Cold. Wet, And Alone

Vynessa stumbled away from the kitchen counter, her heart pounding as she stared at the glass mug that laid in a broken mess on the floor beside her feet.

"Great. Just great!" she mumbled to herself, irritated, as she slowly slid down to the kitchen floor and sat alone in her dimly lit apartment, the weight of the world pressing down on her shoulders.

"I can't even make a simple coffee" She whispered again as she sat.

She didn't even bother to pick up the glasses. She could not summon the strength. She didn't have it in her.

Not today, not for a long time.

    The darkness outside mirrored the darkness within her as she stared blankly at the kitchen walls, her once bright eyes now clouded with despair.

She was so tired. So fucking tired.

The only sound in the room was the soft hum of the refrigerator, a stark reminder of the emptiness that consumed her, ate at her from within.

Even turning her head to the side was a Herculean task.

The bad thoughts we're coming again and she needed to take her anti-depressants.

It had been a year since she was clinically diagnosed as depressed, a year since she had been placed on numerous anti-depressants, and nothing was changing.

In fact, she didn't know if she would even know if things were changing.

The shrill sound if her phone ringing, brought her back from her drifting thoughts. It was strange because her phone never rang. She had no body who would bother to call her. Even her boyfriend only just texted her the locations for where he would like to meet her. There we're usually motels and hotels, but the point was, he never called. Vynessa, slid back up and walked to the adjoining sitting room were her phone was. Her heart rate sped up. Her boyfriend was on the line.

"He-hello?" She answered nervously like the phone would explode.

"Yeah, Nessa. It's Wilson. I'm on a time crunch so I need you to listen up"

"K" Nessa responded

"I got my results in, and I didn't do very well. Which means, you didn't do very well, since I-well, since I copied off of you. And now, I'm needing to work double on my school work. I think we need to break up so I can concentrate on, y'know, getting better grades..."

... "And better pussy!... " Vynessa heard someone say on the other end of the line before they chuckled and Wilson was back to talking.

"... Sorry about that. So, yeah. I just broke up with you. Remember, it's not you, it's me. Good bye, Nessa" He obviously didn't hang up after, because she could still hear Wilson's friend on the line talking, so Nessa stayed on the line.

"... You're so fucking corny. It's not you, it's me. You stupid fucker. That bitch had to go, bruv. She was always cramping up your style"

"Tell me about it, I was only with her for the free pussy. You know girls who don't like themselves are always cheerful givers" Wilson said before he joined his friend as they laughed.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. She was so fucking dull, even the sex was dull. Fuck, I had enough when she kept asking me if I'll fucking stay with her forever. Like fucking hell, have you seen me? Why would I be stuck with the grim reaper forever, bro? "

They laughed again.

Vynessa had heard enough. She hung up and walked back to the kitchen to sit.

She had dated Wilson for six months and to think that she got dumped on the phone, in that manner. She wanted to cry, she really wanted to cry it all out, but she was so numb, so fucking numb inside that the tears refused to fall.

If only she could just feel

If only she could just feel something other than the blinding numbness that blanketed her mind.

"Ah!!" A sharp, intense pain shot through her body straight from her left foot.

Vynessa looked down at her feet, at the red blood that pooled at her feet, at the broken glasses that she had just stepped on.

"Fuck! What the fuck!!

She looked up to the ceiling " you know, you really have a fucked up sense of humour. I asked to feel something, not to fucking bleed out of the floor! Why me!!?

She slid down to the floor, defeated and just watched as her blood flowed freely. She didn't have any first aid kit on her apartment, pulling out the broken glasses embedded in her foot was a lot of work, and if she was being honest, the pain was a welcome feeling, much better than the emptiness she was drowning in.

Even the jagged, sharp edges of the broken glasses and razors that usually called to her, didn't even look appealing anymore. She had tried to end her life multiple times, and she bore the scars to show, but she had never carried it out to the end.

Vynessa just stared at the broken glass that had blended with in with her blood as the emptiness inside her churned.

It was because of the emptiness that she had dated Wilson. Because of the numbness in her mind and soul that she had given her body to be used and misused severally, because she had wanted to feel something. Anything.

