Mag-log inI’m shocked. I’m confused.I stand on the stairs, hands in my pockets, and watch Sasha from a distance. She’s laughing with a group of girls near the far wall — head thrown back, perfectly timed, completely at ease. I wonder if any of it is real. If that laugh belongs to her or to the person she built in Paris to replace whoever she was before.Paris. Wasn’t that the trip Cortney and her girls took that summer? The one she came back from talking about for weeks? Did Cortney know?She couldn’t have. Rue said almost nobody knows. Sasha buried it too well, too completely. And then the hair came. The personality. The armor she put on and never took off.Now I understand her. Not in a way that excuses anything she’s done — not even close. But I understand the architecture of it. Why she needs to control everything. Why she keeps people close enough to use and far enough away to never actually see her. Why the meanness come so easily. It’s easier to make people afraid of you than to let
Rue still hasn't reached out.It’s been four days. Nothing!But I'm holding onto the hope that she'll find something on Sasha — something real, something I can actually use. And then this whole thing ends. We end it with the sex she wants and then life goes back to whatever normal looks like for me.What's the worst that can happen?Cortney still isn't speaking to me.Every time I try, she walks away like I'm invisible — like I'm furniture she's learned to navigate around. Dad still hasn't given her back her car or her card.And Chan—Chan shows up to every tutorial session completely professional. She doesn't bring up Sasha and the dating news. The picture of us kissing. She doesn't bring up us, or what happened in the storage room, or any of it. She corrects my work, sets new assignments, apologizes for the smallest things “Sorry, I should have explained that differently, sorry, let me go over that again.”— and I hate every second of it. It's like we've been reset. Like we're back t
I pick up my phone and hesitate for the ninth time.This is a good idea. Reaching out to Rue. I need her. She's the only one I know who can help me get out of this mess. Get Sasha off my back for good.I finally grab the courage and press call.Just pick up. Please.It rings. And rings. I end the call before it goes anywhere and try again, pacing the length of my room. This time it goes straight to voicemail.Hey, it's Rue. Don't call me if you don't want to fuck me. And I'm talking to the hot boys specifically. As for the girls — I'm not a lesbian.I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at her name on the screen.Normally she'd have picked up before the ring. Back when we were sneaking around behind Cortney's back, she'd answer before my phone even had a chance to buzz on her end. She was the one chasing me then, head over heels, relentless about it.And speaking of Cortney, she still hasn't said a word to me since what happened in the hallway this morning. I want to explain it to her
***~~~RIVER~~~***Fuck.That's all that leaves my mind when Chan passes me by—and our eyes meet.I don't know what I read in her gaze. Disappointment? Definitely that. Hurt? I don't know. She wants professionalism, so I don't even understand the hurt part. But she does seem hurt, if I were to ask my gut.After our kiss, I don't know if I made her think something could go on between us. But I was so fast to clarify that.And I did hope she understood.If only she knew.Sasha and I are just dating to keep her rank up, and to keep our secrets safe. She's blackmailing me. And Cortney can't find that out because it will bring her focus to Chan and me.Which I can't risk.She's mad at me for being with Sasha. What will she do if she finds out about Chan and me sneaking behind her back? The sex? The deal of having her do a makeover? And now tutorial?She'd move away from me completely.I turn to Sasha. "You got what you wanted. I have to go.""Why rush, boyfriend?" Her fingers trail across
I wait outside my house for Cortney.Usually, she'd be here by now—and I'd have already hopped into her car and we'd be on our way to school, laughing about something stupid. But Cortney doesn't have a car anymore.Which I find really weird. Cortney without a car is like a human without air to breathe.She called me this morning. Said she'd get a ride to my place.I finally hear the sound of an engine. A red car pulls up to the front of my house. The door swings open and Cortney steps out, then the car peels off so fast, it's like it's being chased.She walks toward me. Her shoulders are slumped. Her face is pale. She throws her arms around me and squeezes."I hate my life, Chancé." Her voice is muffled against my shoulder. She pulls back and looks up at me with a puppy face. The big, sad eyes and trembling lips.Then she releases me."He took everything." She gestures wildly. "My car. My card." She counts on her fingers. "He even said no rides from River or Ricky.""Then who drove y
***~~~CHANCÉ~~~***My eyes are wide open as I stare at the picture Cortney shoves in my face.With every fiber of my being, I hold my tears in, clenching my jaw, swallowing hard, so she won't ask questions. So she won't see how much this is destroying me.My heart is pounding fast. Hurting like I've been stabbed—over and over and over.What the hell is this?How could he kiss her?How—I'm as confused as Cortney. Earlier, her scream had shattered the silence after she checked her phone. I went to her. She was frozen, staring at the screen."A—are you sure that's real?" My voice stutters. I'm trying to confirm—trying to hope—that this is some cruel prank. "Who sent that to you?""Sasha did.""And it's real?" I lean closer, searching the image for any sign of editing. "Not one of the things she does to get under your skin?""Chancé." Cortney's voice is bland. Hollow. "I want to believe it's a prank. But the school logo is on it.""That doesn't mean she couldn't have edited it."She st
***~~~ RIVER~~~***I notice her. I’ve always noticed her, and Chan has always been… naive. Quiet. Too soft for someone like me.I’ve been watching her for four years. Even before all these forbidden escapades. Before the lake. Before she saved my life.My jaw tightens slightly at the memory. If s
I feel used. Completely used. That’s been the way I’ve felt since the first time River came into my room. He didn’t even acknowledge it before he just took what he wanted.There was one thing I thought would change. I thought if I let him have my body, my virginity, he would like me back, but I gue
I toss and turn until I finally stop. With my hand on my stomach, I stare at the ceiling, letting out a long breath. Cortney dropped me home thirty minutes ago, and River hasn’t shown up yet.Maybe it is for the best.I sigh, running my hand through my hair.What exactly am I doing? I know he will
( Two Months Later)The rink is loud with cheering—fans screaming and clapping as the players race across the ice. But the noise fades in the back of my mind the moment his eyes meet mine for a glimpse. Now all I hear is his voice from the night before. Low. Close to my ear.“How do you want to be







