TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF

LUCAS

....

"I can't leave you alone, not when am trying to be your friend"

I know he is an asshole, but I told him either way with a wide smile on my face, cause it was the truth, but immediately he heard my words, I saw how one of his eyebrows arched up, and it made me realized that he was confused, probably thinking hard about something, maybe about why I was able to tolerate him, but the truth was that when I make a deal with someone on something, I make sure I win, and plus, I was also trying to be his friend, cause, I mean looking at him from this angle, he was kinda sorta....cute

No wait, what the fuck did I just think about right now!

Immediately I realized the fuck I had just literally thought about, I stopped smiling, and looked away from him to snap myself completely out of it, cause I don't ever want to feel any shit for a person I was sure doesn't give a damn about me, or else I would be heartbroken, and hell no, I don't want that, cause my heart is too fragile, so I stylishly try to shift away from him, to create distance between the both of us to be precise, cause I don't fucking want to be too close, or else my damn heart that doesn't really care about being heartbroken might race, and make me lose myself again, but...but when I tried to successfully move away from him, my clumsy hand hit the table, and it made me groan in pain and look at it, only to realize the pieces of my damage screen had cut me long ago by the time I picked my phone up from the damn floor, but...but why on earth was I only noticing the cut, and feeling the pain now?

I thought to myself, but I couldn't find the answer, cause the cut hurts so much, but I tried to hide it, I wanted to, cause I didn't wanted him to be irritated by my blood that stained the injury, I tried to hide it, cause I didn't know how he would react, but when he immediately figured out something was wrong, I realized why I failed acting class back in high school.

I suck at pretending, Damnit!

"Let me see"

He commanded me, but I didn't wanted to give in, cause I wasn't some kind of fragile helpless baby that only knows how to get his fucking ass hurt. God am so angry with myself, but I keep it together, the anger in, and look at his face

"It's alright"

I told him after a brief pause, and wished it had ended there, but he didn't stop, instead he chose to surprise me, and immediately grab unto my wrist

What?, why?, why on earth was he acting this way?, when he doesn't care for me, or...or...or does he?

All the freaking questions raced all in my head at once, and it killed me, but I knew it would be so foolish to ask him all that for answers, so in the end, I do nothing than keep my damn mouth shut

"If you hide the injury, because you thought that I would be freaked out cause of it, then you are a dummy, cause am familiar with blood"

He said it all at once, and kinda insulted me too, but I remained dumbfounded and said nothing. All I do is watch him with my beating heart that I wished could stop, but it didn't fucking listen to me, cause somehow I feel like some kind of Mr. Cinderella cause cold hearted Mr. Elias was holding unto my wrist delicately

Ugh, I hate myself

I screamed inwardly to myself and tried to stop my heart from racing, but I couldn't even at least place my right hand on my chest to caress it and calm it down, cause it might be both suspicious and super weird to him if he sees me do that, so in the pathetic end, all I did was die, and die in silence as I watch him swiftly bring out an handkerchief from his pant's pocket, and wrap it on my injury to stop it from bleeding, like a true pro, and trust me when I say the "I would not be affected by you" guy left me at once alone to my smiling lips, and my fluttering heart that I didn't even realize he was done until he spoke out

"All done"

He said with a little smile on his face, (Trust me when I say I never knew he could smile, cause he was barely human-ish, but he did, and I guess it was because he was satisfied with the way he bandaged my hand, but...Damnit, and I know am so stupid, but I wished he could touch me for much longer, even if it meant I should get myself injured again.

Does it sounds psychopathic, maybe, but I can't help craving more of his touch, even though I don't still know exactly why, but the reality was that no matter how much I craved I don't think he would ever touch me again if it wasn't necessary, so in the kinda sad end, all I could enjoy was the little smile he had on his face. 

Truth be told, he looked human and nice when he smiles, kinda hot even, and when he took care of me like he had just did, that kept on making my heart flutter no matter how hard I try, but immediately he noticed the heartwarming look I had on my face, he murders the smile, and returned back to his coldhearted lane, and it somehow made me hurt that I wouldn't be able to see his smile for any longer, and also so hurt that I wasn't there, when he was suffering alone, but what could I do, when he still sees me as nothing but a stranger?

