of them felt the mate bond click into place. It has to be.”

“They must be high up in the hierarchy, then.” I frowned. “To call a retreat when they had the upper hand.”

“Naturally.” Dad let out a long breath. “You’re a Young Luna. Your mate wouldn’t be an Omega, now, would he?” He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“But he can be part of the Winterpaw Warrior Pack.” Venom seeped into my tone. “I’d take an Omega over that any day.”

Mum tucked her dark braid over her shoulder as she leant forward. “Whatever you decide, Haile, you have our support.”

Dad squeezed my fingers. “Always.”

I swallowed hard, looking between them both. “Thank you. I – I thought you’d want me to kill him. Whoever he is. I can’t… I can’t be mated to a Winterpaw wolf.”

“But you are.” Dad softened the blow of the words with another squeeze of my hand, but it was no good. My world was crumbling around me. I’d longed for this for so long; ever since I’d come of age I’d waited and waited and waited for my fated mate to come forth, and now I’d finally found him it turned out he was the one kind of man I could never love.

“The mate bond exists for a reason.” Mum sat up straighter. “Maybe breaking it isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You think Haile should – what? Go to him?” Dad raised an eyebrow at her. I was sure my expression mirrored his exactly.

“If that’s what would make her happy,” she said, though she didn’t sound convinced.

“No – wait.” I pulled myself upright and blotted my tears with the cuff of my sleeve. The mate bond exists for a reason, she’d said. Maybe that reason wasn’t love.

It would pull me apart from within, this idea, this plan, but if I could save Blue Moon from Winterpaw’s constant attacks, then I would do it. I would give my life a hundred times over for my pack; why not give my love instead?

“It wouldn’t make me happy to be with him.” I knew that inherently. “But what if the mate bond between us exists for another reason?”

“What kind of reason?” Dad asked.

“What if I went to Winterpaw as a peace offering? It could be a truce: the Young Luna of the Blue Moon Pack, sent to be with her mate, if they stop the attacks. We could have peace from them at last...”

I shuddered. I could imagine nothing worse than leaving my family, my home, to live in the mountains with a pack of wolves that would sooner see me dead than mated to one of their own. I lingered on the idea of going and killing him; it would set me free, at least, but it would do nothing for my pack. They were my priority, not myself; I was duty bound to serve them until my last breath.

“No, Haile,” my dad breathed, aghast. “You have no idea what they’ll do to you.”

I jutted my chin out. “And if I don’t? They keep attacking us, keep killing off our wolves. They nearly won, Dad! And if this twisted mate bond hadn’t happened then they would have. We would have been at their mercy. Everything we’ve worked so hard to make and keep would have been lost to them.” 

I didn’t want to go. The mere thought of it made me want to curl up and sob, to dig my fingers into the ground and cling on to Blue Moon no matter how hard the mate bond yanked me towards Winterpaw Warrior.

But a tiny, traitorous part of me wanted to go. No, worse: it ached to go, had been desperate to run there ever since I’d awoken in the medical centre. That had been the worst part of the dream – not the knife, not the teeth, not the blood, but the knowledge that I had loved him. It had been the knowledge that I had been capable of loving a Winterpaw wolf.

“It makes sense.” Mum’s face was taut with worry. She had always been more logical than Dad, more practical; her emotions didn’t guide her the way they did him. That didn’t mean she liked the idea any more than I did. “And maybe you’ll find a way to love him.”

I shook my head. “Never. But if it ends the war between our packs, then I can pretend to love him. For Blue Moon, I will stare into his eyes like they are the beginning and end of my world, hating him all the while.” Dad still didn’t look convinced, so I levelled my gaze at him. “You said you would support my decision, no matter what.”

“We did. I just don’t want you to go.” He sighed. 

“Neither do I,” I admitted quietly. “But what I want isn’t important.” They both opened their mouths to protest, so I quickly added: “It is. It’s just not as important as the lives I could save if I go.”

“You’re our daughter, Haile.” His throat bobbed. “We can’t lose you. Not to them.”

I pulled my lips into a half-hearted smile. “I’m the best fighter in the pack. I can hold my own.” I shrugged, desperate to brush off the cloying emotion filling the room. “If it goes wrong, I can always kill him.”

“An excellent mindset to take into a new relationship.” Mum rolled her eyes, masking her own sadness.

Dad scrubbed a hand across his stubble. His eyes, usually crinkled with a smile, were tight with defeat. Even he could see the logic in my plan. Without this, we had little hope of keeping Winterpaw away. 

“So it’s settled,” I said, standing up and sliding my feet back into my sneakers. “I’m going to Winterpaw as a peace offering.”

“Let’s just hope they agree to it,” Mum muttered, draining her mug and heading back to her desk. 

She squeezed my arm as she passed, sorrow hovering around her like a cloak. I couldn’t bear to look at my dad because, loathe though I was to admit it, the colours burned brighter and my heart beat faster at the thought of finally meeting my fated mate. It was a betrayal of my pack, even though I was doing it to secure their fate.

Excitement flooded my veins.

I was going to the Winterpaw Warrior Pack.

I just had to hope I was excited for the right reasons. For my pack – and not for my traitorous heart.