chapter 35

Cassian’s POV

I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, watching her disappear around the corner, her hoodie bouncing with every furious step.

She didn’t look back once.

I dragged a hand down my face, biting down the frustration burning in my chest like wildfire.

This wasn’t how I’d planned it, not even close.

I wasn’t supposed to push her, I was supposed to help her feel seen, like this storm she was stuck in wasn’t hers to weather alone.

And instead, I dragged her out in the open, again acted like I wasn't bothered about what was going on.

Like a fool, like I hadn’t learned anything.

“Smooth, lover boy,” Kai’s voice echoed from behind me. “You’ve really got a way with the ladies. Kidnap them, confuse the hell out of them, then piss them off so much they vanish like smoke.”

I turned, glaring. “Can you just….shut the hell up for once?”

He raised his hands in mock surrender, that stupid smirk still etched into his face. “Hey, don’t shoot the reader of things. You’re the one out here handing out mixed signals like free candy.”

I didn’t answer, because deep down I knew he was right.

I got in the car, slammed the door shut, and let my head fall against the steering wheel.

My jaw clenched, my mind was chaos as I imagined her face in the passenger seat then the look in her eyes when I told her I wanted to take her on a date.

It was meant to be light, a lifeline. Something real to pull through the mess.

I guess that was the dumbest idea I had ever thought of.

I hadn’t been sleeping. Not really, ever since the video surfaced, it was like the world had shrunk into this one suffocating moment, where her name echoed off every screen, every mouth.

Drasa this, Cassian that. Opinions, rumors, assumptions like poison spreading through every crack in the internet.

And I hated that I’d been silent.

Not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t know what the hell to say and it is so unlike me, to stay calm in a situation like this rather I would have turned everything into a one big joke.

Everything I saw online felt like fuel, but everything I didn’t say felt like a betrayal not just to her but to myself too cause I enjoyed every moment that video captured.

I drove without thinking, only realizing where I was headed when the road narrowed and the broken sidewalk of her hostel came into view again.

I parked across the street and just… sat there for a while, looking lost, confused and wondering how could I fix this without ruining it more.

Her window was two floors up. I knew because Kai once pointed it out on a lookout for her, we both laughed about how the pipes would rattled every time someone flushed on the floor above.

It was stupid how many details I’d kept of her. How easily she’d carved herself into the fabric of my mind without even trying.

I sat there for a long time, not moving.

Just… feeling everything. Every inch of the distance she put between us, every word she didn’t say, every way I had failed her already.

My phone buzzed beside me, not her but I was hoping it was.

Just another text from the school blog:

“Another video just surfaced, y'all should check it out..”

I threw the phone into the passenger seat. Screw everyone, screw the freaking Internet..

I got out of the car again and crossed the street before I could stop myself.

Inside the building, the first girl I saw glanced up, interested but had a look on her face. “Cassian!!” She screamed and immediately heads began to turn and immediately I got the one thing I hated most. Attention.

“Oh fuck,” I muttered. “Can y'all back off already.” I said but my voice was beyond audible.

“What is going on here?,” a woman that looks like she is in her 50’s voice echoed and immediately the group dispersed.

“Hi, good evening…I am cass–” I was about to say but she interrupted me immediately.

“I know who you are, get to the point…why are you in a all girls dorm?” She questioned.

I had never felt embarrassed before and this woman knowing who I am and still went ahead to disrespect me was the height of it all, I know what I would have done if I wasn't here to fix things with Drasa.

“Uhmm, I came to see a friend.” I replied.

“And what is her name?” She replied adjusting her glasses.

“Drasa.”

“Drasa what?”

‘Fuck, I don't have any idea what her other name is and it never crossed my mind to ask her…what am I going to do?’ I asked internally.

“I-I don't remember the other name.” I muttered underneath my breath.

“Sit down there, I'll call her to either come here or ask if she wants you to come to her room.” She replied as she walked away.

“So much for a dorm filled with stupid and slow girls aside Drasa.” I murmured.

After sitting around for what felt like eternity, I had dropped a thousand messages for her also called her but she was picking up, it got to a point her number wasn't reachable.

Automated voice: The number you're trying to reach is unavailable at the moment, the call has been forwarded to a voice message, leave a message after the beep.

“Hey D, please call me…we need to talk.”

After a few minutes, the woman came back. “She is currently unavailable, I don't think she wants to see you.”

“No, I want to see her, I have to see her and I must see her.” I said, becoming frustrated already.

She repeated, then added, “She obviously doesn't want to see you, and most especially not from boys who show up looking like they left a fight with their own feelings.”

