Being Indifferent Is Fun

SHASHA

"Mommy?"

"Hem?"

I touched my mother's face, stroking her soft cheeks that used to be my routine every morning. The soft feeling that filled my hands made me feel impossible if I was currently dreaming. But, even if I dream, then I am willing that I never wake up and remain in this dream.

"Yes, dear?"

She looked at me with a shocked eyes. Her hand went up, touched my cheek

"Why are you crying?"

Ah, I was crying unconsciously. Maybe because I really miss her. There is not a single human being on this earth that I miss the most besides her.

Mama..

If people say that a daughter's first love is her father, then it's different from me. My father died since I was born, and mom immediately took over the dual role of raising me well.

She is very cool in playing the dual role. When I need a father figure to teach me to play soccer as a school assignment, then Mom will do it very well. Learning how to play soccer even to the knowledge like the inventor of the game. Because of this reason, all of Alliando's explanations seemed like nonsense to me.

"Honey, why are you crying?"

Mama repeated her question, really very worried now.

Instead of making Mom even more anxious, I decided to wipe my tears, then returned to sink my head in Mom's arms.

"Ma .."

"Hmm?"

"Promise mama will always be careful when walking. Do not walk in a quiet place without security camera. And don't go out late at night unaccompanied by anyone. "

I said the long sentence in a hoarse voice. Thinking back to the dark times when I had to lose my mom forever.

Mom died in an accident when I graduated from high school and was busy preparing for college entrance exams. According to police statements, a drunk driver could not control his car and hit my mother who was walking on the side of the road.

Since then, I've been cursing at anyone who chooses to get drunk when they have to drive. Do they realize that their irresponsible actions can separate a mother from her child or vice versa?

I believed in the cause of mama's death until I finally read Alliando's letter. Mama wasn't really died because an accident like the police said. Mama did die from a traffic accident, but an accident on purpose. There was someone who trying to kill Mom. And ironically, Alliando has known this fact for a long time, even some time after my mother died. But he prefers to be quiet instead of talking because he hates her.

"Oh, my God! What is it, honey?" Mama let go of my hug and cupped my face with her hands. "Did you just have a bad dream?"

She asked.

Ah, you know, ma? I would be happier if everything I had before was a nightmare. But...

"It seems so."

I chose to justify Mom's guess, hugged her tightly again.

"Duh, this child. Stop being spoiled and go to school right away. Don't you have an exam today? ”

Mama patted my shoulder lightly, kissed the corner of my eyes and then stood up

"Get ready, dear. Let mama prepare breakfast on the table. "

She said, leaving me who was still silent in my place.

I looked at my hands, there are scars that are still fresh there. The wound I didn't have before I slept yesterday.

"Auu .."

I grimaced when I pinched my cheek hard. I am 100 percent sure that I am not dreaming unless I am so mad that I cannot tell the difference between dream and reality.

While stroking my cheek, which still ached, I walked towards the dressing table, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

Short shoulder length hair, very different from my long hair that hung down to my waist yesterday.

And..

The only time I had short hair was when I was in high school. I quickly searched the calendar, flipped through the pages and was surprised to see the date : August 2, 2008.

"August 2nd ..."

Without realizing it, I muttered softly. That date has its own impression on me. Because on this date I should have jumped into the pool because of the sadness of the bullies who locked me in the school warehouse, making me miss a very important exam. And at that time ... Alliando clearly saw me but he chose to ignore me.

"Dear! Come on, quickly!"

The voice of my mother's call made me gasp in surprise.

"Wait a moment ma!"

For now I will first observe what really happened, because it is too hard to believe what I am experiencing right now.

***

I still remember when I jumped into the pool. Actually at first I was pushed by one of my bullies. But the rest is on purpose. I purposely threw myself into the pool, even though I know that I couldn't swim. Somehow, someone managed to drag me up and take me to the school clinic.

Will everything happen again?

I keep thinking about it. Even until I finally set foot in school. I don't know because I've experienced this before, I'm not as scared as I used to be in high school.

In the past, every time I set foot in school, I would tremble, constantly wondering whether I should just run away and skip. But unfortunately I can't choose the second option.

I can't skip of course because of mom who has to work day and night for our lives. I don't want her to feel disappointed and hurt because her only daughter has a bad record in school. So I thought, I'll just hold on, after all, things have an end, and so does the day.

But, as I grew up, I understood that my actions only made me hurt more, more crushed and helpless. I need help and I have to stand up for myself.

Ah, if only I had known that when I was in high school, maybe I could protect myself. However, my courage only emerged after my mother died. Only then did I start learning martial arts. Even though my heart remains cowardly, at least I can protect myself from physical violence.

"Ah, looks like you haven't showered today."

The voice of mockery immediately greeted me as soon as I entered the classroom. My eyes stare at the gang of bullies who I still remember their faces very well.

Senine, the head of the cheerleading team who is the daughter of a senator. Joana, a student who is in the top 3 with a lot of achievements and Lily, a rising teen model. The three of them were like the group leader who commanded my bullying.

Senine touched my hair with her fingertips. Her face was contorted in disgust, maybe she felt that my hair was no better than dirt. Meanwhile, Joana and Lily covered their noses with expressions of wanting to vomit.

“Are you too poor to buy shampoo? If so, just say so, I'll buy a lot of shampoo for you. Think as charity to the poor. "

She laughed softly as soon as she finished her sentence, made the whole class laugh too.

I looked at the faces of the three of them closely. When they were older, these three had brilliant careers. Then apologize flatly and say it's all teen mischief.

Very sad, right?. For perpetrators like them, everything is just forgetful mischief. But to a victim like me, all was like a terrifying demon that would haunt me for life.

But, isn't human being a creature with high adaptability? So, after experiencing this 2 times and having experienced the stage of becoming an adult before, I have a simple principle in my life.

Namely, being indifferent to something that would only hurt me. So, I just stared at the three of them who continued to have expressions of disgust, then when they thought I was going to cry like usual, I bent my body a little.

“Then, with pleasure. I gladly accept the charity that you give. So please send lots of shampoo to my house. If necessary, complete with other toiletries. "

I said with a thin smile, bowed my body again then walked to my table. I didn't care about the strange looks and amazement of the class when they looked at me.

Ah, I feel much relieved. As it turns out, being indifferent is sometimes a lot of fun...