Build You Up

It's almost midnight, and I'm walking hurriedly down the grimy streets leading to Barry's apartment. The disappointment in his voice when I told him I wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t coming over has been plaguing me for hours. It was the night. The night we were supposed to connect for the first time. Intimately. Sex. We were going to have sex for the first time. My first time. I chickened out at the last minute, scared of the unknown. Now, I’m on my way to his place, finally finding the courage to take the leap. Barry and I have been dating for a couple of months, and I really like him. Maybe even love him. I’m scared, but I think I’m ready to finally do this. I have to be. We are about to move in together. Sleeping with him isn't as big of a commitment as that. I lived a very sheltered life before college. My parents were controlling, especially my dad. I was like a scared rabbit when I flew across the country to attend university in California. Barry helped me come out of my shell

It’s been a long day, and by the time Adrian leaves, I’m exhausted and ready for bed. It’s nice to have a shower that actually works, though it’s small. The water is clean and it makes me feel clean for the first time in weeks. I’m drying my hair with a towel, walking around the small trailer, examining its contents. There are pictures of a younger Adrian and a small girl holding up a couple of fish on fishing lines, going on hikes in a rocky canyon, and one with an older man with the same crystal blue eyes as Adrian with the young girl on his lap. It makes me smile seeing the irritating handyman looking so carefree and loved by his family. There are no pictures of a mom. Maybe she was the one taking the pictures. Men don’t think of stuff like taking pictures when on vacation. My mom used to hound my dad all the time for that very reason when I was younger. The memories of our vacations to Branson and Witchita Falls as a child bring remorseful tears to my eyes. I shake off the f

The past few days, I’ve been working hard to avoid Adrian. It’s not easy since I don’t have much to do. I took a trip to the book store yesterday and hung out at the coffee shop reading for most of the afternoon, but Brittany came in for the evening shift and the prying question started all over again.It’s the same in every small town. The smaller the population, the more people pry into your personal life, especially if you’re new to town. They want to know where you’re from, why you’re here, what you do, what you did before moving….every little detail down to your mother’s maiden name. It’s exhausting to answer the same questions over and over again. A woman in her forties named Dotty got almost hostile towards me the day before when I was hanging out at the diner and I wouldn’t tell her if I’d gotten a mammogram recently. Her cousin had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she took it personally that I wasn’t as concerned about my boobs as she was. Today I’m going to start

When Sunday came around, I was excited about going to the Brewers' house for a BBQ. I had spent all day Saturday alone at the house, working on little projects and finishing up the garden. Eating nothing but sandwiches and soup was getting to me. I found myself forcing the food down me, and only when I was starved. I missed fresh meals.Even if the city was lonely in its busyness, it was comfortable for people like me who were alone most of the time. No one judged you or bugged you for going out to eat alone, sitting alone in the parks, and fresh, good food could be picked up in every neighborhood deli or market. We have the grocery store, which doesn’t have a deli, and the diner, which is the local hangout. In both places, you could expect people to talk to you and ask you questions. You couldn’t simply sit in a booth and be alone while you ate. Someone was going to come to sit by you and ask those same pointed, prying questions. I didn’t mind eating with Adrian’s family, though. Af

Adrian POV“You made it!” Brittany calls out from the front door. I can hear her excitement at Missy’s arrival from the open window in the kitchen as I’m standing out back, manning the grill. Dad smoked his usual tri-tip, but Hailey wanted hot dogs so I’m out here flipping them and some chicken on the grill. I hear Hailey squealing in excitement, making my face pull into a goofy grin. I love the sound of her laughing. “It’s all for me?” her little high-pitched voice rings out. I looked up and saw Missy’s figure moving beyond the kitchen curtains. “It’s all yours! I got this too. I hope you like fruit punch,” Missy’s soft, soothing voice sounded almost as excited as my little girl’s. Curiosity gets hold of me and I find myself moving to the screen door to see what she had brought with her. “I love chocolate ice cream and Rapunzel!” Hailey squeals, jumping on her feet while clutching a Rapunzel-shaped juice jug.“You didn’t have to get all this,” My dad smiles, holding a case of Pe