17~ FIND YOURSELF

SAGE POV

The next morning, I woke before the sun had fully risen, the faint light casting silver streaks across my room.

For a long time, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet hum of the packhouse beyond my door.

Eventually, I got up, had my bath, and dressed in fresh clothes, nothing fancy, just something clean and soft against my skin. When I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I froze.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I really looked at myself.

The girl staring back at me was someone I barely recognized. Her eyes were dull, shadowed from too many sleepless nights.

Her lips were pressed together like she had forgotten how to smile. I swallowed hard, feeling the familiar ache rise in my throat.

“Enough,” I whispered to myself.

Today had to be different. I couldn’t keep falling apart every time I remembered what had been taken from me, my child, my name, my image, my dreams. I couldn’t keep letting the betrayal break me over and over again.

I was here now through a second chance. I am now in this pack. The Moon Goddess had given me a mate whether I asked for one or not and if I was going to stay here, then I had to find a way to live.

I touched the mirror lightly, my fingertips brushing against the cool surface as if I could reach through it and pull the girl I used to be back to me.

“No more crying,” I told her softly.

“No more hiding. No more wishing for a life that’s gone. I am going to find myself again, piece by piece. Even if it hurts.”

I didn’t even hear the door open until Tracy’s reflection appeared behind me.

“Wow,” she said, surprised. “You are up early… and I love exactly what I am looking at..”

I turned slightly toward her, and for a moment we just stared at each other. Tracy’s face softened, a small smile playing at her lips.

“I hope things are getting better,” she said gently.

I gave a small, almost bitter laugh. “Better is… complicated.”

Tracy walked closer and leaned against the dresser. I knew she was watching me carefully, as if trying to gauge whether I was strong enough to talk about it.

I really appreciate Tracy for being my anchor since the day I was dragged into this pack.

Even when I pushed her away, even when I made it clear I didn’t need a friend, she stayed. She didn’t pity me, not exactly but she never let me drown either.

“Well,” I said, straightening my shoulders, “I plan to make myself happy today. After all… I don’t have much choice now, do I? He’s my mate. The Moon Goddess gave me to me for a reason. Maybe it’s time I stop fighting fate and start learning what it means to be a real Luna.”

Tracy’s brows lifted. “Are you saying you are going to accept my brother?”

“I don’t have a choice,” I admitted quietly. “But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe this is the Moon Goddess’s way of giving me a second chance. I just… I don’t know if I am ready.”

“You don’t have to be ready all at once,” Tracy said softly.

“But you do have to stop punishing yourself for what happened before. Forget the titles and find yourself first.”

The words cut deep, almost too deep. My throat felt tight.

“Find myself?” I whispered, my voice shaking. “I lost my child, Tracy. I was lied to. I was humiliated in front of my entire pack. The day that should have been my coronation turned into the day I was branded a traitor and a whore. How am I supposed to find myself after that?”

Tracy took a deep breath, as though steadying herself before speaking again.

“Wow! Your admission came as a surprise… I wasn't expecting that and also, didn't know how you managed to spill that all at once but..” she took in a deep breath still cautious of the words she wanted to say.

“I am not telling you to forget what happened nor let it define you. My brother is not going to force you to be the Luna everyone expects. That’s not who he is. But you can’t keep living like this like a shadow of who you were.”

Her words settled over me like a heavy blanket. She was right, but hearing it out loud hurt more than I wanted to admit.

“I don’t even know what my life is supposed to look like anymore,” I said, my voice breaking.

“Then, let's start with you doing what you love most… name it, I promise we are going to get it done today.”

I laughed bitterly when I knew I had nothing I loved doing, I had no talent, all my life was about Zach, I had nothing else to think about aside from him.

“The only thing I know how to do is cook and that is because he loves eating what I cook. That’s the only part of me that’s left.” I let out as tears trailed from my eyes.

Tracy smiled faintly. “Then start there.” I blinked at her. “What?”

“You love cooking,” she said. “But this time you will cook with ease in your heart, and that deep stuck notion in your head that you need to do this for yourself.”

I hesitated, because the thought almost felt too simple.

“No… cooking is just..” but she placed her finger on my lips shaking her head.

Then I nodded slowly. “I do love cooking,” I admitted. “It’s the one thing that still feels like me.”

Tracy’s smile grew wider. “Then let’s do that. Knight isn’t home right now. He went out for a meeting and he probably won’t be back until late. That means we have the entire house to ourselves. We can cook, talk, maybe even laugh a little.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” she said with a grin. “We deserve a good day. Just you and me.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt the corner of my mouth twitch into something close to a smile.

“Okay,” I said softly. “Let’s do it.”