I almost laughed and the crowd echoed their usual mockery sound. “Ouuuuu”

“Give me a minute.” I muttered, stepping to the door of the hallway.

If I couldn’t reach her in person, maybe my words could still mean something but I wasn't giving up the thoughts of seeing her today.

Cassian (Text):

I messed that up. I know. I made you come out when you were already drowning in attention you didn’t ask for. I thought maybe being with me, face-to-face, would help ease that weight, but all I did was throw more on you.

I’m sorry.

I should’ve told you this before everything got so loud before people started talking like they knew what we were, but the truth is, D? I like you. Not because of that kiss. Not because of some headline, but because you’ve made me feel more in three weeks than most people have in years. And I’m scared too, but I’m not walking away.

I don’t care what they post. I care about you.

So whenever you’re ready to talk for real….I’ll be here, no more surprises. No more games.

I stared at the message for a while before hitting send.

Then I walked back into the hall, took three steps closer to the woman, leaned in softly and whispered.

“I will give you 1 thousand dollars if you let me in.” I said then pulled back and immediately her face lightened up.

She took out a pen and a small piece of paper, wrote her account number and handed it over to me. “Hey you.” She pointed to a girl who was drooling over me. “Show him to Drasa Rurik’s room.” She added and immediately the girl jumped to the front.

“Follow me.” She said smiling as she walked away.

“Rurik…that is her other name.” I muttered to myself as I followed her lead.

We took a few steps and the more we walked, the more attention I got from the girls, some taking pictures, videos while others were staring at me like a lost puppy.

“Can we walk faster?” I asked calmly.

“Yes, we're almost ther–” before she could complete her sentence a door flew open and Drasa appeared with anger written all over her face, her hair was packed in a messy bun, she looked like she just woke up from a long nap.

“What the hell?” That was the first thing to leave her mouth.

I gave her a wily smile. “Hi.” I added as I stopped right in front of her. “Thank you.” I said to the other lady who had walked me down here.

“What are you two doing here?” She asked and I couldn't be more confused than I am.

“Two? It's just me…what are y–” I was about saying when Kai stepped forward. “Really Nigga?” I asked, looking disappointed and angry at the same time.

“What? I just wanted to make sure you're okay…don't blame me for being a good friend.” He said.

She looked very pissed but what pissed her more was the stare from every single lady that walked past her room.

“D, I had no idea he came along…I thought -” she cut me off again.

“Come in before I shoot you both.” She said as she opened the door and gestured we entered and immediately she slammed the door closed.

“Damn, this bed is so soft.” Kai said but the look she gave him was deadly and scary which made Kai jump off the bed. “Chill yo, I wasn't trying to do anything stupid on the bed.” He added.

“What do you want? Why are you here? How do you know my hostel? How were you able to pass Mrs Green? What did you do to her?” She questioned without stopping.

“Uhmm, am I expected to answer all these questions?” I asked but she didn't respond. Rather she gave me a deadly look too. “I sent you messages, called you a thousand times but you weren't answering your phone, I left you a voicemail…your Mrs whatever called you, you didn't pick up…I just want to fix things with you.” I said.

She crossed her arms. “When you figured out I wasn't answering my phone or returning your calls, what was the best thing to do at that point? You leave me the heck alone!!” She yelled but not too loud.

“Are you saying I did the wrong thing by coming to see you to have a word with you?”

“Yes, you did…I didn't want to talk to you at all, I don't wanna see you or even hear your voice…I am not in the mood for any… any of this.” She said, her voice breaking but she looked firm.

I didn't know when I moved close to her but my feet did. “Look into my eyes and tell me again, say those words again.” I said, my voice calmer than ever.

Kai looked completely lost, his eyes darted from Drasa to me simultaneously. “What's going on?”

“Wait outside, I am trying to have a conversation here.” I said, my tone carrying so much command.

Kai knew better than to argue in this present situation, he picked up his phone and walked away. “If that is what you want, I will be waiting in the car.” He said, shutting the door behind him.

I turned back to Drasa who was looking away from me. “Step away from me Cassian.” She said, her voice trembling, that drew me closer to her than before.

“What if I don't? I said you should repeat what you said earlier? Tell me you don't want to see me and I will give you just what you request for.” I said.

“I–I don't wa–” she was about to say but I cut her off.

Raised her head slowly and our eyes locked on each other. “Tell me while you stare into my eyes.”

“I–I don't want to see you.” She said, her voice beyond whisper.

“I can't hear you speak D, say it boldly.” I commanded but my tone lower than ever, I pressed my lips against her neck as I spoke.

I could feel her breath hitched but she retrieved herself immediately and took a step back. I closed up the gap and drew her closer to me.