"Maybe I should just die. It'll be better if I just died. If only I could fucking die"

Vynessa fell asleep on her cold kitchen floor.

Two cold showers, a scanty meal of salad and ranch dressing, and two hours of sleep later, Vynessa sat sprawled on her bedroom floor this time with her mind teetering on the edge of oblivion, her gaze fell upon the dusty old Ouija board tucked away in the corner of her room.

She had only used it once, when she had had friends that hung out with her. 

She remembered her friends as they giggled, surrounding the quija board, they're index finders all placed on the pointer as she said "Is anyone here with us"

When the candles beside them had flickered and gone off, every single one of them had screamed and run out of the house, pledging never to touch the board again.

That time seemed like a life time ago.

An idea, a stupid one born out of equal parts desperation and curiosity, took hold of her.

She would play with the board, try to summon something.

"What's the worst that could happen? I get possessed, die and be done with it, or I end up having a good time.  It's a fucking win win, really" she said to no one in particular as she crawled to the corner of her room.

If she couldn't end it all herself, maybe an evil spirit could just strike her dead.

With trembling hands, she retrieved the board, turned on the candles  and sat cross legged on the floor.

The cold touch of the planchette sent shivers down her spine. Ignoring the dull warning bells in her mind, Vynessa hesitantly placed her fingers on the planchette, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply before mumbling, "Is there anyone here with me?"

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds.

Her fingers didn't move, the planchette stayed stagnant. She looked around and nothing happened. No strange movement, nothing.

Even the damned candle was still burning.

"Is there anyone out there who can help me?" She tried again. Nothing.

"Stupid, stupid, fake, outrageously, disgustingly stupid fucking game board!!! I knew this things were fake!! The one time I decide to believe in this stupid piece of shit, the one time." She didn't even realize she was crying until she said "I just really wish it was real. I wish this stupid board game was real. I wish someone could respond to me. Fucking answer me. Or maybe just kill me. Please"

Vynessa pleaded as she cried.

"...I don't want to be alive in a world where my boyfriend doesn't love me. Never loved me. Does not even regard me enough to break up with me in person. Where my friends hate me and gossip about me and fucking call me names"

She began to full on sob, with tears falling from her eyes in torrents. She sniffled, struggling to breathe through the mucus blocking her nose as she stared up at the ceiling.

She kept speaking and wailing, sobbing between every word.

"I don't want to be in a world where my parents don't love me, and my family don't want me around. I just want it to be over... Please"

Vynessa sobbed as she curled into a ball, and stared at the quija board.

"Is anyone fucking here?" Vynessa cried out loud.

The candles flickered and went off one by one, casting eerie shadows on the walls of her bedroom as if in response to her question.

The air in the room stilled and chilled.

Even her breath in front of her came out in frost.

A chill ran down Vynessa's spine as the planchette moved with a will of its own.

Her heartbeat picked up. Her blood roared in her veins and into her head, clouding her thoughts with fear.

She could not breath, the fear paralyzed her, pinned her to the floor she laid on.

Even with the tears blurring her eyes, she followed the planchette as it moved, spelling out the word:

"Here"

"Who are you" Vynessa whispered to the chill air.

The planchette moved again spelling:

"A.Z.A.Z.I.E.L"

     Before she could comprehend the gravity of her current situation, Vynessa could swear she felt the foundation of her house shake.

Vynessa strained to look even in the darkness of her room as the point where the quija board layed cracked and then dipped inwards like her house was about to fall right into it's foundations. She could not scream, could not breathe, could not move as she watched a dark, sinister presence made of shadows slowly fill her room, suffusing the air with malevolence, right from the middle of her room

    A dark figure materialized before her, its eyes gleaming red with flashes of gold, like lightening on a rainy night. She couldn't make out anything else since not only was she laying on the floor unmoving, it was dark, the whole room was pitch black save for moonlight streaming in from her window and the red eyes and shadows.

"You. You called for me. Summoned me with such force, it was hard to resist. Do not lay there now looking broken and puny"