57. The Monster!

Egon's POV 

I thought I wouldn't feel more intense pain than my family's death but I was wrong. My heart is slowly shattering into pieces whenever I look in her eyes. 

She was also a victim, I destroyed her. How could I not try to understand her side? 

I loved her, I should have trusted her, but I didn't. I failed to trust my love and trusted my father instead. 

He had warned me that she could destroy me, and the moment I heard news of my family's accident, the warning turned into reality. 

I was too blinded by the rage that I couldn't see her innocence. 

Fuck, why did this happen to me? Why do I have to lose all the people I love? 

I am her culprit, the monster who destroyed her. I feel ashamed when I think about what I have done to her. 

She was a queen, I kept her in my basement. She deserved my love, but I gave her only fear. 

Touching her feels like a sin now, a monster like me doesn't deserve to even touch her.

My heart churned when I thought, what if I had killed her? I closed my eyes as fear coursed through my veins. Thank God, I didn't do that. 

I pulled her onto my lap and hugged her tightly. I would have killed myself too. 

"Emerald!"

She placed her head on my chest and cried with me.

"Yes, my love!"

Fuck, I don't deserve her. How can she love me even after whatever I have put her through? I am a monster. 

"Why didn't you tell me?... Why did you suffer silently?... Just once, you should have mentioned it!"

Her delicate hands clutched my shirt, and she felt like she was dealing with her own pain.

"I tried but you were too angry to listen..."

She mumbled. 

"I understand you... I completely understand!... I had given you a mountain of pain and you couldn't see anything beyond that... I don't blame you!... It was too late for me to tell you anything when you calmed down. You had broken me. I was ruined for sanity..."

My heart clenched in pain. It's true! Even if she wanted to, I never really gave her the chance to speak.

"I was ready to take whatever punishment you had for me, I was ready to die also because I was better than seeing hate in your eyes for me, but things turned ugly... I never thought I'd see that face of yours. That my love become my nightmare... I wanted to tell you, but for that I was looking for a man whom I loved, but I failed to see him in you... And after that, I was scared that if I told you that I did it for my mother, then you would kill her too... I could think of only one way, and that was escape!..." 

"You looked hurt when I killed your family!"

If she hated them then why? 

"It's not like I always hated them. Somewhere in the past, I had a soft spot for them until they ruined me. The tears were to flow out of that pain. The prick that, things could have been different but no, destiny had to make me stand at the spot where I had to kill them... And it was important to make you believe that I care about them or else you would have come after the people about whom I really care."

She was always mindful of her acts. It makes sense. 

I cupped her face as tears fell from our eyes. She smiled when she finally saw the man she loved. 

"Egon, I love you... I never wanted to hurt you, my love... I am sorry. I know it's hard to forgive me but I had no option."

"Eme___"

She placed her hand on my lips. 

"Let me talk. I am meeting the man I love after so long. Let me talk to him, please."

She kept speaking. 

"I never wanted you to remember me with hate. It was worse than death, but it was better than seeing you dead... They made me do it. They destroyed our dreams. They hurt your queen... But you love me right?... You will punish all of them!"

I couldn't stop my tears as she complained like a child. 

"Yes, my love... I love you and I punished all of them."

She cried on my chest until she finally poured all her pain out. I kept caressing her.

"What is my punishment, Emerald?"

I finally asked. 

I have hurt her more than anyone. I was supposed to protect her but ___.

I deserve the worst punishment!

She looked at me and cupped my face.

"How can I punish you? You are my life..."

"Don't do this... I don't deserve this love."

She is breaking me. 

"No one is at fault but the situation, Egon."

She kissed my chest.

"I love you and I know that you love me too. That's the only reason why we both haven't killed each other. But we have destroyed each other beyond repair... We are not the people we met and fell in love... I am not angry at you but I also can't forget whatever you have done to me... We are damaged and we can't fix it. The fire between us has turned into ashes now..."

"Don't say that..."

I am ready to take any punishment to fix it.

"I love you, I will always love you but we can't stay together... It's not good for any of us."

She cried as she said that. 

"We will only deepen each other's wounds and I am in the situation where my fear for you is overshadowing our love... I can't unsee the monster I have seen in you... I am sorry."

I was ready for the punishment but not this. If she leaves me then I'll die. She will take my soul with her. 

It will be hard to live without her. The thought of living without her is worse than death. 

"Emerald, don't leave me please... I am ready for anything but not this!"

She closed her eyes as our foreheads rested together. 

"This is not just your punishment but mine too. You have to let me go, Egon... We both need to heal but that's not possible if we stay together."

This is where I really lost myself. She is right, she deserves freedom after whatever I have done to her. But she is wrong in one thing, this is MY punishment, not hers. She won't feel this pain anymore. I won't let any pain come near her again.

I'll make sure of that!