To be Luna or not to be

Xena

It is the day I have been working very hard for. The day I finally get my degree and license to practice what I love the most. The hall is packed with very proud family members. I wish my parents were here to celebrate this day with me.

I push away my sad thoughts and focus on Professor Mathews, who is giving a speech on stage.

“Thank you all for attending our prestigious Fallow graduations. Our graduates are no doubt the best worldwide. Before we close, it is a pleasure for me to announce the Creme de la Creme of this class. Her name is on all our top achiever boards. It has truly been an honor to witness this young intellect at work…”

“Xena! Xena! Xena!” my classmates start chanting before the Professor could finish. I know that I nailed every subject here, but still. They have so much faith in me.

“They know her. Xena Murphy!”

I stand up and go to accept my award while the hall cheers with applause. Only if Xael was here. My heart starts pounding. I push his memories away too. Today is a good day, I will celebrate it the best way I know.

Everyone is dispersing. This is the end of student life. I don’t bother going near the right corner where family photographs are taken. I have no one to celebrate this day with, but I will have a blast on my own.

I have just stepped outside the graduation hall when I see him. He is impossible to miss. Tall, dark, so damn handsome. The custom-made suit is sticking on him like a second skin as always and those muscles are bulging in all the right place. A typical Alpha, only much, much better. He is every woman’s eye candy. He smiles when our eyes meet, lighting up my world. He came!

He opens up his arms and calls my name.

“Xena.”

I run into his arms without a second thought, all our fights completely forgotten as I get whisked off my feet.

“Xael!”

I thought I did not care being alone today, I was wrong. I am so happy I can’t hide it.

“My Luna. Congratulations,” he mumbles before loudly inhaling my scent while his rushes through my nostrils, rendering me breathless.

“You came!”

I did not think he would come because of the way we parted.

He does not put me down but places his forehead against mine and gazes at me until I am blushing.

“I would not miss your day for anything. You should know that.”

My cheeks are now burning. He was mad the last time we saw each other. He stormed away and has not called since. I had accepted that our relationship was over.

“Can we start preparing for your mating ceremony now?” his sitter asks. I did not even notice that she was also here.

I untangle myself from Xael and hug her. She is like my younger sister, but her stand is very clear when Xael and I fight. She will always side with him. I don’t really blame her. She is his biological sister, while I am more like a very close acquittance. Blood has to be thicker than water.

“Hi, Fiona. Thanks for coming,” I say in earnest, and she looks at me like I am crazy.

“Why would I not come? You are family, Xena. Always been. Can we go home and get you two mated already?”

I look at Xael, suddenly not so thrilled by their presence. Him and I have not spoken in over two months. I am hoping that he will say something to his sister, but he just looks at me, until I respond.

“I have not accepted his proposal.”

“Why not?” she asks and adds, “You two are destined.”

I guess Xael has not told her the reasons for our breakdown.

“We are not mates and I am too busy to become Luna,” I tell her.

I don’t even know how to categorize my relationship with Xael. We have been friends since our childhood. We did everything together. He has never dated, nor have I. That is simple because everyone believed that we were a couple and destined. Somewhere after I turned eighteen, things became more intense for just friends. It did not help that we have always been told by our parents that we will be mated one day.

He kind of became my unspoken boyfriend and got furious when I decided to pursue my studies instead of becoming his Luna.

I am taken aback when he unexpectedly pulls me into his arms and kisses me. We are both breathless by the time he breaks off the kiss.

“What was that for?”

“Mate or no mate, Xena, we love each other. We have been friends since we were born. I love you. You love me. Our pack adores you.”

I frantically shake my head. He is the only man I have ever been close to. Everything feels natural with him, but I don’t know if this is love. This is something I need to be sure of because we won’t have the mate bond to keep us together like other couples.

“Our parents decided this a long time ago, hence the letter X in your names,” Fiona reminds me.

I let out a sigh and look at Xael. He can sense what I am going to say because I can sense his heart racing. It is much easier to turn down a stranger, not family and certainly not a lifetime best friend, who is your family.

“Xena, I need you,” he speaks before I can open my mouth.

“You will meet your mate one day, Xael, and then what?”

He and I have spoken, more like fought about this. He thinks that I don’t trust him, but these things get very complicated. His wolf adores me, but he will always choose his mate. It’s how it is.

“I have said this before. It won’t change anything. I love you. I will be committed to us forever. Look at my eyes, Xena. You know me better than anyone. Marry me. Be my Luna.”

I look away, because I can’t look into his eyes. I don’t want to see the pain I am causing him. I am already feeling it.

“Look at me, Xena,” he urges with that voice that pulls at my every heart string. “You might meet your mate too, but I completely trust you. You will never betray us. You will never hurt me. That is how much I trust you. What have I ever done to betray your trust?”

“Xael,” I call to him softly. He knows that I can’t stand him hurting like this.

He has never betrayed me or gone back on his word, but still. This is a huge decision for both of us.

“You asked me to wait until you completed your studies. I was mad when you decided to come and study, but here we are. You are a doctor now. Babe, please. Our pack needs stability. We need a Luna. I need you.”

I don’t know how to respond to him without crushing his heart. Our pack does need a Luna. The elders have been on his case ever since his parents passed on. It is worse now. We are still standing outside when Professor Mathews approaches us.

“Congratulations once again, Xena. Mauve is lucky to have you. You will accomplish great things there. I told my nephew to look out for you.”

I close my eyes when Xael looks at me. I don’t see him, but I can feel his every emotion. I did not tell him about the scholarship because we have not spoken in over two months, and I knew how he would react.

“Mauve? That is abroad. You are leaving?” he asks with a tone that breaks my heart.

“Oh dear, I spilled the beans. I better go.”

I watch the Professor disappear, wishing I could be right there with him. This is going to be a long and emotional day.

“You are leaving me? You are really leaving me?”

I can’t bear to hear Xael’s broken tone.

“I was offered a scholarship. I have not accepted yet,” I say. The truth is I was leaning towards accepting the offer.

“Oh, thank goodness!” Fiona beams. I keep forgetting that she is here.

“It does not mean I have rejected it,” I tell her and hold my breath when Xael pulls me closer to him. I can feel his heart hammering against mine, rendering both my wolf and I all gooey.

“You will,” he says with certainty. “Let’s go home. The pack has a surprise for you.”

I am taken aback by his reaction. I expected him to lose it because I did not right out turn down the scholarship, yet he is chilled out. He is making jokes all the way back to our pack, like old times. I missed this side of him. We have been fighting a lot lately.