I feel so sad, and pathetic, and angry at the same time, so I sighed out, I didn't mean to do it intentionally, but he heard it, looked at me confusedly, and tried to speak, I bet to yell at me for being such a sudden sad puppy, but I don't want him to yell at me, cause if he does that, I would have nothing to say to defend myself, cause he had made it a zillion and one times clear that he hated anyone feeling pity for him, so I first him to speak, and changed the topic

"Well, since we are now trapped here until god knows when, why don't we continue the study section, hmm?"

I try to cheer myself up and to kill the sad puppy in me, so I changed the topic, and asked him, but immediately I do, he growls out like a lazy angry puppy, before looking at me

"Fuck it!"

He swore out angrily

"I don't want to do that cramp anymore"

He whined, and it made me want to laugh about how cute he just behaved, but I stop myself, cause if I do, he might return back to that damn cold way again that I hated so damn much, so I hold my laughter in, and parted my lips

"Okay, so what do you want to do, huh?"

I asked him with one of my eyebrows arched up curiously. I didn't want to suggest anything to do, cause I don't know if he would like it or not, but I immediately regretted ever considering him, immediately he poked me on the throat with his words

"Tell me about yourself"

He said, no he blurted out as if it was no big deal, well it wasn't if you were asking your friend or your lover that, but...but when you look at it coming from someone like him that you weren't even sure what exactly he thought about you anymore, it sounded hella old, and strange, and heck yeah, it made a hurricane of thought race in my head, cause what on earth did he wants to gain if he knows about me, and wait a minute, ain't I suppose to be the one to try to know more about him, since I was trying to be his friend, so what the fucking heck was even happening, oh shit!, everyone shut up!

I immediately tried to silence my racing thought, but it didn't listen to me, and only stopped bringing in more endless questions when I heard him speak

"I mean shouldn't I know about you when you already know about me and all?"

He asked me casually, but what the heck was he even saying, cause what other thing do I know about him apart from the fact that he was a depressed once bullied puppy that cuts himself

"God, am I dreaming right now?"

My thought raced and raced, but when I had tried to calm them down for a bit at last, I blurted out, and looked at him with my eyes widely opened, and it immediately made him lifted one of his eyebrows up"

"Why are you staring?"

He asked me sharply with the expression on his face looking confused, and lost, but hell no, I am the one that suppose to be lost, not him

"I mean, it's just that you would never talk to me, but now you are trying to start a conversation, and it's... just stra..."

"Then forget it!"

He cut my words off, he didn't let me finish, and looked away from me with his face that was kinda offended, and it made me wonder if he was also trying hard to be my friend too, it looked weird, might be the most stupidest thing to ever assume, but I didn't wanted the conversation to just die this way, even though I wasn't sure of any single thing, so I parted my lips and chuckled out to ease the air

"I have a horse back at home!"

I said to him, but it didn't come out right, and maybe it was because it was the first thing that came into my mind, but I was happy that my words made me see that perfect little smile appear on his lips, that I thought I would never get to see ever again, but my clumsy lips that couldn't keep shut decided to blurt out

"Did you just smile?"

(Am so cursed!)

I asked him, and regretted it immediately, cause I thought it would make his smile fade away, but instead he shocks me to the bone, and made me get to see much more...HE CHUCKLED OUT!, he actually did, and it sounded kinda....sexy(God would forgive my perverted mind)

"It's...it's just that your story is a whole lot lamer than mine"

He laughed louder, and said to me, and it made me short of words, cause I don't know how to respond to it, whether to say a "Thank you", or "Don't insult me!", so in the end, I keep my mouth shut and watch him laugh louder, and it was then did I realize, and did I finally figure it out the answer to the question I have been asking myself recently

Yes, I know I might probably completely going to regret kinda falling for a guy like him, and make my heart shattered into pieces, but how do I stop and save that same heart from feeling this way, when there was no pills, or guide on how to do it!